Bad Scar

[windrunner]

Bit of a story behind this one, but let me try and squeeze it into a nutshell:

I had a very bad car crash and had to have my chest opened up. All was fine; accept I now have a scar the length of my torso. The girlfriend was living with at the time would never come anywhere near me, and subsequently we never had sex again, as she said the scar put her off and made her feel all creepy. (This was a year ago and we soon split after that, turns out she was a bit of a footballer's wife wannabe, prima donna & party animal)

The thing is, now that my life has moved on, I've changed jobs, home and am now meeting other women, im starting to worry about the same thing happening, so whenever a girl says she wants to take things further, all I keep doing is running a mile in the other direction. � Any ideas, hints or comments?

[Eels]

Well, the last girl was probably an oddball.

I love scars - they're like a map of your history, proof that you've lived.

It wouldn't put me off at all - far less, it'd probably be a turn-on!

[Lollyhoney]

I totally agree with eels! My brother had a horrendous accident and how he survived is beyond the knowledge of all the doctors who cared for him during his 6 month stay in hospital. He had to have several operations and now has think scarring and even a hernia. His scarring is a sign that he's a survivour, and we cannot thank God enough for this. He has since married his childhood sweetheart and baby no 2 is due in 6 days.

Be glad that you're alive and that you saw what this girl was before you got married to her or such. You survived this accident, so you should be able to get over this girls attitude towards you. xx

[treacle84]

The scar wouldn't bother me at all. I'm a bit like Eels, I think scars are really interesting becuse they each tell a story. Plus, that scar is probably the reason you're still alive! Really, try not to worry about it and don't make a big deal of it. If she can't be with you because of a simple scar then that says a lot about her really.

[Lollyhoney]

* thick scarring!! (not think!)

[veritymoon]

would not bother me at all i would find it no big deal.

[andy-hughes]

if you are close enough to a woman to be getting naked with her, the chances are this should have come up in conversation. Tell her about the scar, how you got it, and that you don;t like it, and let her make her own mind up. If she is shalow enough to be put off - you know what to do!

[skipperoscar]

Hi windrunner, I totally agree with everyone here (& hey, looks like you've pulled Eels!!

I also totally understand where your coming from and my advice is just to be honest with the women your meeting. If you don�t know them well enough to say �look, a while back I had a car crash and it�s left me very badly scarred, how do you feel about that?� � Then should you really be thinking about having sexual relations with them in the first place??!!
A similar thing, not as physically bad as yours, happened to me some 18 months ago. I was living with a girl and after 6 months she started constantly telling me that I wasn�t satisfying her sexually. We talked & I tried everything to satisfy her, but she just wasn�t happy as sex was such a big deal for her, so she moved out.
But my point is that it took me ages to get back confidence with sleeping with women too, for fear of not being good enough for them � still not sure I�m totally 100% confidant about it all though.
Women huh! I just hope they don�t all feel the same way? � Why is sex all so important??

Chin up mate, you�ll be fine!!

[seaborn]

Just want to say that i agree with everyone here, scars are a part of you - and its you the women your meeting should like.

As skipperoscar said, chin up!

As for skipperoscar - no not all women in my experience are the same & sex shouldn't be important. Sex will be sex no matter what, its the little things that should really matter in a relationship - likes & dislikes etc. If all that fits, then the rest should justfall into place!! - Chin up to you too!!

Oh yea, great name skipperoscar - take it your a fisherman or a boat owner??!!

[Englishbird]

Scar's don't bother me at all. I quite like them too, there's a story behind every one. One of my best friends has a lot of scars after pulling a boiling saucepan on top of her when she was two. She hates them, but I can honestly say I haven't really noticed them since the first time I saw them.

I think you've been very unlucky with this woman, or maybe very lucky to have got away from her!!

Trust me, most women are normally too worried about the size of their arses when getting down to the deed to be too worried about your scar. I would expect someone to be inquisitive, and also to make sure they couldn't hurt you, but most women won't be put off by it at all.

Make sure that you like the women you go out with for the right reasons though. Try and see their soul, not their T & A.

[dancealot13]

I agree with the other women...that girls sounds like a real jerk, Scars a very Sexy! So don't you worry about a thing, and anyone that makes you feel uncomfortable is not the one for you. My sisters boyfriend had his forearm cut off when he was kid and was left with a deformed hand and terrible hole/scar on his arm,....and I think he is the sexiest guy, and so does my sister!

[skipperoscar]

Having answered this earlier, its really got me thinking now - How important is sex?? (please see earlier anser to windrunner, if confused)

[windrunner]

Guy's thank you so much - you've all really made me feel much better about it all now!!!

So lets see if we can help skipperoscar.

I think i might be the wrong person to kick this one off though. i think the same as everyone said to me - it's not important as long as you both have much more in common

[Englishbird]

I think sex is important. It's what defines our partners from our friends. I love my best friend, have loads in common with her, we can talk for hours about nothing, and if something happens to me she's the first one I want to call .... but I don't want to have sex with her!

However, good sex means completely different things to completely different people. Somebody can be 'technically sound' but not really do anything for you.

Any woman who tells a man he's crap in bed, is a manipulative little b*tch. It's a completely out of order thing to tell anyone!!

Just because you have bad sex with someone does not mean that you're cr*p in bed, it just means you've had sex with the wrong person. I snogged a guy i know about 10 years ago and it was like kissing my brother! it was awful. My friend has been going out with him for the last 3 years, so she obviously feels differently.

Sex with the right person is an entirely different experience. Make sure you have an emotional connection with someone and the sex will be far better. Also, if you suffer from low sex confidence, avoid one night stands! They'll rarely make you feel better.

[Miss Zippy]

Wildrunner, you are obviously very attractive to the female of the species if you regularly get offers to �take things further� so I really don�t think you have anything to worry about! Anyone who gets to know you and care about you won�t give two hoots when they subsequently discover your scar. When sleeping with you for the first time, most women will be so worried that you�ll notice their big bum/wonky boobs/cellulite/the fact they need a wax that they probably won�t even notice your physical imperfections! Use it to your advantage: most women have a hang up about something to do with their appearance (whether real or imagined) so you can try and take the pressure off by letting them know you feel self conscious about your scar.

[Eels]

Miss Zippy makes a good point re insecurities - we (women) all have them too.

Sex is vitally important - relationships which are lacking in sex very often have fundamental weaknesses. It's like the chocolate cream filling in a gateau - it's not the be all and end all, but it would be a poor gateau without it!