pregnancy

[laurence2]

My sister-in-law has just found out that her sons girlfriend is pregnant.

They already have a 9 month old baby girl, The problem with this pregnancy {approx 4 months} is that they,ve just found out that the babys head is twice the size of the body, and in so many words from the hospital, would be in there best interest to have a termination as the baby will be physically/mentally handicapped.

Is girlfriend who's only 18 is very confused and so turned to her mother, who to our astonishnent told her daughter not to worry as she should go ahead with the pregnancy, and the state would fund the upbringing of the baby with a 24 hour carer and they will give her a car.

Her mother is a serial benefit claimer, and we feel her daughter is being ill advised, we,ve spoke to the pregnant girl but we feel where banging our heads against a brick wall, she's even now saying that she's not going to the hospital tomorrow.

We understand that she must feel very scared, but we feel powerless when her family are giving her the wrong advice.

Your comments would be appreciated

Thankyou

[laurence2]

Gents, my apologies was not thinking straight due to the above news, will re-direct to body & soul

[dot.hawkes]

this is definately the time to step away from this problem and let them make their own decision, whether right or wrong. the hospital will press for the right clinical decision i am sure.

[laurence2]

Thank dot.

Ps, can this post be removed from this site?

[rugeleyboy]

thats a horrible position for anyone to be in,i think the girl should be told that her mother will not be with her 24/7 for the rest of the unborn child's life and does she really want to see her baby suffer??

i wouldnt.free car or not,this isnt about freebies!!

[rugeleyboy]

you can stop displaying your question.

[dot.hawkes]

i reported it as wrong catagory to bring it to ed's atention 2moz, she'll move it for u

[laurence2]

Thank dot, as well as the other post, your comments are very much appreciated

[Se7en]

Laurie, she should get advice from women who have been in that position themselves. I would imagine the hospital will have addrresses of such support groups.

It would break my heart to see any child off mine suffering.

Although losing an unborn child is traumatic, seeing a born child suufering would be far worse. What is best for the child is the most important thing.

[laurence2]

se7en, Thank for that, thats what me and my wife think, but its her family where the problem lies, lets hope commonsense prevails.

[bobtheturkey]

lawrie let the 2 parents and the doctors hammer it out between them they will give them all the info they need if you try and advise you will be the worst in the world even though you mean well

[laurence2]

Bob, thats the problem, the girls mum is advising her not to go to the hospital, she's not the nicest mum?

[bobtheturkey]

in that case drag her to the hospital she has to know every single detail only then can a choice be made

[Philtaz]

Laurence,

I work in the Operating Theatre and unfortunately see this scenario from time to time. It is something that she and the doctors looking after her must find agreement on, sooner rather than later. As you've pointed out, her mother is giving her far from sound 'advice'. If in any doubt, her mother should go along with her in order that all possible ramifications can be pointed out.

Sadly, there are never any real winners in these sorts of cases, despite what her mother may think.

Best of luck.

[laurence2]

Gents, i appreciate your messages of support.

Philtaz, thank for the advice, hopefully the right decision can be made, i do feel however that whatever her mum say's goes, i just hope she see's commonsense and makes the correct decision, As you pointed out there are No real winners

Thankyou

[dancealot13]

Im in complete shock and my stomach is now turning. Listen I am all pro-choice, but you have got to be freakin' kidding me that someone would have an abortion at 4 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is a baby, a living thing. Abortion is bad enough at 2 months but dear GOD , 4 months???? I am assuming that when you say terminate, you mean abortion. My sister works with severely disabled people, and have witnessed some incredible moments, and sees them communicate. Its just breath taking. Please do not motivate this young girl to terminate the pregancy just because the baby isn't perfect. Put it in Gods hands now, not mankind, who are we to decide, especially that its still alive at 4 months. Im just sick about this. I was born at 6 months for Gods sake. Im disgusted. Think twice about this, this is a huge deal and a terrible sin. Please think.

[dancealot13]

Is that the law in the UK that you can terminate a pregnancy at 4 months!! My god, you cant have an abortion after 2 months in America and thats bad enough. 4 months is absolute murder, have you ever seen what a baby looks like at 4 months? Because if you have I seriously doubt you would be having this conversation.

[dancealot13]

I apologize I have to correct myself, it is legal in America to have an abortion right up to delivery but most states have made their own laws stating it is illegal after 3 months. Still though, at 4 months you can hold the baby in your hands. If it is this deformed the poor thing will probably die eventually. Leave it in Gods hands.

[Jennykins]

What she decides to do will be with her the rest of her life... I believe the actions we do now we will have to answer to later... This is a topic more about morals.. (in my view.)

I have two hadicap brothers and the Dr. had advised to abort them... Mom said no..and they turned out better then the Dr.s thought they would be... and the boys have good lifes... I love them to death and I'm so proud they are with us today.. If the girl does not want the child because it is not perfect... then she should adopt it out.. That is just my opionion.. I hope not to afend anybody on here..

Good luck! jen

[laurence2]

jenny, Thank for your post.

I to have a brother who is now 46, who was born prematurely and as a consequence has learning difficulties, be it no-where on the scale as the question i posted here.

In reference to your post, about the girl ''adopting out'' if she dose'nt want it, This will not apply in this case as,

1, Its more than likely that the baby has Edwards symdrome, in which if the case its a 50% chance the baby will Die before the mother goes full term.

2, If the mother & baby go full term the chances of the baby surviving from a few weeks to 12 months is 5%, that why the doctors have mentioned in so many words the possibility of her having a termination, However its a decision Her mother seems to be making for her at this moment in time, as she refused to go to her hospital appointment yesterday for test to comfirm the said mentioned.

Time is running out for her to make a decision, I know she is scared, but for the sake of all involved none more than herself, The baby & her Boyfriend she needs to go to the hospital.

[Jennykins]

You have made some very good points laurence.. I guess Im the type of person that see's a little hope in everything.. Maybe that girl see's some hope to..

Maybe people should let her make her own choice.. If what the Dr's think is going to happen .. happens.. and the child dies.. Well then.. she just might feel better about it all that way.. She would know that she tried and fought with the baby.. and then that way she could let go .. and move on knowing she at least gave her child some hope...

Geeze I feel like I going to cry .

JEN