Should I tell my mum?

[Tock389]

Hello. I went out for a meal with my mum's cousin last night. He revealed that my mum's brother (married with children and grandchildren) is gay.

This was a bit of a shock to say the least. Apparently the cousin (gay also) went on holiday with my uncle, and they paid for rent boys etc. It also turns out that my uncle has had various relationships with men, with the blessing of my aunt.

But I am 100 per cent sure my mum does not know - and I feel if she knew and didn't tell her, she wouldn't be impressed. However, she would probably freak if she did know...

Should I tell her?

[raysparx]

hard one to call Tock,but if him & his wife are happy with there lives,I think I would leave it alone,but you know your mum better than I do,think very carefully it could do damage either way, good luck, Ray

[PhilBy]

Damned if you do, damned if you don't eh Tock ......... Perhaps a word with your Uncle may help you decide wether it is best to keep it under the sheets so to speak or to let your mum know?

[andy-hughes]

I firmly believe that the revalation of an individual's sexuality is a matter for the individual only. You could cause a lot of hurt and upset - and get yourself into trouble doing it. Leave well alone.

[kick3m0n]

no, you shouldn't tell her. It's none of your business and your cousin shouldn't have blabbed to you either.

[PhilBy]

I think Tocks dilemma is the "You knew and you didn't tell me" when her mum finds out??

[Tock389]

Precisely. I'm not trying to interfere, but when she finds out, there will be trouble for me..

[kick3m0n]

That's why your stupid cousin should have kept his mouth shut. you didn't ask to find this out, and he's put you in a hideous position. You should explain this to your mum if needs be. After all, there's a long list of folk who could have told her, top of which is her brother. If he didn't want to be honest with his own sister, for whatever reason, why the heck should you cop the flack. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't, but if I were you, I'd keep schtum and let mum blow a fuse if the time comes (which let's face it, may never happen, after all, her brother has been gay all his lfie, is now a grandpa, and she still doesn't know???)

[Ethel]

No - it's not your secret to tell.

[Tock389]

I think you're right...he is one of the most overtly masculine people you could come across, hence my complete surprise that he is gay.

[fideldyfee]

No i dont think you should tell her but what a bar steward being married with kids and going off with rent boys.

[ktlou]

I do think this is a tricky situation and not one I would want to be in. If it was me though, I might try and speak to the uncle, let him know the you know and see what his reaction is - how do you know the cousin was telling the truth? Your mum may already know but not want to say anything to you!! I certainly wouldn't just turn around and tell her though - I'm guessing she wouldn't react well! Tread carefully!

[Robinia]

Are you absolutely sure that your mum doesn't know Tock?....you'd be amazed what some families can sweep under the carpet or go into denial about.

[Tock389]

I am absolutely positive- she made a comment not too long ago, saying that "just because he acted camp, it doesn't mean my brother is gay, anyway he is married with kids, so he can't be."

[WaldoMcFroog]

Is it just me who reads the post above and thinks, 'lying to herself'? Sorry, but that sounds like some sort of attempt to convince herself black is white because she doesn't like the truth.

None the less, you spilling the secret won't make things any better for anyone else, so keep schtum.

[Robinia]

I'm sorry but I thought exactly the same as Waldo.
If your mum really believes that married with kids means he can't possibly be gay, then she probably wouldn't believe you (until she found out for sure of course) & you'll be the villain.

It's very hard for you Tock, but if I were you I'd say nothing.

[jno]

agree with everyone else: you should only tell your own secrets, not anyone else's. Should she ever find out from some other source, still shut up about it. If asked directly, say you'd heard but had no idea if it was true so didn't pass it on - which is the truth.

[Fat Boy]

No, you should not tell your mum.

1. How do you know for certain your uncle is gay? Certainly, anyone that gossips about someone in their absence, with information that suppsoed to be secret can hardly be seen as a trustworthy source.


2. Even if it is true, your uncle's sexuality is his own business. Not yours, not your mum's. Its entirely up to him whether he wants anyone to know or not.

[~Wingnut~]

Hi Tock, agree with everyone else, keep lips firmly shut! If it all does come out and your Mum gets angry about you not telling her, just say that you didn't believe it and presumed you were being wound up so promptly forgot about it and that you didn't think it was worth the upset in pursuing it by telling her.

Toughy, hope it all works itself out.

[WendyS]

I think you should leave your cousin and your uncle to be the purveyors of their own news about their sexuality . If they don't want to admit it to your mother, that is their entitlement and they probably have their own reasons. . Your mother may privately have her own suspicions and may possibly be in denial but to tell her could well stir up a hornets nest which is best left alone.