boyfriend hates my friend

[kazzianne]

My boyfriend hates my friend so much that Ive stopped inviting her over when he is here.She hasnt cottoned on yet,as when I do see her its in the daytime,but I cant keep this up for much longer.He has good reason to not like her,but I feel very sorry for her and just dont want to shut her out.I casually said the other night to him that she was gona pop over for a drink and he just said that he hoped I was joking.He would never stop me from asking her over,but I know he would barely speak and so she would know there was something up.What should I do??

[laurence2]

Why does he have good reason then?

[kazzianne]

Basically,she is quite a bit older than me(im 38,she's 50) and she is single,but desperate 2 find somebody so spends her entire life on chatlines,dating sites etc etc. and trying to get me to go out with her so she can meet a man.She even went behind my back and visited an ex of mine in the hope he would fancy her.(he didnt).I only found out when ex told me.I have lent her money she has never paid back as she is so hard up now.But main prob is she lied to us about something and got caught out.

The reason I still talk to her is that I think she is the way she is because she has had such a tragic life and has lost the plot a bit now.

[Champagne]

If it's with good reason then he reserves the right to hate her, as he does with anyone. I don't think you should feel it necessary to protect her from that. It's your house too so invite her over if you want to, and if it's when he's not there then all the better. If she picks up on his frosty reception then shrug it off. She may not like it but it does sound like it's justified and you can tell her if you like. At the end of the day she's your friend, not his, and that's all that counts.

[4getmenot]

You shouldnt be put in that situation. You should be able to have them both round and they should respect that. If they dont like eachother its up to them to fight it out not for you to feel awkward. If you stop inviting her over they're never gonna get a chance to become friends are they.

[Rubyrose]

For a start.. if you are still her friend after whatever it is that she has done then its none of his business. You can't make him like her but you can ask him to be civil and grown up as she is still your friend. One thing I can tell you is NEVER get rid of your friends for a guy. They will be the ones there picking up the pieces. Friends are an insurance policy. Guys are the bonus. If you lose her as a friend now because of him then if you and your boyfriend were ever to break up it would be one less friend there to help you.

[purpose]

She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

[kazzianne]

Purpose is right in a way - she has never done anything for me,but I guess I feel sorry for her as she had such a terrible year the year before I met her,and I sort of feel bad that we met when we were both single and now im very happy with somebody and she never fails to stop telling me how she will never meet a guy etc etc so that I feel guilty.Also we were both destitute - and now I dont have money worries as such.So I feel bad about that as well.

[WendyS]

Some people are givers. Others are takers, and it does rather sound as if your friend is a "taker". You can keep a distance between your friend and your boyfriend up to a certain point, but in the end your friend must take some responsibility for her own well being and not rely on you all the time. Your fortunes will not go along in parallel all the time. You can feel sorry for her but don't let her drag you down into her own mire. They say poverty makes stange bed fellows. Maybe that was all you really had in common and maybe your paths are now destined to move in different directions.

[Ward-Minter]

Have you considered a threesome?

[kazzianne]

WM - god dont suggest that - she'd say yes!!

[Champagne]

Kazzi, I'm really sorry to have to be the one to inform you of this, but I think you'd be better off without a 'friend' like that. She's not a positive force in your life and you can't have people around just because you pity them. Your boyfriend dislikes her because he sees this.

[Jay70]

I think you're boyfriend is upset and annoyed as you are being taken for a mug and he doesn't want to see you to get hurt. Just because she has had a hard time (if she has) doesn't mean you treat people like crap.

[Ward-Minter]

well if she will say yes, your b/f will probably say yes aswell, even though he doesn't like her. Therefore you are being selfish.

[kazzianne]

WM - you crack me up!! lolol

[raysparx]

hi kazzi, I think you are the friend,and she is taking advantage of you because you are a nice person,we should not use people at any age but at her age she should know better, I think if I were you i would start to see her less & less untill it isn't a problem,your boyfriend is right in as much as he does not want anybody taking advantage of you,and I don't blame him you are a lovely person and as such deserve lovely friends, Take care, I am just getting up off the floor after that cheeky text you sent me, I was flabbergasted, my flabber had never been so gasted in fact, ray xx

[kazzianne]

Ray - I hadnt finished yet!

[raysparx]

Please Kazzi, no more,I am but a very innocent man,I am flustered & confused, I keep coming over all hot & bothered,oh my god i need to lay down again,

Hope things work out for you,but don't let her use you,you are to nice a lady. x

[Pippa68]

It sounds to me like your boyfriend is a rare breed..a receptive male ;o)

He has also been very good by not dictating whether you see your friend or not..I would go with his instincts and with other ABers ~ she is a taker. You deserve better.

[Pippa68]

receptive? I meant perceptive..although he may also be receptive..I dunno ;o)

[Bohne]

Sorry, I think your boyfriend should put up with her around. It does not have to be every day, or even every week.

I cannot stand the husband of a friend.
I have known her since I was 3, but in the end, she chooses who she wants to be around, and I accept that.

Secretly I am happy, when he is not around, but whenever he is, I'll try and make the best of it without anybody having to feel uncomfortable.

My husband does not like my sister-in-law one bit (nor does I much, but that's another story, in the end my brother has to live with her, not me!), and I know he is happy, when he does not have to see her.
But on the rare occasions, when it does happen, he puts up a brave face and deals with the situation.

It is not fair, to put partner or friends in a situation where they have to decide over one or the other.