Bereavement cards

[violetblue]

Could anyone advise me as to roughly after what length of time you feel it becomes inappropriate to send a bereavement card to someone you know, but not well enough to have visited? There's been a delay due to not being able to find out the person's new address. Thanks very much to anyone who replies, as it's really bothering me. I don't want to not send one, yet I don't want to send one if the timing is insensitive.

[kazza12345]

i dont think there is any time .. in fact the person might appreciate it more, as there is research to show that after a while people tend to withdraw from the bereaved person, making them more lonely. There is nothing wrong with putting in your card "sorry this has taken so long to get to you, but i couldn't find your new addrress". Maybe you could get round it by not sending a specific "bereavement" card, but just a plain card, or thinking of you card?

[Ethel]

It does not have to be a bereavement card.

In your situation I would send a non-specific card (perhaps flowers on the front) and express my condolences and explain the delay.

Or a 'Thinking of you' card. Include your telephone number if that is what you want to do.

[crete]

just to send the card lets people know you care send it however long since the death,

[violetblue]

Thanks folks, you confirmed to me that what I was going to do was OK. I will get a non-bereavement card, and also I have read too about the withdrawing that people do after bereavement. It must be so horrendous when you still want to keep talking about the person but people around you feel too uncomfortable to mention them. Thanks everyone.

[Pippa68]

I would probably send a plain card with my own message, or a 'Thinking Of You' card rather than a Sympathy/Condolence card..it really depends on how much time has passed.

[monkeykiller]

AS all the others have said,the time doesn't matter,the fact that you took the time to think of somebody is enough,so don't worry,these things are a real comfort to people.

[WendyS]

Actually I really HATE bereavement cards and would never, EVER, send one. I think it's such a cop out not taking the trouble to sit down and write a few kind words to the bereaved person, even if it's a chore you would rather avoid because it's difficult to find the right words. I believe that Christmas and birthdays are appropriate times to send cards but bereavement is not. To me it suggests that people want to do the easy minimum expected without really being bothered.
I remember when my father died so many people took the time and trouble to write really thoughtful letters which I found incredibly touching. . Somehow the cards, however well meaning they might have meant to be, just didn't comfort in the same way.

[violetblue]

I would send a letter in any case, but I don't know of anyone when bereaved that receives a card and thinks that the person doesn't care. Certainly when we had a bereavement, it was a real source of comfort to have whatever - card, letter, phone call, visit. But as I said, I don't know the person well enough to visit and they live in the next town.

[violetblue]

NB Nor did I ever meet the person that died. I don't want to be intrusive yet don't want to ignore what's happened.

[violetblue]

Sorry to go on further, Wendy, but I've just re-read your comments and I think they're a bit offensive, actually. I have turned this over and over, and have really been deeply affected by what has happened to my colleague, and no way am I wanting in any way to 'cop out'. Quite the reverse.

[joko]

i would agree they were a cop out if the sender just wrote 'to bob from fred'

but i think most people fill the back of the cover with writing anyway - so it acts as a letter but nicer.