weird problem

[missyR]

ok, so about three weeks ago now i went on holiday with all my girl mates and ONE lad came but previously we all said how we thought he was a bit, well, gay?
He is really really big like tall but is also grossly overweight the way he holds his posture is obvious and the way he tries to cover it up by dressing like a chav.
But anyway on this holiday myself and my two mates, both are girls, were in a room together its quite compact. But me n sam were in our hotpant knickers and bras lying on the bed cos we had just woken up. Someone knocked on the door and my friend went to open it while me and my other friend were still in bed with no blanket anyway he came in and we had to scramble to the bathroom and we stayed in there till he left because we didn't want to go out to get some clothes as he was literally lying across the beds (which were all together) so when he left to go to the room next door we were all discussing it and decided that he couldn't come in again and that he definetly couldn't sleep as that was what he wanted to do. So once out and about we sat down for dinner and started to tell him that we didn't want him in our room. He's notorious for throwing tantrums (thats where the gay thing comes from) so he was like well why didn't you say something and we were in awe because we did say something when we were locked in the bathroom twice in fact we told him to leave!! So he was being very ignorant so we chose to walk away but there was a very very big argument that lead to quite childish and very bad name calling that night and i went very mad. But we left him. Now hes texting me saying do i still like him because he thinks he has no friendS. the problem is hes so attention seeking and tries to get everybody to hate you. When we tell him something he says he wants advice then name calls you and says your being nasty!!!please help because im really sick of him and have got to get through another year with him soon.
R xxx

[crete]

id be interested to know how old he is .

[missyR]

14

[Lonnie]

A good question crete, also, It sounds to me, like he's got a problem relating to other men, and he's got a confidence problem, hence his overeating, (unless its medical).

I think you should take him to one side, and lay some ground rules.

Is it also possible, that he might have a slight mental problem, ie, younger than he;s actual years?, I think this is what crete may have picked up on.

[redcrx]

14 and youre all on holiday together?

[crete]

i get the impression he may be quite a lonely young man with little confidence i wonder does he have male friends ?

[Lonnie]

Sorry missy, we were typing together, 14, that exlains his behaviour, but the rest of my previous post still stands.

[violetblue]

Who's responsible for you all when you're on holiday?

[Octavius]

I am loath to answer this for reasons I won�t really go into, but your post is confusing and unnecessarily verbose � do we really care what you were wearing � is it important to the Q?

Firstly you say he is possibly gay, but then you say you feel threatened by him being in your bedroom. Odd that. Then you say he calls you names and is abusive. Then you say you have to put up with him for another year. Again, odd. In all honesty, none of this makes sense to me (personally) and I can�t really see what you are looking for us to say. Ditch him, and find some friends who are worthy of your attention?

[ChuffingHell]

Perhaps you ought to tell him, like you have in your post, exactly what the problem is.

Not an easy conversation but it's just going to get bitchy and back-stabbing, and that's not nice. At least if you tell him what you think about his mannerisims, he can choose to deal with it how he likes; he might not want to talk to you, he might see the "error" of his ways and address them, thus making him a better person to be around.

[missyR]

i do undertsand what you mean about the gay thing but although we all think hes gay we still feel quite self conscious around him and the things he will go back and say to people i didnt say he was abusive but hes very childish you know and yes i have to put up with him for a whole year because hes in my class and yes we all went on holiday at 14, nearly 15 because it was a school trip. Hope its cleared some things up.
R xx

[redcrx]

Just one lad on the school trip? Aww no wonder he felt left out. Perhaps he was just trying to be friends and isnt gay or attention seeking as such, he just wanted the company on holiday.
What i am interested to know is where were the teachers when he was in your room?

[bednobs]

a holiday with your girl friends that was a school trip? sounds a bit odd to me. On school trips YOU don't have to tell boys not to sleep in your room, the teachers do that!

this seems like a really strange question. What is your question?
I dont see why he wants to be friends with someone who can tell he is gay from the way he holds his posture! Clearly there is some gay way of holding yourself i had no idea about! and why would he be friends with people who label him anyway? Sorry, it also really made me laugh that you apparently think you can "cover up" being gay, by dressing "like a chav"

[Champagne]

He's the only gay in the village.... ah, bless his little pink socks!

Just for all your bitching about him I think you now owe it to him to be his friend for at least another year. That'll learn ya!

[missyR]

i know that sounds weird but honestly if i could show you a pic of him the way he just is i mean i know this may be ignorance but if he wasn't that gay then why does everyone think he is?
the teachers were on the ground floor they didn't have a clue what was goin on but thats another story really and my question did go on a bit but all i was tryin to get across was how can i deal with an ignorant and childish boy who is getting on everybodys nerves. But nobody will say anything so yeah i understand i voiced my opinions and thoughts on this question.
R xx

[Octavius]

So the question really is.. how to deal with a young boy who YOU see as a gay, fat, needy, attention seeking, abusive, liar who dresses like a chav, gets on everyones nerves, is ignorant and goes to a girl's school?

You are right, it is weird, but I think I can see where the problem lies.

[bednobs]

you call him childish, but surely this is normal? At 14 you are still children... and as for ignorant, i think you seem to have a fair share of that in yourself, so are hardly in a position to be throwing stones. plus, we are all ignorant, just on different topics.
Probably, the fundamental problem is that boys are less mature at 14 than girls, so you just have to make exceptions for them. I'm not surprised he wanted to be in your room, gay or straight. If he was the only boy on the trip, how boring must it have been for him to be in a room on his own?

[ChuffingHell]

How can you deal with him? Tell him he gets on your nerves and tell him why. Difficult conversation initially but otherwise it'll get all bitchy and nasty.

So perhaps have a chat with him one on one saying that in response to his q as to whether you still like him, tell himy ou do but you think he seeks attention, then criticises and that it gets on people's nerves, yours included.

[missyR]

ok will do and octavious it wasnt just ME who thinks that way i didnt say he was abusive or needy but attention seeking and he doesnt go to a girls school?? :S did i say that like? he goes to a normal unisex school and the rest is true i do feel liek you turned it on me but you don't know the full story and hes anything but needy so thankyou to all who have answered my question it helps whether he listens or does another tantrum is up to him but i won't take it anymore.
R xx

[Octavius]

I would generally classify name calling as abusive, but never mind, you appear to have a resolution to the issue.

[missyR]

ok
R x