A friends mental state

[nursecarla]

I am very worried about a friend who i am very close to, they seem great on the surface and in public but deep down i know something is wrong so much so that i worry this person may do something silly, i cant get through to them and its getting worse, i have experience in this field but im at my wits end, does anyone have any tips or what could help? sorry for being so vague :( x x x x x x xx

[Pea Pod]

Could they have money troubles you dont know about.

[crete]

as you are obviously concerned you may have to share that concern with a friend of your friend or a family member, are you concerned enough that you fear for their safety in the immediate future,?

[nursecarla]

No it isnt that im sure, i wouldnt normally post things like this but i will try anything :( x xx x x

[nursecarla]

I am crete yes x x x

[crete]

in that case i think you need to deal with the situation asap. is this person on their own at present ? if so is there any steps you could take to address that, if that is not an option, might you require professional assistance. although i think i realise this may be a difficult decision for you, and you will hope you are not over reacting, but sometimes we just need to go on our instincts,

[nursecarla]

That is exactly what it is crete instinct because to anyone else they same exactly the same as ever, there is something deeper going on :( maybe assistance is what is required x x x x x x

[crete]

keep us posted, better to make a mistake than regret going with your instincts, good luck

[Eve]

Why don't you post a nice card through their door as soon as you can saying you feel something is wrong and that you're there for them if they need you.

Say it doesn't matter if they feel that they can't confide in you at the moment if at all but you want them to know they're not alone and put in some numbers they could use eg the Samaritans.

I did this for my ex when he finally came out as gay and was terrified about anyone finding out. I gave him a card with loads of information and contact numbers in and I ended up taking him out on his first night on the scene :)

[blondebird]

What exactly is it that they are doing that makes you feel like this carla? Is it their actions? Are they being obsessive and making a fuss if things are not to their liking? Are they being over happy and abit over the top generally? there must be a behavior that you can pinpoint that has made you think this way. maybe they are themselves not even aware they are giving out these signals, we can all become quite insular at certain times when things are weighing heavy on our minds and the future seems to only remind us what has gone and will never be recovered. if we surround ourselves with familiar people who care about us, and try, but not too hard, to make oursleves get on with our lives until the mood passes, then we can often get through the bad times quite well. however, if there is also a physiological problem that hits us when we are at our lowest, then sometimes the downs last longer. seeing someone like yourself showing such concern and with a sincere wish to support them but not crowd them, should give them encouragement.

Remember that everyonme has milsetones to pass and burdens to carry. Just sometimes we are lifted by a look or a word.

[Carakeel]

Jenna, that is lovely. Both you and crete are absolutely right in what you suggest. nursecarla I think you need to make sure your friend understands that whatever it is that is going wrong in his/her life will not shock you and that you will be there for him/her regardless. It may be something that might seem small to others but very big to your friend at the moment, or the opposite. I would try to keep contact on a daily basis and try to have time out together somewhere where your friend will feel comfortable talking to you in confidence. Just be there for them, but do not pressure them. Certainly keep a close eye out though just in case and if things get too much for you to handle get professional advice from the Samaritans or if it gets dire, try to get your friend to a doctor. I wish you well with this. You are a valuable and true friend and I really hope your friend will gather strength from knowing you care so much.

[wolf63]

there are so many things that it could be. I am bipolar and have one friend who has stood by me for the last 20 + years. She accepts me however I am acting, but she knows when I am not yet ill but on my way there.

Whatever the problem turns out to be - talk to her and stand by her.

Remember that there is no such thing as 'normal' behaviour, or so my psychiatrist says.

[WendyS]

It's difficult because sometimes even very close friends need to have their private space at times when things are difficult. Perhaps it's because she is having problems articulating the problem to herself, let alone anybody else. But if you really believe something is wrong, perhaps all you can do is tackle her in a quiet moment over a cup of coffee along the lines of "I sense that something is really troubling you, despite the fact that you're putting on a good face, and I wonder whether it's anything I can help with?"
If she doesn't respond to an initiative like that, then she probably can't share it with you, or doesn't want to, and there's very little you can do except be there to help pick up pieces at a later date.