I'm the jealous type. At least I think this was jealousy.
I kinda fell for a girl I work with, but for various reasons I knew nothing could ever come of it. When we talked I'd be on cloud nine, no depression I was in could survive those blue eyes and that sparkling smile. So I was stuck in unrequited love limbo.
Every time I saw her on her mobile I would wonder who she was talking to, was it a new boyfriend? She had many friends of both sexes and when I saw her trotting out to lunch with a male friend I would feel like I'd died, could this be her new bloke?
I was once out on a job with a couple of colleagues and we passed a hotel in town. One said 'Didn't X stay there once'. I put two and two together. My heart sank, it felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. I spent the rest of the car journey with my fingers in my ears. I never knew it could cause actual physical pain.
This was pretty much how it was everyday for well over a year. Then she did get herself a new boyfriend. Some scumbag she met on holiday.
When I figured it out I couldn't stand it any more and I asked her. She told me what she knew I wanted to hear, that he was just a friend. But I knew.
When I told the only person I had confided in about it I was fighting back tears. This was not a happy time in my life. Still isn't.
Jealousy is a bad thing.