Jealousy?

[Scarlett]

When I was 18 and at uni I had a special male friend who would come and visit me in my room- we'd talk philosophy through the night. I was very flattered by this and hoped it might become more than platonic over time. Then one day my friend Gill stopped by as my male friend was visiting. I sat and watched her flirt and giggle and preen and flatter him. The next day they were going out, I lost him as a friend and that was that. 30 years on I have a special male friend who I do everything with- hope it might become something more; and my lodger is now doing the same thing- giggling, flirting, being tactile. I want to punch her. He, of course, loves the attention and probably fancies her a lot more than he does me. I am not proud of the jealousy I feel. Any thoughts on what I should do?

[dieseldick]

make ur move now....and fast

[Peaspeculiars]

I think you're going to have to accept that when you have a platonic relationship with someone that you haven't moved forward to turn into a sexual relationship, it will remain just that - platonic. And if they find a sexual partner, they will want to spend more time with them than with you.
That's life I'm afraid.
If you want your relationship with your flatmate to become more than platonic, make a move and see what happens, otherwise yes, he will find other people who are flirting with him a green light as he has no ties to you other than as friends.
If you don't want to make that move, try to be happy for him if and when he finds a soul mate.

[Scarlett]

I am really bad at making moves as I always felt it should be the mans job (old fashioned and very shy!). All boyfriends I've had have been where the man has pursued me. In your opinion how could I test the water and ask him without risking ruining our friendship?

[ummmm]

Tell your lodger how you feel about your friend.

You also have to be prepared that trying to be more than friends can completely change your friendship if he doesn't feel the same as you.

I've been in a relationship with my good friend for over 7 years so it can work.

[Old_Geezer]

Interesting, I always thought it was wrong us men were expected to make the first move. An example of how it was a woman's world I was living in. Try finding things about him to complement and maybe ask if he fancies going for a drink ?

[Old_Geezer]

Btw I believe it is much more difficult to change a relationship you have allowed to develop into "just friends" into something more intimate than it is to show interest early on before the relationship has been pigeonholed. Not impossible but an uphill task.

[Scarlett]

Old geezer- it's a bit beyond that. We are together every day. We sleep in the same bed (wearing clothes) to save him driving home. We eat together. We go out and do things together. We're very tactile and intimate. Just not sexually!

[janbee]

Get in there girl, otherwise.. another one bites the dust.

[ummmm]

How long have you been friends?

[Scarlett]

Just over 9 months

[ummmm]

Well that's a lot of time spent together for just friends. I'd risk it and say something.

[Sqad]

SEX........women always under estimate the importance of sex to a man.

Male 1.....platonic and you lost him.
Male 2.....platonic and you will lose him too.

Platonic relationships with no physical sex are just going to be that...platonic.

\\\Any thoughts on what I should do?\\\

Instigate sexual advances...........you have nothing to lose.

[Scarlett]

Interesting Sqad. I am so inexperienced in all this, despite my years. What would work for you? I mean, we are very tactile but only in a friends / mucking about way.
Not sure how to do this!

[Sqad]

Dress, both clothes and underwear is important......blouse and skirt ( blouse showing some cleft) smart skirt depending upon your age and shape.....flared or tight.
Underwear......again, important as is perfume, hair do and make up.

Make an effort and let it be seen that you are making an effort.

I don't know your circumstances, but, dinner for two at an up market restaurant....chatting....wine....then YOU flirt with him. Back to your place and remember, it is difficult to make a pass sitting down. Standing up , looking out of the window or looking at a picture on the wall and then.....stroke his neck.
Kissing is SO important as foreplay.

Good luck.

[ummmm]

Is he showing any interest in your lodger?

[whirlyhurly]

I just don't think he "fancies" you or else he would have made his move by now.

[snags]

‘friends for over 9 months… together every day… sleep in the same bed (wearing clothes)… eat together… go out and do things together… very tactile and intimate but not sexually’

I think if he was interested in anything more it would have happened by now…

[Ric.ror]

I love you Sqad
You've made me smile this morning

[andy-hughes]

Platonic relationships are tricky.

Usually, it is the guy who has unrequited feelings, and often can ruin things.

But whichever side of the equation is tipping, you have to be very careful.

You need to be reasonably sure that your intended is likely to feel the same way - because whichever it goes, it's going to change your relationship.

Either you will proceed as a couple, you may continue as friends, but it will never be quite the same again, or it may split your friendship up.

It is easier for a woman making the move because women have the ability to see what is there, as opposed to what they would like to be there, which is what men see, and get wrong most of the time.

So, decision time.

If you don't want to lose him as a friend, then learn to live with the fact that he will see other girls as partners, and not you.

If you think you have a chance, make a move and see what happens.

A final word of caution - either he thinks you wouldn't fancy him, and he will be thrilled to find you feel the same way or, and this is the hard bit -

he hasn't made a move because he only sees you as a friend, and is comfortable with the way things are.

Good luck.

[Scarlett]

Ummmm not really, but cos he is so tactile and hugs everyone and is very friendly, she might think he does, and put out signals to him. Like all men, he won't turn down sex if it's offered- she's young and thin, I am not.