Hi Bobbikay.Good morning from your friends on AB
Sorry you are feeling so awful, I can relate, having been in very much the same state many years ago, even down to poetry and ciggies. I think the large ammount of coffee and therefor caffiene may be making things worse, including the dreams. Your body/mind is in a constantly rev ved up state. St Johns Wort, a herbal remedy has proved a successful anti-depressant for many people. Personally I found it masked the problem a didn't solve it. Can you get a yoga or relaxation tape or run or swim? The thing is to know that it does and will pass, I guess it did for you before.
Do you think your depression might be seasonal? Try to find the courage to talk to your doctor and maybe a proper councillor, talking it all through with someone can be so helpful and don't dismiss the positive benifits of writing stuff down or crying (but not all the time) Are you still at home? Could you go with your Mom for a walk together each day? just a short one at first? I too stayed indoors for ages, but I forced myself and I got better. YOU CAN TOO
Very Best Wishes, 'see you again' on AB soon.