Anyone ever been with a 'controlling' partner ?

[Roughquest]

If so did you overcome the problem, if so how? Is counselling the only option?

[lindapinda]

I haven't RQ,but,2 of my friends had very controlling partners. Nothing will make any difference until the controlling person admits they are doing that.

[Trinny]

Hi Roughquest. Controlling in what way?

[Roughquest]

well, have just driven home from my new fellas house, this has happened twice now, re the texting messages thingy, the other weekend he went off in a moody at me for texting friends late at night, which agreed was rude of me, meanwhile he insists on telling me about every text message he gets, and whom its from (especially a girl he knows), I dont need or want to be told everytime, and dont care, but tonight my phone was on silent so when i got a text it buzzed in my back jeans pocket, he went off on one again accusing me of hiding something as my phone was on silent. I showed him the text as it was from a woman friend of mine, but I could not win, he is obviously insecure, his last wife had an affair. He doesnt trust anyone. Least of all me. I cant win here, so I just left and got in my car and come home. I hate men ! Why are they such *****??

[Trinny]

I think texting is probably the worst invention of modern techology!

[stokeace]

hi rq yes he is VERY insecure and he owes you an apology...........sorry to be the bearer of bad news but this will become worse before it gets better.why should you bear the brunt of his insecurity because his ex had an affair?the next accusations will be about you talking to someone/looking in the wrong direction if there is another man there.my ex was exactly like that and believe me it took many years to get my self confidence back because they wear you down with their accusations and inuendoes.i served in the armed forces and i always thought i could endure most things but the mental and obsessive behaviour by my ex was the worst thing i have ever come across.please dont go down the same road as i did.if this is a new relationship i would get out nowall the best.

[Roughquest]

you can say that again trinny.....mobiles have a lot to answer for....

[lindapinda]

The texting thing must have been the evidence of his wife's cheating on him,I imagine?

[ELVIS68]

Sounds like you got yourself a green eyed monster there Roughquest

[legend761]

roughie i thot you were well sorted with him?
jealousy is a big problem and i imagine as you got on great a few weeks ago that he was trying to make a go of it.try talking.afterall he was best thing a week or so ago.
if you talk and cant resolve things then time to move on.if you care about him give him the chance to sort things with you

[Trinny]

I dont think he is a greeneyed monster. I think he is (because of you receiving texts) previously, now putting the shoe on the other foot, and seeing how you react when he gets texts.

He probably is insecure, if his ex had an affair. (same situation with my ex) They do tend to test you to the point where you dont know where you are.

My advice Roughquest, is for both of you to switch your mobiles off when you are together

[legend761]

trinny good answer.

he sounded like a good guy last week.
im sure hes worth trying a little for?

[ELVIS68]

That`s just sweeping it under the carpet Trinny, why should she switch her phone off?..that`s not going to solve the problem is it, all he`ll do then is wonder how many texts she`s been getting while it`s switched off and she`ll be reading them once she`s home...red rag to a bull

[Trinny]

Elvis, they should BOTH switch their phones off. He may of received texts too in the meantime, not just Roughquest.

[legend761]

i think i had best idea.


talk.

mobiles and the internet can cause many problems.

[ELVIS68]

But he`s the one with the problem about her getting texts, she`s already said she`s not interested in his texts and doesn`t care, it`s just jealousy, the sooner they discuss the problem the better off she`ll be, switching phones off will not solve the problem

[Trinny]

legend, I agree with you. Texting/emails are often the easy way out. And cause mega problems.

Thing is, sometimes thats the option for the cowards who cant face the phone call!

[Trinny]

I dont agree Elvis. I think Roughquest getting the texts in the first place caused this commotion.

But its their problem, so let them sort it out.

[legend761]

trinny i agree with you.

did i touch a nerve there?

[Trinny]

yes you did legend.

Mature adults talk. cowards and immature wimps...email!

[ELVIS68]

So she`s not allowed to get texts from her friends incase he gets the wrong idea?...how can they have a relationship if they have to do things like that?