suicide attempt

[warpig3]

firstly I don't want to get into a debate on the rights or wrongs of suicide, I would just like some info or enlightenment.

I was speaking to an acquaintance yesterday who told me that she had attempted suicide last Wed following some bad news. She stated it very matter-of-factly and I was lost for words as to what to say. I understand that she has made 3 previous attempts prior to this. She has suffered from depression for many years, has an alcohol dependency and basically from what I can gather has had a pretty sh*t life and nothing seems to go right for her.

Please excuse my ignorance or insensitivity but I was wondering is it possible for someone to be so constantly depressed that this is always at the back of their mind and the smallest thing is enough to push them over the edge (practically then and there by her account) or is it something that would be contemplated long and hard before hand? Or does it just depend on the situation?

Thanks in advance for your answers.
warpig

[888sally888]

Thank you Ray and I am very sorry to hear about your friend too x

[warpig3]

Bathsheba, yes she is on antidepressants but I suspect that most/some of the time she doesn't take them.

Hi Ray, I will treat it as a cry for help and suggest that she goes to the doctors and offer to go with her but as Sally says and I am sure you will agree, given my situation there is little else I can offer, the piglet comes first.

Sally, I did think it was a bit mean to be landed with this too but now I have a crisis of conscience as I don't want to betray her trust but at the same time don't want to be burdened with this alone. I would tell my partner (her partners brother) but unfortunately he cant hold his own water and I fear that it would do more harm than good.

I will wait and see what tomorrow meeting brings.

[888sally888]

I think you can kindly say to her that you feel worried that you cannot offer her the time that she will need cos of Piglet.

Try and establish with her who else can help but she does need professional help.

You also said she didnt take her medication regularly - my daughter never missed a tablet when she was feeling really bad as she wanted to feel better and she was only 16 at the time. Again this seems attention seeking.

[888sally888]

No legend - you are right. When I had post natal depression even my ex husband didnt pick up on it!

[maximo]

Legend, that's the most touching and sensible thing I've seen you write in ages. Thought I'd let you know. xxx

[maximo]

I think there is also a case of people not wanting their loved ones to know, through fear of hurting them, or through shame. I haven't told my mum. She doesn't know I have been off work for a month, she doesn't know I have been on medication for a year. Actually, most people don't, including online "friends" (although now I suppose they might!). The guilt is made even worse by the lying, but anything is better than hurting someone you love.

[warpig3]

Hi leggy, I agree with everything you say and I hope that she does find happiness.

[maximo]

What I meant by that, is that you can't blame yourself for not having seen the "signs" or not having helped, as a lot of the time people actualy do not want anyone to know, so that they do not feel guilty or worried.

[warpig3]

Yes max, I am sure there is an element of 'not telling anyone' as her family must have been through this before. Perhaps it was easier to tell me as I am outside the family circle and therefore more detached.

I think the best course of action from everything you all have said is to encourage her to seek help and offer her what support I can (whilst making it clear I have my own priorities).

Thank you all for your help, advice and comments, they are very much appreciated and I now have a direction to move toward.

Thank you
warpig

[Bathsheba]

Will you let us know how she is after you've seen her warpig?On this thread? Thanks. Thinking of you both, Bath x

[warpig3]

Yes bethsheba will do, probably be Wed morning.

[888sally888]

Am rooting for you warpig and sending you strength. Sorry the reply is late - been out walking the dog - have to say that is def the best therapy!

[andy-hughes]

Hi warpig

First of all, my sincere sympathies for the situation in which you find yourself.

As you can by the speed and depth of responses on here, there are a number of AB'ers with experiencec of depression and suicide, wshich at least will let you know you are not alone.

First things first - your SIL's situation is NOT your responsibility, so don;t torture yourself looking for the 'right' thing to do or say.

Follow your insticts.

Be there for her when she comes to you, leave her alone when she doesn't.

If you can't think if the 'right' thing to say, say nothing - you are doing the best thing by being company for her while she gets her thoughts in order.

Try to encourage her to talk about what is troubling her - to you, or to someone like The Samaritans, who have vast experience, and can be there at times when you are occupioed with your own family.

Share with us - we aill support you when you need it.

Remember, neither the cause or the actions of your SIL's behaviour are down to you, so no worrying about 'seeing the signs' or 'doing more' - none of us have a script for this, we learn as we go.

Don't get so wrapped up in this that you harm yourself, even a little - you must maintain your own equilibrium through this.

Don't worry - it will workj out for the best in the end.

Thinking of you.

A x

[dartagnon]

Hi Warpig, First of all let me offer my sympathy to you for the situation you've been placed in, but as a few of the ABers have pointed out there will come a time when you will need to put your own and piglets health first.
I was a Police Officer for 30 years and one of the things we discovered was that when I was interviewing relatives/friends after a suicide the common phrase used by them was that he/she had been very depressed, but for the past few days they seemed happy. This appears to be that the person has finally made up their mind to do the deed and therefore they're no longer in mental turmoil.
There's also the popular misconception that unsuccessful attempts are a cry for help.
WRONG. Statistics show that the majority of people who commit suicide had attempted it on a previous occasion.
My thoughts are with you and please keep us posted as to how the meeting with her goes, but remember you're health and baby come first.
If you have to seek counselling for her without her consent then she may be initially angry with you, but she'll thank you in the future and you'll have eased the pressure on youself.
Once again - Good luck.

[Chaterbank]

When the going gets though and the though is at its dead end, and being judge or chastised constantly by everyone who doesn't even take time to listen or find out the situation, one can be lead to do anything irrational. I am there so I am speaking from experience. No matter how strong one is or pretends to be, at the end of the day they alone know what they are facing. Live is though and shetty.

[mistys]

I just wanted to say that I'm in a similar situation to warpig and has been killing me inside.
So thank you everyone for your comment's, they have helped me more than you could know.
xxxxxx

[warpig3]

Good morning and thank you all for the additional comments.

Mistys, glad this post has been of some help to you too, as it has really put a lot of things in perspective for me as well.

I too have suffered depression in the past and taken medication for it but nothing on a scale that my SIL is suffering, never for so long or for such terrible and tragic reasons. So to even comprehend her torment is beyond me. Chaterbank is right, life is shetty, it just seems that some get more shet that others!

Will keep you posted.

many thanks for your support
warpig