suicide attempt

[warpig3]

firstly I don't want to get into a debate on the rights or wrongs of suicide, I would just like some info or enlightenment.

I was speaking to an acquaintance yesterday who told me that she had attempted suicide last Wed following some bad news. She stated it very matter-of-factly and I was lost for words as to what to say. I understand that she has made 3 previous attempts prior to this. She has suffered from depression for many years, has an alcohol dependency and basically from what I can gather has had a pretty sh*t life and nothing seems to go right for her.

Please excuse my ignorance or insensitivity but I was wondering is it possible for someone to be so constantly depressed that this is always at the back of their mind and the smallest thing is enough to push them over the edge (practically then and there by her account) or is it something that would be contemplated long and hard before hand? Or does it just depend on the situation?

Thanks in advance for your answers.
warpig

[888sally888]

Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain and I believe something can 'snap' and thats it, you just do something extreme.

My uncle (a wonderful man) commited suicide 17 years ago. He pruned the roses, fixed his boat engine and was due to go for a walk with my auntie. She couldnt find him until she walked into the garage and found him hanging from the beams. I dont think you can find any logic in suicide. It just seems to be something that takes over.

[warpig3]

You see thats the thing sally, your uncle pruned the roses, fixed the engine and possibly knew that your aunt would go looking for him. Was he 'getting his house in order', had he already made the decision? Sorry if this opens up old memories but I am just trying to 'understand' where my friend is coming from and how best to help her or even if I can.

[888sally888]

I dont feel he was getting the house in order because they are just normal things to do really. It was his sons birthday too and he loved his family so I feel this was no way pre planned.

I do think that sometimes this behaviour is a cry for help and attention seeking. The fact that she told you so casually almost makes me think she was hoping to cause a shock reation from you.

The thing is, there is not logic so its really hard for you to understand.

I had post natal depression after I had my 2nd daughter and I have thought that suicide would be an option but i have NEVER got close to actually planning or really considereing it. Depression is horrible - you can think of al the positive things in your life but not be able to see them throught the smog of pain and sadness.

[maximo]

I think it really depends on the person. Most of the time, suicide happens when the person has been suffering with depression for a long time, and has generally turned to alcohol and/or drugs to "escape" the pain. I don't think the decision in that case is so much planned, or thought about, than it is felt to be the only way left to end the suffering there and then. They literally have had enough.
Some people commit suicide after a traumatic event, but chance are they have been suffering in silence for a while prior to this. In any case, everyone is different, and in particular where the attempt is successful, the reasons only lie within the person himself. I don't think aything is more intimate, or personal, than suicide. That is why it is so difficult for relatives and loved ones to understand or at least come to terms with it.

[888sally888]

Yes - like I said Maximo when your not depressed you can look at life and decisions logically and see reasons why life is good although sometimes hard. Thats what makes it imposible to understand it.

I think depression strips you of that logic.

[maximo]

I very much agree Sally. In this case, saying that "nobody can understand" is true. Depression makes you retreat inside yourself, and prevents you from seeing things logically or pragmatically. Nothing anyone says will or can help. The cure comes from within, and that is why it is so hard to fight, and so very badly understood.

[maximo]

Just meant to add, it is so hard to fight, because, ironically, the only person who can help is precisely the one who is less able to: oneself.

[888sally888]

My daughter took an overdose April 15th last year and I thank god for every day i have with her now. She is a wonderful girl but like I said just in a second lost it. I was in Ireland for my birthday when she called me to tell me the next day. Just before it happened we had spoken about using the washing machine and she sounded fine.

We are even closer now and talk all the time - I think this helps - also writing feeling down helps too, so maybe warpig3 you could suggest that to your friend.

[warpig3]

I think thats the thing, because I am not in that place I can not get my head round it, and what seemed a problem for her would not have been one for me but then again I don't have all the other cr*p going on that she does.

Sally you touched on something that I was thinking but didn't want to say as I felt guilty for even thinking it, and that is the matter of fact way she mentioned it, but maybe it was matter of fact for her. She told me in confidence and no one else in the family has mentioned it (she is my sister in law), she didn' t say how she had attempted it or if she had to go to hospital and to my shame I didn't ask, perhaps I didn't want to know. I will be seeing her tomorrow so hopefully I will know more about it then.

I think the whole situation has just got me on tender hooks now because although I knew she was depressed I didn't know just how 'close' to the edge she was or still is for that matter and part of me wonders what happens next time there is a problem.

[888sally888]

Well the thing that springs to mind immediatey is that its totally unfair for you to be burdened with this alone. Its too much for you to be expected to help her with.

I think you should encourage her to seek help - doctors and then some counselling - you can offer to go with her.

Am I right in thinking you are pregnant (from another thread) - sorry if I am wrong!!

[warpig3]

Sorry sally, cross posting.

Sorry to hear about your daughter but that does shed some light on it for me. Maybe my firend did just lose it. I will have a chat with her tomorrow and suggest that she may find it helpful to write things down. She is a very spiritual and caring person and I would like to support her as much as possible but I am also concerned that the whole situation may effect me too (selfish but true) if I become involved, besides the fact that I am in no way qualified to begin to understand.

[Bathsheba]

Ah bless, warpig. I am so sorry. The thing that immediately springs to my mind is the alcohol problem. That is the problem that needs to be tackled first. Alcohol is such an evil poison (literally) that it will be cancelling out any benefits your friend may be getting from the anti-depressants. Sadly, it's impossible to help an alcoholic until they have made the decision themselves that enough is enough.
I feel for you both, and wish you good luck.

[warpig3]

Thank you sally, I will ask tomorrow if she has spoken to her doctor and offer to go with her if she wants me to. And yes I am pregnant so you can understand my reluctance to get too involved, in case I have problems of my own and have to withdraw my support for personal reasons.

[888sally888]

I can honestly say that supporting a depressed person is absolutely exhausting and draining. It put a huge strain on me and my husband.

Please dont take all this on on your own.

[Bathsheba]

Sorry, I've just re-read your post and noticed you didn't mention if your friend was on antidepressants- I guess I just assumed she was because GPs tend to hand them out like Smarties these days! In my experience though, they do work, if you stay away from alcohol.

[raysparx1]

hi warpig, A friend of mine committed suicide just over 2 years ago, I won't say how just in case any relatives are on here and read it, he had been slightly depressed but nothing really bad, or so he said, we went out for a meal with him and his wife, on the friday night and had a lovely night, and on the monday morning, gone, I still don't understand it, don't think I ever will, but I do so feel for his wife and children, why ? it is such a selfish thing to do, it can only be because the mind isn't working correctly, nobody would want to cause such pain would they.

I think with your friend it is a call for help, they need to talk about how they feel without being judged, I do heop that things turn out ok for them, ray xx

[888sally888]

Warpig - you sound like a lovely caring person but when you have your baby you will not be able to help her to the extent that she needs.

You must put you and baby warpig 1st. I think she is a bot naughty using you to offload on as you are pregnant.

You will have your hands full and nothing should dampen the happiness of having your baby.

I think she is being naughty treating you like this and you must get others involved to take the pressure off you.

PS sorry if I sound like your mum!!

[888sally888]

Ray - thats the hard thing that its seen as selfish by us but to people who do it maybe its SELFLESS as they dont feel thay have anything to offer and not worth anything.

Its so sad and as I said i thank god for my daughter still beng here with me.

[warpig3]

Bathsheba, I completely agree about the alcohol, and I have had serious issues with it myself in the past (fortunately not any more) but I know from personal experience that it 'addles' the brain and reason goes out the window. I agree that she needs to make the decision to stop drinking but at the moment she seems to be caught in a catch 22 position which is spiralling downward. What was that Homer Simpson quote 'Alcohol, the cause of and the solution to all our problems', how true.

[raysparx1]

sally,, what you wrote is one of the truest things I have ever read, hope you both have happy lives, love to you both sally and warpig, Ray xx