is he cheating

[minnie1974]

hi all, my partner is a manager and often as too go too london for meetings and occasionally they stay over night. My partner as told me he as too stay over monday night due too a meeting on tuesday and will be going straight too london, monday and not going into the office. However he left his blackberry at home and i read his work emails, one with him stating he'd be picking up some collection money on monday, too order some flowers for a colleagues relative who as died. He's in lopndon today so ive been ringing his office pretending too be someone else, trying too find out when he's back in the office, unfortunately theres no one answering. I cant even get hold of his mobile because its his prize possession and he keeps it on him all the time, un less i attempt too get it when hes asleep. If he ask him about this, he'll just start ranting that i dont trust him, only been with him 8 months, if left his wife for me and im worried he's going too see her monday night. am i being paranoid, please help?

[ummmm]

This doesn't really make sense!!!

He left his wife for you and now you can't get hold of him?

Phone his ex and ask if this is his normal behaviour......

[Nosha123]

leopards and spots spring to mind....

[redcrx]

well if he could cheat on his wife he can cheat on you.

of course he'll start ranting you dont trust him, because you dont, do you!

[QueenOfAmber]

I think I would be suspicious too because if he left his phone that either means he innocently forgot OR he didn't want anyone disturbing him... This is a classic example of wondering what your husband is doing while you're away, leave a message on his blackberry (or whatever it is) and don't leave your e-mail address. (then he'll know it's you) Wait a couple of weeks then pretend you got a call from a woman asking if he's free tonight, don't tell him your reaction but say you deleted it because you know he wouldn't be interested. If he looks interested he's cheating. Is this okay?

Hope this helps! :)

QueenOfAmber

[minnie1974]

i cant get too look at his mobile, i only saw his blackberry which is for work emails only. ive thought about watching him on monday morning too see if he catches the london train or the one too his office. Because i suspect he's going into work as normal then going off elsewhere for the night, and pretending he's in london. any suggestions on how too follow him wihout being spotted?

[redcrx]

ask his ex wife how she caught him out, maybe she has some good ideas?

why cant you just ask him?

[minnie1974]

because im scared of him and no if i do, he'll twist things and i'll end up feeling like im the one in the wrong. Cant ask his ex wife, because she'd say they were meeting even if they werent too get at me.

[Maypole]

In one sense its a bit irrelevant whether he is cheating or not.

You dont trust him and you dont sound very happy. Not a great basis for a relationship - have you got cold feet now he's left his wife?

[funnygirl]

If you cannot trust him, I cannot see this relationship lasting long. Because even if he is not cheating on you right now, there are gonna be other ocassions when you think he is and go through this all over again.

[redcrx]

youre scared of him?
If youre scared of your own parner then it doesnt look good for your relationship anyway does it?
may as well just confront him and if he tries to intimidate you rather than discuss things then kick him out.

[Maypole]

Absolutely agree with red and with a great deal of hindsight I sooooo wish Id done it myself lol.

[4getmenot]

from what Il;ve read you're better off without he seema like if he's done it before he can do it to you, he also sounds like he is trying to control you

[China Doll]

You can do both those things on a flying visit. I used to quite often say I was going straight to a meeting and then nip in to the office to do some last minute bits or collect something I needed. The last thing I'd expect is my partner to check up on me for a flying visit or to doubt my wherabouts because I changed my plans slightly whic he found out because he sneakily read my emails! Personally I think you're being irrational.

I also think you're irrationality stems from the fact you know he's capable of cheating since he did it with you. Either start trusting him or walk away. No point otherwise.

[Ethel]

When a man leaves his wife and moves in with his mistress, a vacancy is created.

Pointless and stupid you staying with a man you are scared of and can't trust.

Pack your bags and move on - don't waste another day on him

[brenda]

Agree with Ethel , just kick him in the whatnames and his Blackberry ,and get out of there You Ideserve so much better.
Good luck

[Whickerman]

Ethel is right in one sense, but can I just be the first to say that there's really nothing in your story to give us any impression that he's playing away. I work away from home too from time to time, and my marriage is secure, loving and trusting enough to deal with that. I think you need to have a long hard think about whether you are secure enough as a person to hold down a relationship. Your insecurities are rooted in his past fling with you, and that's really understandable, but he chose to be with you.

That said, I really am worried that you're afraid of him - are you physically afraid or are you just nervous in case you cause a row over nothing? If it's that you're afraid for your safety get out of there tonight.

I do wish you well in whatever course of action you take.

[Eve]

Why not suggest you join him in London sometime and you can shop in the day and you can go out in the evening, see what he says?

[johnny.5]

are you cheating on him ?

[tamirra]

I agree with Jenna, i would put him on the spot and say that you will meet him at the hotel and stay the night with him and you can both go out for a nice meal, see his reaction, if he hesitates you may have a problem, but if he has nothing to hide then i cant see a problem with him saying yes to your suggestion, good luck tho. x

[tamirra]

Johnny, why say that? typical man!