I love him..

[hippyhoppy]

but he's married - what's a girl to do..? step back or make a move..?

[weeal]

A woman saying she'll leave probably means she'll leave-
I think a bloke is different

[jake-the-peg]

Well he'd already left his wife.

My point is there are trends and yes lots of men say they'll leave and don't.

But not every man thinks and acts the same any more than every woman does.

[andy-hughes]

This scenario crops up often on here - as do the responses, which can be boiled down to -

He's a rat for doing this, you could never trust him ... etc.,

but from what I gather, you love him, and maybe he loves you too, but we can only address your side, because that it what we have.

I always remember Nigel havers, who left his wife for another woman. The media, because they are as shallow as their readers, kept equating him as 'The Bounder', a character he once played on TV years ago.

He was interviewed on TV and said "I didn;t go looking for this ... I have to deal with it ..." and that is more real than any 'Bounder' secnarios that surrounded him.

We don;t choose whom we love, or the circumstances that surround them. It's very easy to look down from the moral high ground, but intellectually, you know all those arguments perfectly well.

It's emotions that work here - no respecters of commitments, or circumstances, the emotions will have their way, and will never listen to reason, from us, or from anyone.

What do you do?

Move on. Impossibly hard, so very painful, but still the very best thing to do. This man may say he loves, you, and it may be true, but he may be dealing with issues he doesn;t understand, and looking to you to provide a get-out clause from his fears and his feelings.

Don't let him leave to come to you. Let him leave, and come to you in six months' time. That way you know he is there for you - if he stays away from his wife that long, maybe yoiu have a future.

I hope youo work this out. Love is wonderful, and cruel, often both at the same time.

[weeal]

Andy - that is one fantastic answer !!!

[andy-hughes]

Thank you, you are very kind.

A.

[ummmm]

And very true.

I was in a similar situation as hippyhoppy once. I stopped seeing him and he left. We are now just good friends and he's still left with no intentions of going back.

[unrulyjulie]

I just so agree with everything in Andys answer. We can't chose who we fall in love with, these things happen and just cause it does happen doesn't make someone a serial cheater.

Its ok taking the moral high ground but no one lives in someone elses marriage and knows whats really going on.

I know of two couples, one has been going 25 years and the other 15, both still incredibly strong. Both born from affairs. These people fell in love !

[smudge]

Great reply Andy - as is usual.

You are so right, you can't help who you fall in love with. It could happen to anyone - at any time, at any age!

[cazzz1975]

I think we should start stalking andy, big style :D

[weeal]

lol cazzz is there a queue?

[cazzz1975]

I think there is, but I am nosey and have big grabby hands so I have the advantage

[smudge]

I bet Andy already has all the women he needs in life - his wife & daughter/s. ;o}

[cazzz1975]

nothing wrong with a leisurely stalk n grab smudge ;D

[smudge]

lol cazzz - I was thinking about the title of this Q, he, he!

[sara3]

hippyhoppy.. this is LP, huh? OMG, how did you get to this?

here's what you do. give him some space for him to decide what he wants. if he leaves him wife, maybe see if you still want him.. but everyone will hate him so be prepared to deal with a very unhappy bunny.

sounds like a bit of a no win to me. I'm sorry. try to distance yourself until he decides which way to go. message me on FB if you want xx

[hippyhoppy]

Thanks for all your answers and opinions... I'm going to wait for him to contact me I think.. maybe if I leave it and try not to think about him then it will be easier...

Oh I don't know!!!

Anyhoo - thanks to my FB friends for your kind words and support....

Shall I take a ticket and get in line for Andy..?

[sara3]

no, you'll get crushed in the queue!

[smudge]

Oooo, don't go there hippy - you'll have Andy's wife after ya!

Seriously, it may be best to 'try' not to think about him too much - easier said than done when that's all you can think about.

Whatever the outcome, I wish you well. ;o}

[jno]

Andy's very thoughtful as ever, but I don't quite agree. I think the guy is going through pre-baby turmoil. I think you shouldn't do anything whatever until the baby's maybe three months old. This is not a good time to be detaching a male (even a love rat) from his wife; however it ends up there's going to be some serious grief. Let him decide how he really feels about fatherhood first. If he still wants out you can start thinking about it again.