Why is life so hard?

[Lorzy Lor]

Will it really look better in a years time looking back? Will it be better? I really really dont know what to do!

Leave or stay?

[Lorzy Lor]

I've said for him to book a relate appointment if he wants us to save our relationship. I am leaving the ball in his court. I dont want to leave, but i dont want to carry on living like this. for the sake of little man, he needs to see his mum in strong, happy, respected enviorment.

This is all screwing with my head. I feel totally numb, sad, angry randomly. i dont know how i havent been bloody commited yet.

[Lorzy Lor]

esther-ami - you are so right. that is EXACTLY it! I get so nervous. I never used to be like this.

I am needy, feel inscure, always think i'm in the wrong, and if i act one way he gets bugged, they i act diffrently and he's sometimes ok sometimes not.

My friends have noticed this change in charictor when he comes in, etc.

[pinktwink]

lor life is what you make it. take the good with the bad and lesrn from it. Dont beat yourself up and be true to yourself. Focus on all the positives. Reward yourself with kind remarks. If you dont love youself you wont be able to accept the love of others.
decide what you want from life. Talk to your partner and try to set aside positive couple time with things you both enjoy, be open about your feelings and be willing to listen to his without taking it personal. Perhaps counselling may help

[Ice.Maiden]

See if he accepts the Relate idea. If not, then it looks as though he's unwilling to even try to put things right. No wonder you're feeling confused about things, but as you say, your little man deserves better than this. If you stay in this situation, your self-esteem'll sink even lower. Awful though it is, you may have to part, but once you're feeling strong again, you'll wonder why you put up with your man's behaviour for so long. All the best to you.

[Lorzy Lor]

thank you Ice.Maiden

I just want it all over, every bit of the last 3 months.

[Lorzy Lor]

esther-ami thank you too, its like reading exactly what, how i feel.

We met and married with in six months. It was amazing. I was 18 when we married he was 29. I think this may be where the problem lies, as i was so young and care free, i didnt know myself properly and now i'm 27 i dont think i know or like who i am anymore.

I do say nothing, as it is easier. like i said, its uncanny how you are so right, that is exactly how i feel. Did you always end up saying sorry? or driffiting off mid sentance, coz you dont think there listening or intrested?

I think i have to give it a shot tho, with relate, i think. If he does organise it, i will mention it one more time, then see what happens. I am going to give it a time limit, and if its not better by then, i'm going to have to leave, i guess.

This is so sh*tty

[Velvetee]

I know I keep harping on about my recent situation, but your situation sounds similar to mine, in the sense, my partner, felt he had what he says was "A transfer of feelings", with some airhead woman who ends every sentence with "babe".

He always said he'd be there for me, no matter what, but seemed to go off the rails when I became pregnant 8 months ago. I found out he'd been having chats with this woman online and buying her presents, after asking him to be honest for months, he just lied and lied, making me out to be paranoid. He finally had to admit everything after I confronted him with evidence.

This all came to light about 5-6 weeks ago and I still feel bitter and betrayed. I suppose you need to decide if there is anything worth saving in your relationship. It seems to me, men are very mentally weak and do not deal with emotional situations as well as most women do, so they look for an outlet for their situation, often this can be another woman.

Does your partner want to save your relationship? If you both think you have a future together, then perhaps you could both benefit from relationship counselling.

[Lorzy Lor]

its obvious he doesnt really like who i am now either, i understand i'm not the same.

But i dont know who the real me is anymore. I know its not this.

[Razzle09]

Hi Lorzi Might sound like a silly question but what resources do you have. Do you have the support of your family and friends.

I ask that because it will makes things much easier SHOULD you decide it is time for you to part. From what you are saying it does not sound like the best place for you to be at the moment!!

[sara3]

Lorzy, I haven't read all the replies so may be duplicating, but you sound like your spirit has been crushed. you need some time out to remember who you are, and then you'll be in a position to know how to move forward.

imagine yourself staying. then, when you look back in 5-10 years time, do you think you'll have wasted more years?

[Lorzy Lor]

Velvetee - bl**dy hell, you poor thing. I can definantly say that my son is the best thing to ever have happend to me. he is my little angle (not so angelic sometimes...) hard work - but so rewarding!

But he is what has made me drive on at the moment, god knows, if he wasnt here i dont know where i'd be. he's my ancher and i have to do him proud.

My husband i think does want to save our marrage, i think we both need head space at the moment. I deffinantly do.

[Lorzy Lor]

Razzle09 - hey, i am very lucky. My mum and dad are behind me what ever i decide. They said we can move in with them (in my old room weirdly). My best friend said i can go to her, but she lives so far away from everywhere i dont think it'd work sadly.

Finances - dont even go there - i have nothing, i am completely reliant on my husband. I have a little shashed away, no where near enough.

Sara3 - i need to think on that, you do rase a good point, i just dont know, its all on me to deside. I definantly havent wasted it as i have my little one. But space, got to get some space

[Lorzy Lor]

Got to go to bed, little one will be up in a few hours! thanks for your advice, much appreciated.

only time will tell i guess.

good night

[sara3]

Lorzy, you sound like you'll have lots of support.

good luck to you, whatever you decide xx

[tamborine]

you have your own 'little man' to concentrate on - do just that! If father finances you both then stay - 'please yourself' & turn a blind-eye to his antics. He will come round when he realizes how much closer his son is to you - he wont want to be left out!

New partners are not easy when you already have a child....too much adjustment for the son.

[smudge742]

I think if you are finding that you are going to places when you don't want to and are feeling pushed into it then at the very least you need to sit down and have a good talk, get your mum to have the little one so you have some space to talk. If he is emotionally cruel then that needs dealing with if you are to stay together. Does he want you to stay or have you not discussed the possibility of ending the relationship. You sound very unhappy and I do know how you are feeling (I have been there and am coming out the other side). If he and you want to stay together then it may be beneficial to look into counselling together. On the other hand if his behaviour is intolerable and he says he is doing nothing wrong and has no intention of making it work, then you put yourself and your child first. You WILL be ok, and it can be done. Believe me when I say, you are stronger than you think. Because of your child, you will get through this. If you want to talk, let me know and I will give you my email. Thinking of you and take care x

[cymruambyth1]

Lor, I found out in February that my partner of two years (who I live with) almost cheated on me. Thankfully he didnt, and a lot of it was chasing from the other woman, he said we were going through a rough patch and arguing a lot.

Since I found out, our relationship has been so so so much better I cant even say. Admittedly it took a while to trust him again, and he knows if he ever did anything like that again then it would be over.

He said that he realised how much he loved me and would never dream of doing something like that again.

So the way I see it is if your husband emailing someone else hasnt pushed him into wanting to sort his marriage out with you, he clearly isnt worth it. You dont trust him anymore, and without that, a relationship is impossible. You are always going to question him and he is going to tire of the questions.

[cymruambyth1]

I keep trying to post answers and it isnt working!! I will try again!