How can I change?

[YellowTaxi]

I used to be the person who was really conversational, and made everyone feel at home. I would always fill in the awkward silences and was just really friendly and outgoing, funny and liked.

Nowadays I'm the exact opposite, and I can't work out why. At parties I often ended sitting in the corner texting people on my phone, too nervous to socialise. I constantly put myself down, and feel as if no one really likes me anymore. I genuinely think Ive turned into an annoying person. I don't know what has gone wrong!

I always try to compensate by looking good and dressing up, and I always end up looking nice but obviously i know deep down that it won't make any difference. It' the summer holidays now and I want to change. I want to find myself again.

Has anyone been through something similar? Any advice?

[happyone2]

i wonder if you dont really know who the "real" you is..................... and therefore you have always felt you need to put on an "act", the person who always makes everyone else feel accepted and makin sure the have had a good time.

But actually the positive is that you realise that perhaps there is something not quite rght about this...........you dont need other people to accept you, you need to accept you

sick bucket making perhaps but still true !!!

relax, learn to love yourself for what you are, faults and all !!

Good luck !!

[YellowTaxi]

Yeah I completely agree with what you're saying! I've been trying to relax and find myself all year but I don't feel like I've made any progress. And the way I was before truly was myself, I was always happy and comfortable and really loved myself. I was never putting on a show. Everything has just gone wrong and I don't know why.

[Eve]

Maybe try some talking therapy to try and find out where it comes from and how to deal with it.

I've found an amazing therapist this year and she has really shown me a lot in relaising where certain thoughts and feelings have come from and how to challenge them and deal with them.

I've had such low self esteem lately and it's taken me a long time to realise how I've been subconsciously validating other people's negative views about me (namely my ex) when it was actually their problem (ie control freak nature), not mine.

I have an issue in social situations, especially noisy places like pubs as I have a hearing problem. I get so frustrated at trying to pick up conversations and probably end up looking antisocial because I'm not joining in and stop even trying to listen and pick up what's being said.

I feel stupid telling people all the time and don't tend to go into thatkind of situation now (especially with really loud music and lots of people as my ears can't cope with that either) but when I do tell people then it is a lot easier.

I tend to go to things more in my comfort zone so I don't feel so left out and make an effort to go out with people who I have things in common with where I'm wanting to get involved and join in the conversation.

[jno]

like Jenna I used to be outgoing until I get hard of hearing; now I avoid pubs and parties and so on. So yes, I've been there, and there's nothing much I can do (hearing aids don't help).

But assuming you haven't got a medical problem, can I suggest something likehappyone - only the opposite? If you think it's true that you've been putting on act, and people liked it, and you liked the results, could you put on the act again? Even if you don't feel outgoing, you could still act outgoing , if you can remember how.

Have you heard the song from The King and I recommending this?:

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear, I fool myself as well!

[piggynose]

are you single? as most social gatherings include mainly couples, therefore making look like a leper, i know cuz a friend is going thru the same problem. she says most of her friends now avoid her now cuz they all want do the couples thing, doing up their houses having kids etc..