Marriage

[Yinzer]

What do you do when you can't stand the person you are married to, you are slowly having the vitality sucked out of you and are turning into someone you're not as a result of living with someone so opposite of every value you grew up with? I'm 22 and the only reason I even got married was because I got pregnant (thank you, Catholic Guilt!). Love sometimes isn't enough - especially when I fell so doubtful these days. my biggest concern is our 1 year old son.
Anybody else have any experience or advice? It would be greatly appreciated as I feel like my life is crumbling around me.

p.s. Sorry for being so heavy this early in the morning!

[willow74]

I would suggest some counselling, either individually or as a couple, to try to stay together.  You may find that the marriage is savable.  Perhaps try RELATE as an option.

http://www.relate.org.uk/wantadvice/commonproblems/FAQ_1330.html

Your son will be fine, either with his parents together or seperated. It sometimes is worse for children if the parents do stay together, if it is a loveless marriage.  DO try to salvage the marriage first or you will live with regrets that perhaps you could of tried harder.

The very best of luck.

X

[jam4u]

I think willow74 is right, dont give up just yet, there is no harm in trying, and if it doesnt work out, then atleast u'll know u didnt give up without a fight. But the only way you can do this is if u really want because if in your mind you already think the marraige is over, going for counselling wont help much, its only if both of you think your marraige is worth saving and there is actually hope will it help.

Your son will be alrite, i dont think he would be much happier seeing both his parents unhappy. He is very young, it'll be tough for him to understand now, but with time he will.

Best of luck. Take care.

[SGKelloe32]

Hello, i am 21 and have recently split fromthe father of my daughter, who is 18 months old. I only moved in with him because i felt pressurised to do so withthe baby on the way, but after a year of beingtogether i realised i didnt want him.It is the hardest decision i had to make askinghim to leave, and it felt like i was letting mydaughter down by asking him to go.But i realised that i would rather she saw both meand her dad happy apart than unhappy together andshe seems a lot brighter now all the tension inmy house is gone. It is a struggle at first and youfeel� like your world has ended but even aftera couple of weeks you feel brighter....it felt likea huge relief when he shut that door behind himand�i knew it was over, i understand totally what you are going through, but you are the sameage as me and you have your whole life ahead of yougood luck.x

[Robinia]

Yinzer, how long have you felt this way?  You see you say your son is only one yr old & I'm no expert but you could have post natal depression. Please don't think that this is something you only get a few days/weeks after giving birth because I know from experience that it can start much later & become a long term state. Go & have a chat with your GP or health visitor & tell them exactly how you feel.  Maybe if you felt a bit happier in yourself then your marriage might not seem such a drudge.  Even if you do decide to part at a later date at least you might feel more confident than you obviously do now.

All the best.

[stressed out]

Yinzer, i totally sympathise with you! I'm 25 and my son is 1 too! His father and i have always had a rollercoaster relationship (i've been with him 3 years!) Arguements over everything ! Like you and your partner our values/opinions are opposite! Especially when it comes to our son's upbringing. I live with my son, his father does'nt live with us.(We are not married) Maybe that's a good thing. I tried to have him live with us but we just argued too much and we felt it was'nt fair on the baby or on me! It's not fair to have a newborn baby, being totally shattered and in pain from giving birth and have someone wanting to argue, nag and give opinions in your head! It's difficult because i know what i should do but i just can't end it. I still have feelings for him and i don't want to deprive my son of his father, even though i agree with SGKELLOE32, your child will be better off having parents who get along rather than be between them both suffering the arguements! Strange how i can see the solution but can't practice what i preach!  You will know when it's right, if you want to break up, more for the sake of your little boy but also for your peace of mind and so you can get on with your life. Don't prolong the agony. There's lots of single parents out there, some of my friends were raised by just one parent and it has'nt made them any more worse off than those who have both parents. I hope you will find your courage to do what is right for you and your son, whether it be to break up with your husband or stay together and try to make it work. Take care. x