Why am I feeling so jelous?

[proudmary]

Hello all, I feel such a fool, my husband who I love dearly hasn't been very well lately, depressed and has no confidence, he started to make a few friends online so he could chat during the day when I am at work. One of these friends (a lady) has travelled over 150 miles today on the train to see him. I am at work with a knot in my stomach, lump in my throat and just want to weep even though I know he loves me. I said it was ok and that I didn't have a problem with it which i didn't until now, I've been poorly myself lately with gynae problems and am at Dr tomorrow to see if a biopsy is needed so maybe that's what's making me feel so vulnerable. Then I'm thinking if I had only known someone four or five weeks would I make a 300 mile round trip to see someone just for a couple of hours? I'm sorry I've rambled, I just feel absolutely bereft and if I rang and told him he would be so upset that I feel this way, what can I do?

[liquidspace]

Go home unwell

[Clanad]

I rarely venture into this section and even more rarely offer an opinion. But sometimes it just befuddles me that people can be so very gullible and still breath air. Call me iconic, but it's kick butt and take names time...

Look, even though I live in the western U.S., there can't be that much difference between us... you're thinking up any excuse you can to hold on to a wimp of a man who's used a common life problem to make a fool of you. Give him 24 hours to move his sorry as s out and get on with your life... no, better, give him 1 hour. As we would say here... it's the cowboy way... Sheesh!

[Bbbananas]

I agree with liquid. There's probably nothing untoward going on, but a 300 mile round journey seems a little excessive. Tell him you're upset by it.

[welshlibranr]

I agree with liquidspace, find a reason to leave work early and go on home, no point staying there feeling like you do, then you can put your mind at rest, and also, if this lady has the wrong idea, your presence should let her know that she has the wrong idea entirely!...............

[lardhelmet]

If it was me I'd have developed a stonking migraine by now and had to go home. Sounds a bit dodge to me. Does this friend know he's married proudmary?

[ummmm]

Maybe she wants more....but maybe it's innocent.

I was willing to drive up to see Diz when he in hospital. Simply because I was worried about him. He's not married though.

My OH didn't mind because he trusts me 100%....and Diz was poorly. I don't think he'd be impressed if I invited someone here though, and rightly so.

[Nic2010]

I agree with everyone else go home (if you havent already) and put your mind to rest. I think your husband just wants some company but it is very odd to do a 300 mile round trip for someone you hardly know so i would question HER motives

Hope it is ok and quite innocent

[Robinia]

proudmary has only said this woman's coming to see her husband she didn't say where. If they're not at the house what then?
I wouldn't be at all pleased about this, I wonder if he's told her he has a wife.

[ummmm]

I'm sure he'll have a mobile...

[cazzz1975]

I would be concerned about her motives too Im afraid, I would go home, it will put your mind at rest Im sure there is nothing in it though, she may be en route to somewhere.

[Mick-Talbot]

A man would certainly not put up with this situation, so why should a woman. You made a grave mistake in saying it's ok in the first place. Now go home immediately and tell him this. I do hope nothing untoward is or has gone on.

[~Wingnut~]

I've got to tell you proudmary I don't think it's wrong to feel jealous, I know I would and would so not be happy with this at all! So what if he feels upset because you are not happy about this, does that mean he can do what he likes so long as he is happy? Doesn't seem very nice for you. I wonder how he would feel if this was the other way round?

[mazie]

Exactly what wingnut said. I hope it all turns out OK for you proudmary

[askyourgran]

It's a long way to go just to say hello.

[madmaggot]

There's trust and then there's stupidity!
Did he invite her to meet 'me and my wife' or does she even know that he's married? Go home and politely introduce yourself and say how nice it is to meet her as you are both very keen to make new friends. See if she stays around when you have appeared or if she makes her excuses and leaves (as I suspect she might).
If she stays around tell her that the two of you would love to visit her next time. Make a point of the fact that you are very much a couple.
Do you think he is in fact trying to induce jealousy in you; perhaps he's doubting your feelings towards him if he has been depressed? Let him know later that you came home because you felt jealous but don't make a scene about it.

[cazzz1975]

can you update us proudmary??

[proudmary]

Hello all, thank you so much for your answers, I couldn't go home at lunch time but when I got home tonight I found out that they had only been into town had coffee and chatted. I have told my hubby how I feel and he is really distressed because I got so upset, once the children are in bed we will spend the rest of the night talking through it. Thank you all for your advice and kind words I really appreciate the time you have taken to help me xx

[sara3]

Mary, if they plan to meet again I think you should be there. if she's just a friend it should be a sociable meeting.

good luck with your talk x

[helpmepls]

Why are you feeling so Jealous....er.....coz your hubbys being out of order!!!
I dont care what anyone says, that is wrong!

Yes men can be friends with women, of course, but surely it should be a lady that the wife knows too & not some ONLINE Hoe. Lol

I'm not trying to worry you but I would WATCH her!!!!

This is wrong!!

[boxtops]

Good luck mary - come and talk again if it helps, we'd like to know how it works out. Wishing you well.