i'm dreading it

[nextqueen]

we are going on holiday soon to a holiday complex where we always stay as my inlaws have a place there. we know people on the complex. a couple who we know always ask us out to have drinks and meals but just like to spend time on our own when we go away. i always feel too that i have to go round and announce we have arrived. i hate it and it feels like im under lots of pressure to start off the holiday. i do know they are both on a diet as they are off to their son's wedding in the carribbean soon. the last time we were out we met up in a bar by chance, had a late night so the next day when we planned to meet up they called it off as they were tired that afternoon. we were relieved. ive hinted in the odd email that it cant always be possible to go out with everyone all the time as they live there so their lifestyle is different and so you cant party all the time. gosh, i have a headache just thinking about it right now. we also said last time we were meeting up with friends who were out at the same time in a resort nearby. im thinking of all excuses, even thinking that i thought they had already left for the wedding in case we bump into them. im inclined to let them know, ask them out for a meal, night out knowing they dont want to because of their diet. its so stressful, any suggestions appreciated.

[Jemisa]

What sort of holiday will you have? afraid of stepping on toes, walking on egg-shells,
frightened of bumping in to each other? Somethings got to give at sometime & It could be unpleasant.
Could you not get your in-laws to have a quiet word?
I think mamy had the best idea.
You're in a Catch 22 situation aren't you? - Well I hope you solve it soon, it must be awful to 'Dread' your holidays.

Good Luck.

jem

[ethandron]

we had a couple of friends who we met on holiday. turned out they lived about 30 miles away from us so we tentatively started meeting up, then went to each others houses, then went on holiday together. then went on holiday AGAIN together - big mistake!!! they were far too buttoned-up, judgemental, self-concious about going to the pool or sunbathing together, and so on.....
when we got back home, we left longer and longer gaps between emails, hoping they'd get the message. they didn't. in the end we got an invitation to their house and we decided it had to be a short, sharp finish. so we sent an email saying we felt our friendship had run it's course, blah, blah. and that was it, over. no more making excuses, meeting up on sufferance, wondering what to do. job done.
you either live with it or let it spoil your holiday - not just this time, but all subsequent times too. i know what i'd do but you have to do what you feel is right.

[katekoala]

Hi NextQueen

No-one says you have to meet up with them all the time - what if they also feel the same and are being polite too ! (I have done the same) when they ask you to do something, just say you have something planned or your having some quiet time together. fraid there isnt much else you can do - either make your excuses (noones saying be rude & cut them off!), dont invite them to anything, or suffer lol

:)

[Sqad]

eth....LOL LOL LOL LOL

[ethandron]

mamy and ron, and eth and squad, a foursome eh?? maybe, but only if it includes that fish supper :o)

[Sqad]

kate

<<(noones saying be rude & cut them off!), <<<

Yes they are......I am......so is eth.

[nextqueen]

how do i get out of going to knock on the door and announce we have arrived though, damn and blast?

[Mamyalynne]

Yes but sqad only mentioned 3 portions o fish n chips, sniff, I need to keep me strength up you know, Ron can be very demanding.

nextqueen there are no more ideas really, unless you pretend to have some contagious lurgy and are there to recuperate.

[Jemisa]

Yeah! ethanron, I think thats a brilliant idea, I hope Queeny takes it on board. As I said somethings gotta give. then get on with your lives.

jem

[Sqad]

queenie


<<<how do i get out of going to knock on the door and announce we have arrived though, damn and blast?<<<

Now, oh! dear that IS a problem.....that door of theirs is just asking to be knocked. Surprise yourself and disappoint the door.

[katekoala]

ha - fair enough Squad - hadnt seen that !
CUT THEM OFF THEN ! :) lol

[nextqueen]

should i email to say we are going and be vague, ie in next few weeks if we can get a flight?

[Jemisa]

Simple - YOU DO NOT go and announce you've arrived, they (if they want to) willcome and find you. You just say you were busy (no other excuses) leave it at that, then do what mamy sugested. THE END.
(you'll luv yourself for it afterwards - trust me,)

jem

[nextqueen]

so you think Jemisa that i should email them, then leave it at that? ie let them come to us?

[cathfromsaron]

planning! i would have maybe 2 evenings or lunches together (arranged ahead of time) and feel free of guilt the rest of the time! enjoy YOUR holiday! xx

[tigwig]

I would just not contact them at all from now onwards. Don't send any more emails, if they send one to you be vague like you said and say your waiting to see about flights but are not sure and if you do go no offence but you are wanting to go off and do things on your own.
If they still come round and find you when you arrive then say sorry we can;t meet then as we've decided to do something else. If that fails then you will have to politely tell them you want to spend time alone together and be firm.
You have to stand up for yourself, honestly as an outsider reading this it sounds ridiculous! You can't be dreading a holiday can you? Just go, do what you like and have a good time!