I've got a cold......but it isn't just any cold, it is, without a single shadow of doubt, the worst cold in the history of mankind. No, really - nobody has ever had a cold as bad as the one I've got......
My Rugby Club Christmas party is tomorrow night and I will definitely be going, so between now and then, is there anything I can do to alleviate the symptoms of the worst cold ever?
Shot of whiskey or brandy (generous shot) topped up with hot lemsip and a spoonful of honey. Seems to work for me at any rate. Oh, and loads of water. You'll probably just have to dose up and see it through though.
Definitely 'pickle' it, lots of brandy or whiskey, vitamin c, paracetamol....keep drinking until you are absolootly blotto.....then drink lots of water before you go to sleep...make sure you are also as hot as you can stand in bed....that will help you sweat it out....
The person who discovers an instant cure for the common cold will be canonised by a grateful populace, provided he is not assassinated first by by a vengeful horde of pharmaceutical companies.