Without anybody stating the obvious.......

[Smowball]

Ok, helpful answers only please? I know for a fact that my OH has been lying to me about something (no, not a woman!) but I've found out myself by looking at something I shouldn't have. So how can I broach the subject without looking a hypocrite??

[factor-fiction]

Do you know for certain that he gave her the money or paid it in for her?

[Smowball]

The money is coming from an account in his name that I know nothing about which he has obviously opened without me knowing.

[andy-hughes]

I think if you have originally found this information by accident - which you have - you are entitled to question him about it. If he knows nothing, he should be finding out what's going on. Large amounts of money do not flow into accounts without a good reason - this needs to be sorted, for everyone concerned.

[daffy654]

I would want to know if money from our household income was being given to someone else without my permission.
Just tell him you opened the envelope by mistake as it was amongst a bunch of letters addressed to you and you didn't realise immediately.

[Smowball]

I suppose deep down I am expecting him to say that it is money he has earned, going into his own daugherts account and so its nothing to do with me. Which I guess I would struggle to argue with him about. But the same isnt done for my son, and he has already said he doesnt know what I'm talking about last month. Wish I hadnt seen the first blooming statement, now I know why they say ignorance is bliss

[ummmm]

I've opened next door neighbours mail before.....just seen council on the back of the envelope and opened it without even looking...It's only when the info didn't make sense did I look at who it was addressed to.

[daffy654]

It is the fact he has lied about it and has purposely hidden it from you that seems odd.

[factor-fiction]

Is he making the same payment every month? If so, supposing it's £100 a month, why not say "why don't we give each of our children £50 or £100 a month" and see what he says.

[ummmm]

I'd still go with honesty is the best policy. You've told him you'd seen last months statement. Now tell him you opened it to double check...and now you want an explanation.

[Sqad]

I am always confused with this modern term...OH. If you are not married, then in my opinion it is none of your business where his money is going. However, if you are husband and wife, then it is not his money, but the money of BOTH of you and indeed IS your business. Could it be that he is financing his daughter secretly, knowing that you would have never agreed to it?

any of the multitude of excuses will do....but as Andy says....sort it.

[Smowball]

EvianBaby is right, its going to end in a row no matter how I tackle the subject. There doesnt seem to be any pattern in when the money goes into the account. I could just say nothing but I dont think I can do that. And after the weekend I've had....... : (

[factor-fiction]

If it's addresssed to the daughter you could just give it to her and apologise for opening it in error. Unless the account also includes the father's name he has no right to see it either

[Smowball]

No, he opened the account for her - she is only 11.

[pink-kittens]

My daughter opened her own account (i'm not on it at all) at age 7 - all she needed was her birth cert as proof of who she was

I'm kinda of agreeing with sqad, you're not married, it's none of your business but it isn't really that simple, is it?

[daffy654]

Marriage has nothing to do with it. They share a house, budget and life, there shouldn't be any secrets about money and where it is going.
If I give my daughters any money I always tell my fiance and he tells me if his son needs any money.

Secrets about money are not good in any relationship.

[ummmm]

If they live together as a married couple and have joint finances...then it is her business.

Not everyone believes in marriage....

[Smowball]

Ok, up to a month or so ago we were really really struggling with money, to the point that we were almost overdrawn. So he went on and on at me to get a second job, which I did, but now it apparent that he had money all along and was putting it into this account, when we desperately needed it.

[nannybooby]

Snowball ,why is he paying large sums into his daughters account ?There is no easy way around this get the evidence together and ask him straight out.You share a home and raising your children ,why shouldnt you ask whats going on , hes been sneeky and underhand, not to mention hurtful to you.

[ummmm]

That alone justifies you opening the letter.

[nannybooby]

have to agree with ummmmmmmmmm