The process at the end of a relationship.

[Cockney_si]

Feeling very low at the moment. I was dumped yesterday, by my girlfriend.

Why do we hurt so bad after the break up of a relationship?

It feels like I'm literally grieving for her now and we were together 5 months.

She wants us to still be friends and go out now and again in the future, but I'm not sure that she knows that I'm rubbish at the whole friends with exes thing as I try to win them back and make a fool of myself.

I'm seeing her face to face later as a chance to chat, she says there's no going back though. I' gutted.

[jackthehat]

Why will you be chatting, then?

I sympathise with you but you are aware of your own failings/limitations and after 5 months it's not like you need to thrash out 'custody' details.

I'd be inclined to cancel the meeting and go and do something which you *will* enjoy.

Best of luck. :o)

[Old_Geezer]

You feel low because you mourn for what you thought would be, and what now will not be.

I think most folk need a clean break during the "getting over it" period. You are not the only person to hold on to hope while the ex is still so close. IMO you should keep away, and maybe be ignite a friendship one you are truly over the past.

It sounds as if this is not new to you so you know it will pass. And there is plenty of opportunity to find someone who has a mutual desire to make the relationship work. It just takes time.

[maggiebee]

Agree with JTH, why prolong the agony. Sounds as if this relationship is well and truly over and you need to put some space between you and your ex and just get on with your life. Maybe you can be friends in the future, who knows.

[Kiki-frog]

Awwww, Si, that's terrible. You poor man. Splitting up, especially when you're the one being dumped, is just like a bereavement, with someone special suddenly gone from your life.

Don't try to do the still being friends thing, you'll just end up feeling miserable. And in all honesty, she's probably just suggesting that to make her feel less guilty about it. In fact, is there any point in going to see her face to face? Just a thought.....

There are loads of lovely women out there. You'll find someone better, I know it.

[Cockney_si]

Will be chatting as I got dumped by text, which then made me phone up and wanted to have at least some kind of sensible explanation. "It's run it's course" is the answer and she's not good at relationships as she pushes people away. another.

[B00]

Agree with Jack. Fail to see the need to meet up "for a chat" what about? To rub more salt in the wound?

Don't do it!

[andy-hughes]

Being friends is a great idea - but it's often just that, an idea.

A friendship may occur in the future when you have both got past the romantic relationship you have ended, but there is no seamless transition, it simply doesn't work like that.

Your girlfriend is probably trying to be nice, and genuinely feels that she would like you as a friend, but that is because she no longer feels the same way about you.

If you do feel the same way, the friendship will never be on an equal basis, and there is more pain waiting at the end of it while you try to reconicle the new way your ex sees you.

Make a complete break. Don't see or speak to her if you can possibly help it. Maybe ina year or so, a frienship could be formed, but don't wait for it - move on, and heal.

[Cockney_si]

Just need a chat to make sure it is definitely over, prefer face to face instead of using phone or text. Also, I need to get some of my stuff back from hers too.

[Maydup]

Feel for you Cockney-si but like the others suggest, its best to move on straight away. If something else hard hurt you, you wouldn't go back to ask it why it had done it, you'd run like mad and keep well away from it wouldn't you?

Don't let her do it to you again: go out with a mate or buy yourself a takeaway and chat on here for a few hours, anything rather than meet up with her. You will feel rough for a while, but don't prolong it. Be brave but be kind to yourself.

[Cockney_si]

She cancelled the meet-up for tonight anyhow, gonna see her Friday to get my stuff back.

Hate being like this, I really do, had to explain it to my mother earlier, she must have thought the woman had died, I was so bad on the phone.

[snags]

Clean break. Time and space apart initially.

And if I was dumped by text I'd seriously be thinking about how little I obviously meant to the 'dumper' in the first place.

[chaptazbru]

It was only five months, you WILL get over it, honest. Best to make a clean break though, as you're just prolonging the agony.

[Kiki-frog]

Cockney-si, just a couple of thoughts.

Firstly, she dumped you by text (how cowardly is that??!!) and has now cancelled your meeting tonight. She may say she wants to remain friends, but she evidently is looking out for herself first. What kind of a friend is that? The bottom line is that you deserve much better.

Secondly, I know you have to go round to hers to retrieve some of your stuff, but you're kidding yourself if you think you can win her round somehow. When you go round there, would it be possible to take a friend with you, partly to give you moral support, and partly to stop you making an idiot of yourself? (And also it might be handy to have someone help you carry stuff!)

The reason I feel so strongly about this is that some time way back in the last century, before Mr Frog was on the scene, I dumped someone by letter (no texts in the good old days!), and I've felt bad about it ever since. I did that as an easy way out.

So listen up to an old lady who knows what she's talking about!