Far too soon??

[Smowball]

My friends partner died 6 weeks ago - he had terminal cancer. Have found out that she already had a new boyfriend. Now I know there is no set length of time to grieve but even so, don't you think thats incredibly quick?

[Kiki-frog]

No, I don't. To begin with, if the partner had a terminal illness, then she would have resigned herself to losing him a long time ago, so she would have started the grieving process already. Secondly, as you say, there is no set time - some people need years of being on their own before moving on, but others are ready to move on in a matter or months or even weeks; we're all very different. Thirdly, the word 'boyfriend' can mean different things to different people - he may be the new love of her life, or he may just be a friendly shoulder to cry on.

Poor lady, she's been through a dreadful time - she needs good friends around her at the moment, so just try to give her all the support you can and don't worry about the new boyfriend. xx

[jno]

grieving doesn't necessarily block the formation of new relationships. As to whether it will last, only time will tell - but you'd say that of any relationship.

I suppsoe what you're really feeling is that it's in some way disrespectful to the dead? Maybe. Or maybe he'd think her own happiness was important and wish her well.

[Smowball]

Ive told her I'm pleased for her, just was a bit surprised thats all.

[jno]

it is unusually quick, in the sense that most people take longer than that (and some never). But it's not shockingly so. Good answer from Kiki

[tonyav]

Smow, how long has she know'n the new boyfriend ?.

[Smowball]

She only met him 2 weeks ago.

[tonyav]

Mmmmmm, very fast.

[albaqwerty]

She may have gone through some of the bereavement emotions between diagnoses, prognosis and its inevitable conclusion to let her get to the stage where she can begin to date.

[magsmay]

My sisters partner of 7 years died suddenly (in bed) age 40. I was surprised when i heard she was 'seeing' someone after a couple of months and found it very disrespectful to his memory . It didn't last, this relationship, but within a year she was living with someone else. Everyone is different and we are not here to judge or expect people to react how we would. Just give genuine support and maybe try and include her in 'girlie' outings so she doesn't feel she has to rely on male company for socialising.

[friedgreentomato]

You are not in her position thankfully, my dad had his first date about 6 weeks after my mother died, my sister objected greatly and no longer talks to my father my father married that lady within the year and have been very very happy.

Leave her be and just offer her support

[beso]

People who have lived in wonderful relationships often move on quickly. It reflect the depth of their character.

[happyone2]

My partner is older than me, he has an older wife who he respects but no longer loves, he wants to be with me and i want to be with him but his wife is ill with not too much time left.................together we have agreed that he should be honourable and be with her until she .........well dies ................. so when she does die and we get together will people judge us badly .............or see that we actually put her needs first, knowing that we would be together eventually ..................i always think nothing is as it seems so none of us should judge another

[tenrec]

Well said Happyone2.

[boxtops]

Everyone's different - she may be using the new man (unwittingly) to help deal with the grief. A friend of mine lost her husband of many years and immediately made up for lost time - a crazy time. It was all part of her grieving process. We could only look on and be there if she needed us.

[woofgang]

yup....judge not less that ye be judged.

[woofgang]

Beso can I ask on what you base your statement?

[Prudie]

I'd say everyone is different and we should not judge. However I would feel this is a bit too soon if it was someone I was emotionally linked with so a bit hypocritical I guess.