Protecting Personal Space

[bpjcf]

The changing room at work is quite small, & the person whose locker faces mine has often started using his locker before I have finished changing. There is really not enough space for 2, & he has often put his stuff on top of mine, & ended up touching me. All this makes me feel very uncomfortable, being pressured to hurry up in a confined space. Also, on 2 occasions in the kitchen, he has bumped into the back of me when I was geting stuff out of the fridge. The other day, he accused me of being passive agressive when I moved out of the way following another brush & made a verbal protest. When he asked if there was a problem, I mentioned the personal space issue. he responded that if anything I was invading his, how much space did I need, taking up so much of the bench. How dare I "make noises". His "diagnosis" followed my pointing out that i was clearly finishing up, just needing a minute or 2, but moved so as to avoid it escalating. I have mentioned this to my manager, who will keep an eye on it. Any similar experiences or advice?

[MadMen]

Quizmonkey, I get where you're coming from, but I think unless you've ever had issues like the OP is describing, then it's hard to understand and sympathise.
No one should be made to feel uncomfortable, and we all have different things that make us feel that way. Just because you have no issues with someone invading your personal space, doesn't mean every else has to be OK with it also.

Mags, urghh! That is horrible. I don't get why some people feel the need to keep touching. What is that all about?!

[Quizmonkey]

Madmen - I do get that. I was pointing out that if the poster has an issue with such behaviour, then he needs to sort it out with counselling or whatever, ie. the fault isn't with the other person. And accusing someone of 'frottage' really doesn't help his situation.

[bpjcf]

Quizmonkey, I did not accuse anyone of frottage, i simply used the word to get the responder to think, please do not put it into a different context. Also, "the impression", is more about what you take than what the account gives, your subjective evaluation.

[Svejk]

I think if you come on here looking for tea & sympathy, you should accept critcism.

[Sharingan]

The 'frottage' remark was so random and off the wall that it's only caused me to draw an even bigger conclusion that it's you that has the issue not the person you are posting about.

[woofgang]

not necessarily Quiz monkey. If we have to share an area and something you are doing is giving me a problem, I have the right to ask you not to do it, especially where personal space is involved.

[McMouse]

I had to look up 'frottage'. What a terrific word.......will try to work it into conversation later today. Alternatively, may give it a go in Waitrose.

[Sharingan]

As my Mum said 'Frottage is okay, it's frottage cheese you need to watch out for'- you could try asking for that in Waitrose :) xx

[bpjcf]

I would just like to say thank you to all those who have been supportive & understanding, especially in the face of the trolls, who have ranged from the inane one liners to the irrationally hostile. Their behaviour has been reported, & I hope that any repetitions will also be flagged up.
It always helps to know that you are not alone, & to be validated, thakk you all again for having made that difference.

[Baldric]

You've always got this to fall back on!

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Law/Question937540.html

[magsmay]

bpjfc -well you got me reported and I was sticking up for you!

[bpjcf]

Magsmay, im sorry, i dont know how that happened. i had no intention of reporting you, i appreciate that you were sticking up for me. It certainly wasnt me who reported you, I in fact was thinking of you in the last response i made. i feel really awful that this has happened, whatever that might have been.
I apologise unreservedly, I feel really awful

[bpjcf]

To all of you who supported me,
Poor magsmay has somehow been reported, completeley undeservedly, this is the last thing i would have wanted, it is like twisting a knife. The horible thought occurs to me that some more of you may have been similarly reported, if this has happened, please accept my apologies, I had no intention of doing so & am at a loss to understand how it happened. I did write to the moderators, mentioning the thread, but added tha ti was thankful for those of you who supported me. I did mention one troll name, no prizes for guessing which one. I will write to them again & try to clear up the mess. This is not the best way to start a day.

[Svejk]

If you come on here asking for advice, you might not like some of the advice your given.
To call such advice givers trolls & report them reinforces my view that you're the one with the problem.
Don't like people brushing up against you? Get over yourself.

[bpjcf]

I have got back to the moderators as promised, & made it very clear which of you supported me & which did not. They seem to have taken notice judging by the deletions they made.
I commented on my dismay that one of them had an award for "debate' given that day. I told them that there ought to be an award for those who stand up to unacceppable behaviour, & that you, Magsmay would be an appropriate 1st recipient. Also, I gave you the 'best answer" (was thiking of it anyway) to try to reverse the sense of betrayal you must have felt, I hope you can find it in your heart accept my outstretched hand.

[Sharingan]

I'm sorry bpjcf but this site is not about who agrees with you the most, it's a question and answer site and as such you will encounter as I have and everyone else has people who don't agree with you, and don't think you are behaving properly. If you can't stand the idea of contrary arguments to your way of thinking it might be best to say so in your opening opus, then those of us who are trying to help you but you won't like our advice won't bother wasting our time.

[bpjcf]

Arguments are one thing, abuse is another

[Sharingan]

No-one abused you bpjcf, if anything you have been extremely rude to me, to Quizmonkey and to poor Charlie who you appear to have managed to get deleted altogether, I'm sorry but no-one abused you. I myself refrained from reporting answers because I felt they were abusing me as they were helpful to you. I hope you get your problem sorted out but this will be the last thread of yours I will post on as it's unacceptable to be called a troll etc when you are simply offering someone the possibility that they are over reacting on a grand scale, which I am still of the opinion you are.

[bpjcf]

Of the several deletions, I reported only 3. it seems that those monitoring the site take a different view to the one you outline. If you seriously want to help, you will defeat your purpose if you couch your advice in such hostile language. Your advice then comes across as no more than a vehicle for some prejudice or other. True objectivity is free of anger & value judgements

[MadMen]

Hows the situation now, bpjcf? Any better?