Protecting Personal Space

[bpjcf]

The changing room at work is quite small, & the person whose locker faces mine has often started using his locker before I have finished changing. There is really not enough space for 2, & he has often put his stuff on top of mine, & ended up touching me. All this makes me feel very uncomfortable, being pressured to hurry up in a confined space. Also, on 2 occasions in the kitchen, he has bumped into the back of me when I was geting stuff out of the fridge. The other day, he accused me of being passive agressive when I moved out of the way following another brush & made a verbal protest. When he asked if there was a problem, I mentioned the personal space issue. he responded that if anything I was invading his, how much space did I need, taking up so much of the bench. How dare I "make noises". His "diagnosis" followed my pointing out that i was clearly finishing up, just needing a minute or 2, but moved so as to avoid it escalating. I have mentioned this to my manager, who will keep an eye on it. Any similar experiences or advice?

[Old_Geezer]

I guess you can mention the inadequacy of the space to management; unsure if it will have an affect but at least you will have aired the concern. Maybe they can move the changing area to a larger place. Failing that I'm unsure what you do, but could you change at home instead ? As a third option you could look in the sit vac column to find an employer who doesn't fail to spot what their staff needs.

[woofgang]

I would be putting the "mention" to my manager in writing so that there can be no denying that you have mentioned it. I see that you are both male....do you think there is any sexual aspect to his behaviour or is it just male silliness on his part?

[Sharingan]

Stop being so touchy both of you, get over it and chill out- that's always an option?

[Quizmonkey]

You say "ended up touching me" and "bumped into the back of me" as if these are the worst things in the world. Do you have problems with physical contact? It really does sound like the issues are yours. If that's the situation, you're stuck with it - just muck in, change, get out. What's the problem?

[Sqad]

\\\ Any similar experiences or advice? \\\

No.

[bpjcf]

Sharingan, will you be taking your own advice the next time you are the victim of frottage?
Quizmonkey, "as if these are the worst things in the world"? how do you manage to read that into it ? Also, "problems" with physical touch A) when it clearly restricts ones ability to move & B) when it is unexpected/unwanted, are so widespread that in certain cases there are legal sanctions against it.

[woofgang]

To be fair, I don't like to be touched by strangers either, hate crowded busses and tube trains...how crowded is the kitchen? could he have avoided bumping into you at the fridge?
Its sounds as though a "close quarters" environment may not be the best place for you to work....It wouldn't be for me either.

[magsmay]

hi bpcjf.
Disregard silly childish comments on 'chillling out' as this is obviously something serious enough for you to post so at least we should try and treat it as such. Personal space is a difficult one - some people are naturally 'touchy feely' and are genuinely surprised when another takes offence. -To be honest this situation sounds more like bullying that personal space issues -this other guy is showing signs of passive aggressive behaviour -not you!! Stand your ground -do not whinge, roll your eyes or 'tut' at him -look him straight in the eye and say -''you bumping into me like this and invading my space is unacceptable behaviour and if you continue I will have no alternative but to report you to management'' Disregard any derisive comments he makes to you - do not let him see you showing any emotions -you are a professional getting on with your job and make sure he knows that - good luck OP and hope things improve for you .

[Svejk]

Don't go to work on a building site. :)

[MadMen]

bpjcf, I also hate anyone being touchy feely. In fact, reading that made me shudder. I don't even hug my own family, so would HATE the thought of some random bumping into me or brushing up against me, and in a confined space too? Aghhhh!!
Tell your manager you need more space. It sounds like this person is a bit of an *** and will now probably do it on purpose. Next time it happens, tell him to back up and get out of your personal space.

[Quizmonkey]

I 'manage to read that into it' because that is the impression your post gives. Yes, the description of what 'happened' does make me think 'so what?'. And if you haven't elevated it to such a serious status, why do you now refer to it as 'frottage' which it clearly isn't?! I maintain the problems are yours, and some professional help would be advisable if something so trivial is having that much of an effect on your life.

[magsmay]

Totally agree MadMen - I had a female colleague who used to stand really close while talking to me and touch my arm -I found this really disconcerting -hopefully the OP will be proactive and put a stop to it.

[magsmay]

Quizmonkey -what is trivial to one person can be disconcerting to another - the OP may be over-sensitive but is asking for advice, not criticism.