I'm Pregnant, Do I Tell My Boyfriend About The Abortion?

[hil12399]

After feeling ill for a week or so, i found out the shock today that I'm pregnant. I still haven't told anyone. I feel i can't tell my mum because she joked about it when i was sick for the first time, i feel she would just view it as irresponsible. I've already booked an appointment for the termination as having a baby is just not an option for my or my boyfriend at the moment. He's in the middle of his second year exams at University, so he's lives two hours away during term time and he's in the middle of his Exams. He's been through an abortion before with a previous girlfriend and he's told me how effected he was by it. We've been together for nearly 2 years now, i love him with all my heart and would love to have children with him, but now is just not the right time. I'm just not sure who to tell.. i can't decide which would be worse for him, going through it all again and potentially failing his exams or one day finding out i did it without him. I just don't know if i would be able to live with not telling him, i don't want it to affect things in the future. Any advice?

[pixie373]

I would definitely advise you tell him. It would be tough for you to do it alone and keep it a secret forever. Best to be honest from the start, whatever happens.

[Sqad]

If I was the boyfriend in the middle of my exams (future career) I would not want to know.

What would be the advantage of telling him?.........none.

He would only find out if you told him.......how would it affect the future?

Don't tell him or anyone else.

[Prudie]

Well I wouldn't tell him before exams either. I've always considered terminations as the woman’s decision and wouldn’t want to be influenced by others. If you really plan to stay with him long term then I might tell after the event. I don’t mean this judgementally but if he was so affected by the previous one then maybe he needs to know how easy it is for history to repeat itself.

[jack daniels]

difficult for both I think. Hil, It might be very hard for you to keep it to yourself for the rest of your life without telling anyone, in the long term it could affect you in the smallest, unexpected of ways and could jeopardize your relationship in the future anyway because of guilt, feeling selfish and other emotional ways. Can you wait until after his exams so you can both decide what to do?
you don't say what you do - are you working or studying?? would you get any family support if you had the baby - why is it the wrong time for you?
you feel you can't tell your mum, she may be shocked at first but will help you, whatever decision you make - i'm sure.
Sorry to sound so deep but you may want to talk to a GP or therapist

[anneasquith]

'' having a baby is just not an option '' that's sad. sorry.

[elliemay1]

I think you should definitely tell him. A new life is much more important than exams. Exams can be re-taken so think carefully. At least give him the choice. It has to be a joint decision.

[starone]

I would not tell a soul. I do not like it and think it is extremely irresponsible of both of you. There are plenty of ways to prevent it without going through all of this. I would keep it strictly to myself, not forgetting that if you tell one other person it is no longer a secret. I agree with sqad with one addition - get rid of the boyfriend - for him to have caused two abortions (or at least shared in it) does not bode well for your future relationship.

[elliemay1]

I can't understand why people are telling you to keep it quiet. It's your boyfriend's child so surely he has a right to know regardless of what decision is taken.

[Baldric]

///learn by your past mistakes/// . . . . . what past mistakes has hil made Jordy, she said "He's been through an abortion before with a PREVIOUS girlfriend" not her.

[grasscarp]

I think you should tell your boyfriend. He must have known you were likely to conceive. Both of you were involved in the act and so both should be involved in the outcome. Abortion is not a method of birth control. Don't take a decision based on your own feelings alone. Your boyfriend is part of this and maybe your mother. None of us know you. Don't do something without considering those who caused it and those who will have to pick up the pieces.

[elliemay1]

Well said, grasscarp.

[anneasquith]

no disrespect but, the boyfriend appears to be the priority in his situation,

[Butterbun]

If you're not too far gone, could you wait until the exams are over? Tell him then and decide what you want to do.

[DaisyNonna]

No. He did not go through the abortion, his previous girlfriend did. He obviously was not all that affected by it or he would have been careful to make sure that it did not happen again.
Your choice. What is best for you?

[kvalidir]

Firstly I'm female, so please don't think this is some feckless male blaming you for everything, but seriously we are all in charge of our own bodies. I know he's been irresponsible and not for the first time, but you must have known that there was a risk you would become pregnant, yet did nothing to stop that happening. If we choose men who aren't bright / caring/ responsible enough to use relevant contraception and we accept that fault in them, then it is doubly our responsibility to make sure this does not happen. Personally I think its really lax of you both, and if you are dead set on an abortion for yourself, then go ahead and don't tell him- ever. If on the other hand you are erring that way because you think he'll hit the roof or leave you or whatever else it is you are afraid of then tell him, you might be surprised by his reaction or he might indeed leave- if he does then you are well shot of him, if not then at least you have a relationship built on honesty. Good luck whatever you decide.

[boxtops]

You need to tell your mum, it's not something you should go through on your own.

I'm undecided whether you should tell your BF though, until after the exams.... but if he's made someone pregnant before, he seems to be making a habit of it. I don't understand why (if he found his last abortion so difficult) he's risked it again... but too late now.

It depends if you want him to know, these exams aren't his finals, and he ought to bear some responsibility and support you through this.

How old are you, what's your situation?

[askyourgran]

The choice is yours but the father has the right to know too and it's my guess he won't relish the idea of becoming a father yet. Obviously he hasn't learned his lesson from his previous g/f and is again in the doodah, Potentially failing his exams shouldn't cross your mind, you are the one who has to suffer because of his irresponsibility, I assume someone has to pay for the abortion.

[san070160]

I'm sure you already know this, but a baby is a baby from day one. A child's life must always come before the needs of its' parents. Exams can be taken at any time as many times as you like! But a child is only conceived once. It's not rocket science.