News1 min ago
Heartbroken…….but I Can’T Stay Friends With Someone So Prejudiced
133 Answers
I have a best friend called Kelly – we met at school and have been close for about 6 years. We have been through so much together and have stayed close despite the ups and downs. Kelly is caring, funny and fantastic company. I thought we would remain close until the day we died – well I did until last Saturday. Now I am questioning if I even want to ever see or speak to that little monster again.
I always thought Kelly was a woke young woman who would fight against prejudice. She was the first one to condemn any racism or unfairness of any kind. But on Saturday night after a few drinks she let it slip that she would not date a man who had a vagina.
I froze and asked her to repeat herself. Kelly knows perfectly well that the fight against genital preference is something I take seriously – I thought we both did. This attitude is transphobic and not accepting of the transgender community. Genital preference is rooted in discrimination and excludes trans men who may not for whatever reason want to go through surgery or who have not yet transitioned. THESE PEOPLE DESERVE TO IDENTIFY AS WHO THEY REALLY ARE NOT WHO YOU WANT THEM TO BE!!
I asked Kelly speaking very slowly if you met a man who was absolutely perfect in every way and loved you completely would you leave him because of genital preference. She said “yes” and I just walked away from her. Why should a transgender man have to disclose the genitals they have at the start of a relationship – no one else has to talk about their genitals on the first date. This is discrimination.
Now I am just totally reconsidering if I want any relationship with Kelly and it kills me to type that I mean she was my rock. Maybe the whole woke thing was just to be trendy and not because she really cares. She called me this morning and doubled down on not being attracted to vaginas – she said “ether you accept it or you don’t”. I calmly said to her “Kelly you don’t love men you love cis men and you love the very privilege that puts you on a pedestal. Now go away you nasty little monster”.
This situation is really devastating to me because remember this is my best friend. I would never want to be friends with a racist, a homophobe or a sexist. I mean I would speak with them because I feel dialogue is always needed to turn misguided people around but I wouldn’t want to be best friends with them or anything until they had renounced their views. In fact I do speak with a few racists and sexists I’m not scared to swap ideas with anyone.
Sorry for ranting, not really a question at all just needed to get this off my chest.
Broken
I always thought Kelly was a woke young woman who would fight against prejudice. She was the first one to condemn any racism or unfairness of any kind. But on Saturday night after a few drinks she let it slip that she would not date a man who had a vagina.
I froze and asked her to repeat herself. Kelly knows perfectly well that the fight against genital preference is something I take seriously – I thought we both did. This attitude is transphobic and not accepting of the transgender community. Genital preference is rooted in discrimination and excludes trans men who may not for whatever reason want to go through surgery or who have not yet transitioned. THESE PEOPLE DESERVE TO IDENTIFY AS WHO THEY REALLY ARE NOT WHO YOU WANT THEM TO BE!!
I asked Kelly speaking very slowly if you met a man who was absolutely perfect in every way and loved you completely would you leave him because of genital preference. She said “yes” and I just walked away from her. Why should a transgender man have to disclose the genitals they have at the start of a relationship – no one else has to talk about their genitals on the first date. This is discrimination.
Now I am just totally reconsidering if I want any relationship with Kelly and it kills me to type that I mean she was my rock. Maybe the whole woke thing was just to be trendy and not because she really cares. She called me this morning and doubled down on not being attracted to vaginas – she said “ether you accept it or you don’t”. I calmly said to her “Kelly you don’t love men you love cis men and you love the very privilege that puts you on a pedestal. Now go away you nasty little monster”.
This situation is really devastating to me because remember this is my best friend. I would never want to be friends with a racist, a homophobe or a sexist. I mean I would speak with them because I feel dialogue is always needed to turn misguided people around but I wouldn’t want to be best friends with them or anything until they had renounced their views. In fact I do speak with a few racists and sexists I’m not scared to swap ideas with anyone.
Sorry for ranting, not really a question at all just needed to get this off my chest.
Broken
Answers
Best Answer
No best answer has yet been selected by GymLadTim. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.
//I'm with NJ at 22:53, but I would not have been so polite !//
NJ at 22:53 has been removed (only the second of my 16,000 plus answers to suffer that fate). So I'll try being a little more delicate:
//But on Saturday night after a few drinks she let it slip that she would not date a man who had a vagina.//
She wouldn't be able to even if she wished. Men don't have vaginas. A person "identifying as a man" might have, but men don't. You are making unnecessary complications for yourself. Different people like different things and we're not all the same. Your friend Kelly just has a different take on some things to you. If the "fight against genital preference" is dominating your life I suggest you are in for a bumpy ride and it will do you no good.
NJ at 22:53 has been removed (only the second of my 16,000 plus answers to suffer that fate). So I'll try being a little more delicate:
//But on Saturday night after a few drinks she let it slip that she would not date a man who had a vagina.//
She wouldn't be able to even if she wished. Men don't have vaginas. A person "identifying as a man" might have, but men don't. You are making unnecessary complications for yourself. Different people like different things and we're not all the same. Your friend Kelly just has a different take on some things to you. If the "fight against genital preference" is dominating your life I suggest you are in for a bumpy ride and it will do you no good.
I decided to read this thread as I thought I might learn something but it has left me more confused than ever. I would like to explain something to Tim though if I may. I come in the category of the over 50's, and when I was the age you probably are now, there were men and women, boys and girls and gay meant you were a jolly person who likes to enjoy life. Can you imagine how difficult it is for people now, to understand that there are 300 genders and 600 sexualities?
I'll tell you something though, I did not grow up in an unpleasant era. I grew up in an era that was much less complicated and certainly would not refer to someone as a 'nasty little monster' Just lately I've been scared to open my mouth on occasions in case I say the wrong thing because it's not PC. When you meet someone who you get on with well, but then find they don't share your views, then move on and find somebody who does. Your heart is broken but it will mend in time and hopefully, you will find someone you are meant to be with. Don't try to change someone though, it doesn't work.
I'll tell you something though, I did not grow up in an unpleasant era. I grew up in an era that was much less complicated and certainly would not refer to someone as a 'nasty little monster' Just lately I've been scared to open my mouth on occasions in case I say the wrong thing because it's not PC. When you meet someone who you get on with well, but then find they don't share your views, then move on and find somebody who does. Your heart is broken but it will mend in time and hopefully, you will find someone you are meant to be with. Don't try to change someone though, it doesn't work.
Nothing has changed, barsel, in your lifetime or any time before it xx people who don't like facts, pretend they aren't real. That probably has always happened, but there are just far more platforms to shout from now.
Anyone who knows what sexual reproduction is, also knows what ' a sex' is. You aren't confused xx
Anyone who knows what sexual reproduction is, also knows what ' a sex' is. You aren't confused xx
I am confused though Pixie. New Judge said ++Men don't have vaginas. A person "identifying as a man" might have, but men don't.++
I saw a prog on the tele where someone who was born a boy had surgery and now has a vagina. Their hair was long they had boobs so what does that make this person? Which of the 300 genders is this?
I saw a prog on the tele where someone who was born a boy had surgery and now has a vagina. Their hair was long they had boobs so what does that make this person? Which of the 300 genders is this?
There is no limit to "genders," barsel. It is literally just a part of your personality. There us a spectrum that goes from masculine- feminine and anyone, of either sex can be anywhere on it.,
It includes your sex partly, but is mostly psychological. Upbringing, preferences, beliefs, basically whichever stereotypes you follow most. That changes depending on what society says is 'masculine' or 'feminine '.
Sexes are biological- just male or female. And we all already know what they are. There is no spectrum from one to the other. More like two separate circles with male in one and female in the other. With intersex male or female at a right-angle to each. You can't move between them.
Everybody male identifies as male- they have literally no other option.
Don't let wishful thinking fool you into thinking you are unsure of what you already know. Nothing has changed, except people unsure about English. Xx
It includes your sex partly, but is mostly psychological. Upbringing, preferences, beliefs, basically whichever stereotypes you follow most. That changes depending on what society says is 'masculine' or 'feminine '.
Sexes are biological- just male or female. And we all already know what they are. There is no spectrum from one to the other. More like two separate circles with male in one and female in the other. With intersex male or female at a right-angle to each. You can't move between them.
Everybody male identifies as male- they have literally no other option.
Don't let wishful thinking fool you into thinking you are unsure of what you already know. Nothing has changed, except people unsure about English. Xx
Thanks for trying your best to explain it to me Pixie, but there seems to be things happening on a daily basis that I am unsure what to say in case I offend. I was recently asked for some details on the phone and was asked my gender, and I truly didn't know what to say except female. I'm pretty sure it's people like me, the older generation, who have difficulty understanding. Why does life have to be so complicated? xx
It isn't complicated actually... people (including AB profiles actually) have started to ask for "gender" when they mean "sex". (It just sounds nicer). Just assume they want biological sex, as, in any case, if you choose to wear men's clothes at the weekend... it is nobody else's business anyway.
The only valid question will always be about biological sex, as that is the only thing that makes a difference xx
The only valid question will always be about biological sex, as that is the only thing that makes a difference xx
//Just lately I've been scared to open my mouth on occasions in case I say the wrong thing because it's not PC.//
You shouldn't be, barsel. You may have a different view on things to some other people (as I most certainly have) but you should not be reluctant to air them if you want to.
The suggestion that there are 300 genders is one of the things I have somewhat different views on. Of course people behave differently; there are all sorts of different behaviours and lifestyles, those differences do not make a person a different "gender".
The OP in this case is suffering a grave misunderstanding. He or she has a view on life and wants to impose that on her friend. If not, the friendship will end. Well if I was the friend I would say "so be it".
You shouldn't be, barsel. You may have a different view on things to some other people (as I most certainly have) but you should not be reluctant to air them if you want to.
The suggestion that there are 300 genders is one of the things I have somewhat different views on. Of course people behave differently; there are all sorts of different behaviours and lifestyles, those differences do not make a person a different "gender".
The OP in this case is suffering a grave misunderstanding. He or she has a view on life and wants to impose that on her friend. If not, the friendship will end. Well if I was the friend I would say "so be it".
I've typed half a dozen different responses to this thread and deleted them all. Apart from this one, obviously. Though I think it has to be a complete wind up as I don't believe anyone can be as naive as the original poster.
Anyway I'm with Kelly, I'd never, ever date a man that has/had a vagina. So you can cross me off your Christmas card list.
Anyway I'm with Kelly, I'd never, ever date a man that has/had a vagina. So you can cross me off your Christmas card list.
Related Questions
Sorry, we can't find any related questions. Try using the search bar at the top of the page to search for some keywords, or choose a topic and submit your own question.