Heartbroken…….but I Can’T Stay Friends With Someone So Prejudiced

[GymLadTim]

I have a best friend called Kelly – we met at school and have been close for about 6 years. We have been through so much together and have stayed close despite the ups and downs. Kelly is caring, funny and fantastic company. I thought we would remain close until the day we died – well I did until last Saturday. Now I am questioning if I even want to ever see or speak to that little monster again.

I always thought Kelly was a woke young woman who would fight against prejudice. She was the first one to condemn any racism or unfairness of any kind. But on Saturday night after a few drinks she let it slip that she would not date a man who had a vagina.

I froze and asked her to repeat herself. Kelly knows perfectly well that the fight against genital preference is something I take seriously – I thought we both did. This attitude is transphobic and not accepting of the transgender community. Genital preference is rooted in discrimination and excludes trans men who may not for whatever reason want to go through surgery or who have not yet transitioned. THESE PEOPLE DESERVE TO IDENTIFY AS WHO THEY REALLY ARE NOT WHO YOU WANT THEM TO BE!!

I asked Kelly speaking very slowly if you met a man who was absolutely perfect in every way and loved you completely would you leave him because of genital preference. She said “yes” and I just walked away from her. Why should a transgender man have to disclose the genitals they have at the start of a relationship – no one else has to talk about their genitals on the first date. This is discrimination.

Now I am just totally reconsidering if I want any relationship with Kelly and it kills me to type that I mean she was my rock. Maybe the whole woke thing was just to be trendy and not because she really cares. She called me this morning and doubled down on not being attracted to vaginas – she said “ether you accept it or you don’t”. I calmly said to her “Kelly you don’t love men you love cis men and you love the very privilege that puts you on a pedestal. Now go away you nasty little monster”.

This situation is really devastating to me because remember this is my best friend. I would never want to be friends with a racist, a homophobe or a sexist. I mean I would speak with them because I feel dialogue is always needed to turn misguided people around but I wouldn’t want to be best friends with them or anything until they had renounced their views. In fact I do speak with a few racists and sexists I’m not scared to swap ideas with anyone.

Sorry for ranting, not really a question at all just needed to get this off my chest.

Broken

[NellieMay]

And I will never know what unacceptable answer our most learned member gave and others agreed with.......

[Old_Geezer]

Kelly is not the one being "toxic" in this story. She is simply saying that a lesbian relationship doesn't turn her on. What the other individual feels like inside is not the relevant issue for such a decision. It's those who find they can't or won't accept that who have an issue.

[AuntPollyGrey]

GymLadTim. Someone is capable of accepting something or someone, but have a preference not to date them. Just because Kelly does not want to date a 'man' with a vagina does not mean she is phobic in any way. Just like I don't like short bald men and would not date one, but that doesn't mean I would be phobic to one and not want one as a friend. Its sexual preference, not homophobia.

[SparklyKid]

In 2019 we know that gender and sexually are fluid, we know sex and gender are different things, we know there over 300 genders and 600 sexualities. Kelly is 21 so there really is no excuse for her ignorance.

22:22 Mon 30th Sep 2019


Wow, just imagine how many different public toilet signs would be needed.

[andy-hughes]

// … we know there over 300 genders and 600 sexualities. Kelly is 21 so there really is no excuse for her ignorance. //

I am sixty-four, so there is even less 'excuse' for my 'ignorance.

Who has defined these '300 genders' and '600' sexualities - why such round numbers, why such large numbers?

This is a whole new world for me!!!

[SparklyKid]

I am clearly ignorant. I always believed there were just two sexes.

Male/Female . Nope, can't think of any more.

Gender is he/she. Nothing more.

Check your answerbank profile if confused.

[GymLadTim]

Thanks for your answers everyone. I know not everyone agrees with my point of view but I appreciate you all taking the time to answer and I will reflect upon all of the feedback.

Honestly this situation and losing Kelly has really hurt me. I don't think I will be back on answerbank for some time I need some time to process what has happened and to rebalance my energy.

Thanks again

Tim

[spathiphyllum]

Take all the time you need Tim we totally understand.

[SparklyKid]

Must be difficult for a man with a vagina, eg, not knowing which way to turn.

[cashier]

Try and learn some tolerance whilst you are having time off. You didn't lose Kelly, you got rid of her because she expressed her opinion on something you disagree with. She is entitled to an opinion and shouldn't have to adopt yours.

[retrocop]

//Take all the time you need Tim we totally understand. //
Well I can't say I did. All foreign to me.

[Mamyalynne]

You do need to take stock Tim, not only of others but yourself first and foremost, too zealous and you'll push good friends away,

Good luck.

[HansUrbancka]

Having said you are bisexual, it appears that you have created a situation whereby Kelly doesn't know which way to turn.

Perhaps the problem is that Kelly is a real woman but you are Not a real man.

Hans.

[spathiphyllum]

Hans i wouldn't say being bisexual makes you not a 'real man'.

However, i would say having a vagina makes you not a 'real man'.

[Mozz71]

Sorry Hans, but that's a dickish thing to say.

[Old_Geezer]

Oh I don't know. When single I was having one most Saturday nights.

[spathiphyllum]

Mozz i don't think Hans meant it as it read. I think Hans has made a blunder

[Barmaid]

Thank you for that Old Geezer. I narrowly missed giving my screen a coffee wash. I think you win the internet today tho.

[Mozz71]

I hope not Spath. Maybe the meaning was lost in translation somewhat.

[Mozz71]

Well played OG, well played.