Wedding Etiquette

[Champagne]

Is it just me who finds it offensive to receive wedding gift lists when you get a wedding invite? Shouldn't giving a present be at your own discretion?

[redcrx]

Yes it is at your own descretion, the bride and groom are just asking that if anyone is to buy presents that they buy ones that they have chosen. Id much rather buy a present that they would like rather than buy the fifth candle holder of the wedding.

Also you are not obligated to buy from the wedding list either you can buy something of your own choice or nothing at all.

[Karen2005]

Test. I don't seem to be able to post a reply at the moment...

[yinyang]

Idon't mind it so much at weddings - for the same reasons that redcrx gave. However I knew someone that gave out a gift list with invites to their 21st birthday party , which I thought was a bit cheeky.

[kazza12345]

i would tend to agree with you it feels like "cometo my wedding, but bring a present"

When i got married i neatly avoided this by having a wedding list a john lewis but not sending it out to people. If anybody asked me i told them about the list, and if they didn't ask i didn't tell them. If anyone asked mymum, she just told them john lewis vouchers. To be honest though, most people asked!

[Champagne]

In this instance I have a wedding invite (evening reception only) where the gift list specifies cash. As I�d like to go to the reception I feel obliged to take a gift. So how much is the correct amount to give? Bearing in mind that this is an old school friend whom I have seen twice in the past 15 years!! We both have a mutual friend which is the only reason we�ve seen each other twice.

I have been in this situation before where I wonder why I was actually invited at all!!

[Karen2005]

This is a tricky one. I think many couples (and my husband and I did this when we married a few years ago) is to put a little note in the invitation saying something like �a gift list is available upon request�. This is less presumptuous than simply putting the entire gift list in. Please be assured though that many brides-to-be agonise over wedding etiquette (just look at the message boards on Confetti or Hitched if you want proof!). (to be continued�)

[Eeeek]

I totally agree with Champagne. If I am going to buy a gift then I am capable of asking for myself if they have a wedding list.

My husband and I were recently invited to an evening reception and the gift list was even included with that. I found that very offensive and a bit cheeky to be honest.

[redcrx]

Ok so if you never really see much of the bride and have only been invited to the evening reception then id suggest perhaps �10 or even �5 in a card. If the bride has invited lots of people that she rarely sees and yet is expecting cash from each of them she is going to end up with a lot of �5s or �10s. �5 may sound like Im being tight but youre not buying a ticket to the reception, you have been invited to attend.

[Champagne]

Thanks redcrx. That does help.

[Karen2005]

The second part of my answer is quite irrelevant now and I don't seem to be able to post long-ish answers anyway. However, I do agree that if you're just going to the evening reception, it is cheeky to include a gift list with that.

[yinyang]

Have they actually asked for cash, Champagne? That's even worse than asking for specific items.I think if I was in your situation I would just bin the list and buy them a small gift. It would be so hard to judge what the correct amount of money would be to give.

If you don't mind me asking - why do you want to go if you hardly know them and are not sure why you were invited?

[Pippa68]

Same here ~ I typed out a long reply and got nowhere!

Evening invitations are horrible ~ I have declined many because of a gift list..the cheeky beggars.

[Pippa68]

We asked for cash gifts for our wedding last year & the guests were happy to oblige as we didn't have a list! a letter was sent explaining that we didn't want or need anything and that if they wanted to gift, a small cash gift to go towards our honeymoon would be appreciated.

I see nothing wrong in that at all ~ and neither did our guests.

[kazza12345]

in your situation i would hope that there are loads of people there, not give them anything at all and hope it wont be noticed amongst all the other presents. Asking for cash is crass, asking for a gift when they've not even invited you to the reception is questionable ... I always thought it was a bit of quid pro quo with weddings - you shell out 30 quid on their dinner, and they buy you a 30 quid gift type of thing!!!

[Octavius]

If you are offended by all or part of any invitiation then you should decline.

[Pippa68]

I don't think it's crass at all. It was suggested by a relative of mine after months of us saying we didn't want anything.

Cash for honeymoon spending is a great idea ~ we bought some lovely things we wouldn't have done otherwise, and after 10 years of co habiting there wasn't anything we needed or wanted. Besides which, we only invited people we knew really well ~ and who knew us!

[Pippa68]

I didn't get to say this in my other posts ~ but I feel that evening invitations are a no-no anyway. In my opinion you are either invited to a wedding or not..they seem to be purely for gift-gain!

[Champagne]

Good question Yinyang!

I received a text from the girl last weekend (my friend gave her my number) inviting me and I responded in the positive. I always got on well with her at school and the two times I have seen her (always with our mutual friend in tow) we�ve had a really good laugh. I�ve never met her partner.

[Champagne]

Since receiving the invite I am feeling dubious about attending because I won�t really know anybody there and, in reality, we probably won't keep in touch afterward. BUT, our mutual friend will probably want me to go with her as she won�t know too many people either. It�s a tricky one, and I�m still pondering�

[redcrx]

Go with your mutual friend and split the cost of card and gift!