Dating a single dad?

[AMC]

I've just met a single dad and we've been on a few dates and its getting serious. He wants me to meet his kids (3 & 9 years old) at a family Christening... His brother, 2 sisters, parents and extended family will be there... I've briefly met his brother already... I'm a bit anxious about the whole thing as there is a 7 year age gap (I'm 25, he's 32) and we're not (to my knowledge) officially dating yet... Is it too soon?? I don't want to crowd the kids but I don't want the rest of the family to think I'm ignoring them!! How do I handle it? Also not sure if their mum knows about me yet.... ALL ADVICE APPRECIATED!!

[noxlumos]

Just go, be charming, relax and enjoy it. No need to worry. you'er man clarly thinks you are dating or he#d not be inviting you.It's a very positive move I think, so enjoy the fact you are such a big hit with him and don't pay a mere 7 years age gap any thought, no-one wil notice such a small difference. I imagine he'll inform everyone you are coming,including and probably escpecially his ex, so relax, look and act nice to everyone and let the kids come to you for the main part without ignoring them obviously.It'll be fine.

[Postdog]

Well me personally, I wouldn't. You may not be officially dating, but neither are you officially just friends, and one way or another there is going to be a lot of speculation.

I think you should meet the kids away from this event - they are going to feel out of place too with Daddy's new friend there, and in my opinion, the whole relationship - if you want one - is better if you take it bits at a time. Having been in a similar situation once, I'd go out on a family day out, just you, him and the kids.

PS, I wouldn't worry about the age gap - sounds just right to me.

[skyep]

AMC -Personally, I would run a mile, I'm trying to read between the lines, are you comfortable with how fast things are moving? The age difference is irrelevant. How do you feel about him? It sounds like you have some gut feelings holding you back?

[New Yorker]

I'm a little confused. How can you say the relationship is getting serious on the one hand, and then you're not officially dating on the other? Have you asked him why he's invited you to this bash? Personally, I'd have reservations it would be to get one over on his wife/ex wife, and to save face. No...I'm with Postdog & skyep on this, and I'd stay away. Besides which, I think you should get to know him first without his kids around, or better still, find a single guy with no baggage.

[Postdog]

Just to add on that last comment about a single bloke without baggage. When you get to a certain age, either everyone has baggage of some kind ( and personally, the first time I went out with someone with kids I loved it because it gave it a new depth) OR, if they are single, then why?

Mind you, having said that, I'm single (does my two dogs count as baggage?)...

[New Yorker]

Hi Postdog...I wasn't dissing singles with kids, far from it. The point I was trying to make was this, AMC seems like a nice girl, and I was just pointing out that by going to his family christening when she's not even sure she's in a relationship with him could have its difficulties. What if one of his family, or wife/ex wife kicked off? These things do happen. No...I think she should find out the ground rules first, like where she stands.

[noxlumos]

I'd hate to have to do something romantic and nice for you lot. Lol

[New Yorker]

Postdog and I would probably love it noxlumos, walking hand in hand through the park with the dogs at our heels.

[charmed24]

Why do all of you put such an enphasis on official dating he is obviously trying to bring AMC into the family circle without the who har going as friends is a good idea you dont have to drape yourself all over him in fact being in that kind of enviroument would stop the obvious anxiety you feel the children will be occupied with other family members so they will not be looking at you as will the rest of the family it is very important for you to be introduced in a light friendly manner, and above all else you should discuss any fears you have with this man and trust his judgment he after all only has their interests at heart and he knows his own children well.
Good Luck

[sassenach]

I have been in this situation. Personally, I think it may be a little too soon if you are not officially dating. Also, if/when he does decide to introduce you, it might be better to do it in private when it may be easier for all of you (i.e. you and the kids) without the whole family around! Maybe you are a bit more confident than me but I would have felt really overwhelmed by what he is suggesting you do. And how is he going to introduce you if not as his girlfriend? It sounds a bit confusing for all concerned.

[AMC]

UPDATE:
A lot has happened in the last week. We have cleared up the issue and are now 'officially' dating. He had told his ex that he was meeting a girl on a regular basis and asked that I be allowed to meet the kids, which she had a bit of an issue with. Then however she informed them (without his knowledge) that dad had a 'new friend' who was going to be his girlfriend! This has forced us into a situation of my meeting the kids sooner than we had anticipated which is not a bad thing! I've already met the 3 year old and will be meeting the 9 year old shortly. I'm also meeting the rest of the family over the next few days. I have agreed to go to the Christening and the family have been made aware that the kids are not to be made aware of the fact that I am dating their dad although if they ask we will deal with it then involving their mum in the process in order that they are getting the same information from everyone. All is going well so far so fingers crossed!

[xanadu1812]

I'm really glad its going ok, I think you're doing the right thing- that is just going with the flow. Sometimes no amount of prior planning and consideraton really quite works anyway. lots of people within this can have inputs that you can't predict . You'll just deal with things as they arise. sounds like you're doing a good job. Just keep talking about it with your partner if there is an issue. dont bottle it up. Take it from me , other people's kids are never easy but they're no more difficult than your own either, just in different ways. good luck.

[AMC]

UPDATE:
Christening was today and went really well! Got on well with the kids. The 9 year old seemed to appreciate that I stayed out of her way for the first while and appeared to warm to me by the end!! Probably helped that from 11am to 7pm we didn't even have a cuddle nevermind a kiss! I'm sure she knows we're a couple from how other people reacted to me but don't see the point in rubbing her nose in it!

Had to drop them back to their mum's house after as she threw a bit of a fit and refused to allow him to have them for the night but even that went okay!! I didn't even get out of the car and as she lives in a cul de sac made the excuse that I had to turn the car. Apparently she's not taking my arrival the best so didn't see any point in aggravating the situation. I know I wouldn't be impressed if I had 2 kids and my ex and his new partner spent the day with them when the break up was still relatively recent!

Apparently his dad told him that he should hang on to me so appear to have made a good impression on the family.

Spent some time with him after and we talked a bit about the kids and I told him (again) how nervous I am about how to handle the situation as I haven't been here before.

I agree completely that talking is the only way to get through this and luckily for the first time ever I have a partner that believes in talking things through which is making it much easier!!