bf out with his ex!

[xJx]

its my bf's daughters birthday today! he has a child from a previous relationship and shes 1 years old today. he txtd me last night sayin that his ex and him r taking the baby out for the day. i feel so upset and worried! i know she has been texting him about things to do with their past relationship and im so concerned that today is going to make him want him 2 go back to playin happy families. i cant help being so paranoid about it! i completly understand about his child and accept that she will always come first but i feel so ill thinking about him with her all day. i didnt react to well when he told me and got a bit stroppy and upset but i have been dreadin this day and knew it would end up like this. anyone experienced something similar? thanks

[boro1986]

Why you like this HE is with YOU not her.

[wigglebum]

Just see what happens if he does choose to go back to his ex then there's nothing you can really do about it.

I know it hurts but are you mentally prepared to have the backlash from his ex and the child when it grows up for keeping mummy and daddy apart. I know I'm not.

I know you are stroppy and upset but would that not push your fella away more especially if the ex acts all happy and fun around him?

[Fiszi]

I know its hard. I would feel exactly the same if I were you but I'm sure you have nothing to worry about. jealousy is so difficult to avoid.

[xJx]

i can deal with the fact he has a little girl already. iv seen her a few times and she is lovely. i just hate the fact that arranged to spend the day together. i understand that it is for the sake of the child but it kills me that they r together. he says they only talk cuz of the baby n she cant stand her but y then agree to go with her. we r due to go on holiday next tuesday after last night i think he is mad with me. i jus cant act ok about something like that.

[Sasha13]

I don't mean this to sound hostile, but do you think that by reacting in this way you are going to stop him going back to her (if he wanted to ,which as boro1986 points out he clearly doesn't as he's with you?)

At a time like this, wouldn't it be better for you to be supportive and even though you may be feeling bad, not let this show? Surely he'd rather come home to someone who acted like that rather than having what is probably going to be a difficult day and then having to come home to a stroppy cow (I know that sounds horrible of me, but it's what he's bound to be thinking).

[noxlumos]

Sorry but I have no patience with this hysteria. What will actually happen here if you are not careful is he'won't leave you because he's still in love with his ex, because that clearly isn't the case, he'll leave you because you're acting like a stroppy, selfish silly girl who thinks that the world revolves around her paranoia. Snap out of it before he gets fed up with the dramatics.

[wigglebum]

I do know how you feel I honestly do.

I can't stand the girl my bloke has got a child with and he says he can't stand her but speak because of the child. I can say it does get easier but that niggling feeling will never go away.

I've ended up having many rows and quite big ones but I have explained over and over again that I feel uneasy about him spending time with ex and it has got better and he just picks him up and drops him off thats all he need to do really as the relationship is with child and not the ex. He did go to his childs bday party but luckily his mum went too!!

Does his ex have a problem with your fella looking after the child be himself?

[Sasha13]

And by the way, of course he's going to be mad at you... As I said, he needs your support, not an argument. Have you tried, calmly, asking him why he needs to spend the whole day with them?

[wigglebum]

The child actually needs to understand that mummy and daddy aren't together coz if they keep this act up of playing happily families for the sake of the child then the child will only be more confused when she gets older as to why her parents aren't together. I'm sure your fella was angry yesterday but could have calmed down now and see you point of view a little.

It will get better, honest!!

[ummmm]

I second nox's answer

[Lady Muck]

xJx... In all seriousness and without meaning to sound rude, have you considered some sort of counselling for your insecurities.

Yesterday you were concerned because your boyfriend was going away and you weren't sure if he had implied that you would be getting married or splitting up. Today it's the time he is spending with his daughter and his ex. Although this is not an ideal situation how much would you respect a man who did not see his daughter on his birthday if he could? (Even if it meant putting up with his ex for a few hours).

Just sitting here it looks to me like you are creating problems for yourself and need some sort of help to stop you bouncing off the walls. Whether that is couselling or some sort or relaxation techniques I don't know.

But as you have hinted that you have been cheated on in the past it could be that you are taking some of your insecurities out on your boyfriend, that's not fair on him. I think maybe RELATE could help you. With the best will in the world you sound like you need to work on your insecurities.

Good luck.

[Kim A]

God, how old are you? You CAN help being paranoid about it, so stop it, and grow up a bit. Your boyfriend and his ex have a shared history and a child. Doubtless you had a life before you met your boyfriend and there are probably things he doesn't like about that. Your boyfriend is acting admirably in wanting to keep himself in his daughter's life - many don't. Applaud his good sense and effort, live with the fact that he also had a life before he met you and stop the stroppy behaviour before he looks up and decides he'd rather be with this ex and the child than a jealous paranoid hysteric.

[xJx]

thank u for all of your comments. alot of them didnt need to be so blunt and rude though. i respect your opinions hence asking on a site like this. sometimes u feel very insecure about things especially when u have had bad experiences in the past and u r completly in love with someone. iv been feeling so rubbish all day and i only come on here 2 get some advice because i understand that sometimes i handle things in the wrong way. i didnt expect to get insulted by some of u! thank u 2 those that gave me advice or pointed out my negatives in a not so blunt way.

[joko]

he has been there, done that - and he didin't like it and left!

do you honestly think merely being in her company will suddenly make him decide he still want her?

to be honest it is the new girls that are more likely to tempt him no and ex that he has left.

i know i would not look twice at any of my exes, and i imagine many people feel the same

[fayelc123]

Hi xJx, things any better today?
I do understand how you feel, my bf has a daughter with his ex & i would be a bit paraniod & annoyed too.
But, like others have said, he is with you now & they obviously split up for a reason. I'm sure that your bf was probably just happy to spend the day with his daughter & didn't want to miss seeing her on her birthday.
If they don't go out together often then i would try to be understanding this time as it is her first birthday & they both probably just wanted to spend the day with her & instead of one of them missing out they spent it together.
I know it can be hard & you can't always help the way you feel but please try not to get so worked up, try talking to him calmly & explaining how you feel.

[lady_p_gold]

I am sorry you feel so troubled and although some have been a little harsh, try not to let it get to you. I think you are feeling very 'left out' and I do know how hard that can be, but as others have said, if he was going to go back with her then nothing you could do would stop it, but remember things were not right between them and whatever was not right will still not be right. So, take a deep breath and wish him well, remember he is doing it for the child and not for his ex. You will feel bad if you make a fuss because then you will make him torn between upsetting you or upsetting his child. So, just grit your teeth and get through it and be welcoming when he gets back, that is all you can do. There are going to be more days like this, school days, graduations etc. etc. and they will always share this bond, but that doesn't mean to say that you are not in his heart when he is with them.