Partners past

[caramel22]

Does anyone else get jealous of their partner past relationships? and constantly compare? I do and i know its stupid and its destroying our relationship but it drives me crazy with jealousy to think of my partner ever having done anything with anyone else. Its become an obsession

[mrknowall]

Well caramel as you know everybody has a past don't let it eat you up. If the guy didn't want to be with you he wouldn't and unless you stop this soon you wont have a boy friend.
Try and see it as your better than the others in ever way that's why he is with you and not them.
Don't let something like this spoil a relationship.
I wish you luck mrk

[jno]

lots of people do; but it's bad news. Yes, it destroys relationships - so you could be cutting your own throat and losing your chances of happiness. There's no easy answer to it - mrknowall's advice is good - and if it's really bad you could try asking your GP about getting therapy. This is your problem rather than your partner's (you'd presumably have the same problem even with a different partner), so you need to be proactive in seeking advice.

[joepublic]

his is obviously causing you a lot of pain and impacting on our relationship. Have you suffered from Jealousy and insecurity before?Are these feelings present in your normal everyday life or is this a relatively new thing for you?
It can really wear you down. At this point I don't suppose you can just tell yourself that if he/she was happy with his ex's he/she would still be with them?

How would you feel about getting some counselling to look at why you feel this way?

[Cockney_si]

Just agree to not mention it, start a fresh, treat everything as though it was your first relationship. Get used to each others company again, enjoy what time you have together, have fun, spoil each other.

[4getmenot]

Nope not now, I used to but that ruined things. Just look at it as he's with you now caramel. Good luck. xx

[Pippa68]

I used to...but gradually got over it!

[andy-hughes]

It is really hard to deal with this kind of insecurity, but you cannot change what has happened, you can only change the way you deal with it.

You have to remember that our experiences make us who and what we are, and that applies to past sexual experiences as well.

Remind yourself that he is with you now, not anyone from his past, and fretting over what he may or may not have done is only going to hurt you, and your relationship.

You must try to affirm yourself as an individual - make sure you have a good circle of friends with whom you are comfortable, and try and confide in someone who will reassure you.

Do not put all your energies into this relationship - it is unhealthy, and will be destructive.

You are mature attractive rounded interesting individual, you just have to make sure you remember that - he obvious does.

[caramel22]

Thanks for all your replies. I was with my ex for a few years and my boyfriend isnt jealous of that but thats probably because i was the one who finished the relationship. my worry is that it was his ex who finished their relationship (i think because they were always arguing), he did tell me that he wanted to finish with her but she basically did it first. although in the first couple of months of our relationship she tried getting in contact with him and so he changed his phone number (my suggestion) - i suppose he could have finished with me then if he still wanted to be with her. I've been to my dr's because my jealousy and insecurity is making me so unhappy - he's put me on a waiting list for therapy but it could be a few months until its available

[joepublic]

Have you ever thought about a self help book or a Hypnosis cd until therapy starts?

It worked wonders for me. If you have an internet connection you may be able to download a Paul Mckenna cd or similar for free.

[joko]

try to view it actually as a positive thing - it shows he knows how to be a boyfriend - and not some bumbling boy who is wet behind the ears, who does not know how to treat a woman, either as a partner or in bed or in public etc
it shows he has probably made mistakes and hopefully learn from them.

practice makes perfect - and remember - he's chosen you

[Nat82]

I had the same problem but never told my partner!! Then one day my boyfriend asked me a question about one of my ex boyfriends, then straight after, he admitted to me how much he hates to think that I've been with anyone else and he said it makes him feel sick thinking about it! This made me feel so much better as I knew he felt the same as me! Men usually hide alot of their feelings, but the chances are that your partner will feel just the same as you! You have a past just like your partner and now you are both together and happy! It's not a nice thing to think about, but you just have to look towads the future. The past is in the past for a reason xx