What do i do?

[cutejenna04]

Hey guys!

Need help! Friday night i went out for one of my friends birthday and got really drunk and ended up sleeping with my best friend! We were both drunk and we were just having a laugh - we were flirting as usual in the club and i invited him back to my flat as he didn't have enough money to get a cab. But then we continued drinking and things got out of hand. Even though i know we shouldn't of, i don't regret it and i must admit it was the best i have ever had!

We spoke the next morning and just laughed about it, and i texted him saying "do you regret what we did?" and he replied saying "no". What makes this situation even worse is that he has a girlfriend, who he has been with for about a year and a half!

Now when i look at him - cos i see him on sunday, all i can think about is friday night! I think i am developing feeling for him - but this is a guy who i have known for 7 years, and he is best friend! Can anyone help, or tell me what to do?

[4getmenot]

You�re right about the worse thing! This bloke has a girlfriend and with you being his best mate she has had to trust you with him, she has every right to stop you being mates. And drink is no excuse?? He cant just be a best mate to you as I know I wouldn�t sleep with anyone I class as my best mate, it would be like sleeping with my brother, eeeugh. But anyway, keeping that he has a girlfriend out of the equation. I think you should just forget it and be sure it doesn�t happen again.

[cutejenna04]

Thats the problem, i can't forget it! All i can think about is him! Its driving me crazy!

He has cheated on his girlfriend before but she has always taken him back!

boo hoo :(

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i agree with 4getmenot. I have a lot of female friends too, but wouldnt sleep with them. I have grown up with them and it wouldnt be right.
I cant believe you did it anyway, knowing he has a girlfriend.
I think you lured him back, as you already knew he had cheated before and was gaurenteed it, just to get some satisfaction for yourself.
I think the best thing you could do now is try not to see this guy. There is no way now that you can go back to just friends as the mark has been overstepped. Unless thats what you want full time, but you should not be with him whilst he has a girlfriend...

[cutejenna04]

I didn't know what was going to happen, we have always been close and he tried once before a few years back and i said no, but Friday the heat of the moment took over and reason or conscience didn't come into my head until the next morning!

It wasn't intentional, i'm asking for advice not to be judged!

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i think really your after is someone to say that what you did was ok.
You will get advice off me and be judged i am afraid.
Until you accept what you did was wrong then no matter how much advice someone gives you, your not gonna take it until someone says what you want to hear...

[cutejenna04]

I know what i did was wrong - are you so perfect that you have never done something wrong? And i'm not trying to get people to say what i want to hear!

I am just trying to say that my feelings have changed towards him, and even though i do feel guilty in doing what we did, it does take two to tango and i can't go back and change what happened!

[4getmenot]

yes I have done alot of things wrong and so I will give my advice knowing how many people got hurt in the process. You cannot possible be mates with this bloke while he has a girlfriend if you have these strong feelings for him. Not only to be fair on the girlfriend to be fair on you too as this bloke sounds like a real player who has no respect for women at all.

[tiny e.a]

Yes, you made a mistake and you acknowledge that and are sorry that you made that mistake, now don't beat yourself up over it any more, it's too self destructive and in this case unnecessary, it's not you who owes his girlfriend anything (unless she was a mutual friend or something). Everyone has made a mistake they have to live with and this is not the biggest one you could ever make or even close to it, in the grand scheme of things, you are not the guiltiest party in all of this, it is your friend who is the cheat.

Now, with regards to where you can go from here, you have four options.

1) You can forget it ever happened. Ignore your feelings for him and carry on as normal, as the good friends (though I'm inclined to agree not 'best' friends) you've always been.

2) If you can't carry on as normal then you can avoid him. If your feelings are too deep to bear seeing him without being with him you will just have to cut off contact.

3) You can tell the boy how you feel, which could risk your friendship but it also could push him to break up with his girlfriend and be with you. I'd make very sure that your feelings are real and not just confused as a result of the sex before you take this action though.

4) You can try and seduce him whenever you fancy and not give a toss about his girlfriend, although, if you do have genuine feelings for him you could end up getting hurt and feeling used if you accept this option.

For what it's worth, when I was in this situation I opted for number 1, I thought I loved him for years to be honest but now I'm very embarassed that I ever had any feelings for him like that at all! (and our friendship has lasted longer than his and his girlfriends relationship and certainly longer than a relationship between ourselves would have lasted had we gone for it. In a years time this will not seem like a big deal I assure you.)

[Psychick]

cutejenna stop and think about something you have said here............he hsa cheated on his girlfriend in the past......now hes cheated on her with you.

Do you really want to be with a bloke who is known for cheating on his girlfriends?

I think whatever you do, you shouldnt have a relaltionship with him......you'll be the next one he cheats on otherwise.

[cutejenna04]

Thank you so much tiny - that is a big help, alot better than the other two!

Thank you for being so understanding - i really mean that! I think i am gonna chose option 1 also, i think that would be best for all parties concerned!

Thanks x

[cutejenna04]

Thanks psychick! Good advice, much appreciated! x

[4getmenot]

you asked out opinion we have it. Not our fault its not what you want to do. Dont know why I bother sometimes.

[4getmenot]

and I only said the same as psychick just in a different way. Look out for No.1

[cutejenna04]

Sorry 4getmenot - i was suppose to refer to Mr Ben!

Thanks for your advice also x

[4getmenot]

well I only saw the other two as me and MrBen, but you shouldnt get at im either, he gave his opinion. xx

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i will only tell you my opinion jenna.
I think everyone has done something wrong in the past. Thats why different advice is good for you.
I still say you just want to hear good things and that you dont think any of it was your fault. When someone states the "2 to tango" phrase, its usually a case of wanting to push the blame on the other person. In this case, the blame lies entirely on yourself as you already knew what he was like.
As i have said before, its like putting a bar of chocolate infront of a lady and blaming her for eating it...

[JDB1971]

Just reading up a bit on your situation. I have been there before. My good friend and I crossed the line (more than once i am afraid) and now barely talk. Unfortunately I have fallen madly in love with this fellow and can't stop thinking about him. I miss him terribly. I suggest you try to end it as soon as possible before your feeling get even more out of control. I risked many things to be with this man and could have lost a lot (it is complicated). But if you are having any of the emotions that I had (and have) the best thing to do is to stay away from him. Yes hard to do since he is your best friend but you have to in order to save your own sanity.