Ex and Court

[SHELLP]

I have been split up from my ex partner for 3 1/2 months during this time have dated a few men but cant get my ex out of my head until I do wont be able to move on. He is in crown court on the 13th october for assult on me and holding me at knifepoint he is looking at a custodial sentence. I have had the papers through telling me I have to attend court as a witness against him and should have returned these signed by now but cannot bring myself to do so I still have strong feelings for him and dont want him to go to prison. Dont know what to do should I send them back and give evidence against him or not turn up in court and risk being in trouble myself. He is on a downward spiral from what people have told me drinking to excess and telling everyone I have left him and am taking him to court. Wish one of these men I have been out with could take my mind off him but when out with them I think of him all the time. So confused dont want him back dont know what I want. I am having counselling but dont feel like its helping at all. I still feel like he has control over me even though have not seen or heard from him he is on bail with conditions not to contact me and cannot come near the area I live in. Should I contact him?

[sara3]

Shell, have you forgotten that this is the man you've been terrified of? you want to go back for more? if you don't turn up in court it's likely you'll get arrested yourself.

is he worth all this? you know the answer. what happened to your spirit? don't let him do this to you.

[zzxxee]

please please, and i am talking from experience do not under any circumstances, have this man back. you do not assult someone you love end of story, you treat them with love and gentleness. I URGE YOU TO GO AND SEE A COUNCILLER TO GIVE YOU SOME STRENGHTH TO STAND UP IN COURT. YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED FOR WHO YOU ARE AND NOT BE TREATED LIKE AN ANIMAL. you are more than that

[terambulan]

Can't live with him, can't live without him?

Do what you are required by law. You can re-assess the relationship after the Court case.

[zzxxee]

what idiotic advice to re-assess the situation there is nothing to re-assess get out and stay out.........period................

[zzxxee]

why are there so many dick heads on here?????????????? people ask for genuine heartfelt advice and ***** like raggy roman telling a troubled woman to go back to her life of domestic violence idiotic comments like that can tip people over the edge

[SHELLP]

I know what I should do but finding it so hard to be strong . When I hear that he is drunk all the time I feel like crying but dont want him to be happy either I am so confused. I cant believe he is blaming me for everything and now got an actual date for court I,m scared of sending him down because I would feel guilty.

My head is messed uo and counselling is not helping at all.

[sara3]

what can he offer you, Shell? how will he make you happy?

[zzxxee]

when you have been beaten black and blue for seven years have no strenghth left inside you dont care if you live or die because you have no soul...........its not moaning you imbicile it takes someone to extend the hand of friendship and help build up your confidence and give you some kindness

[bensmum]

I too have been in this position. Like a fool I wrote to the court asking for him to be given a chance to go into rehab and he was given a suspended sentence. He was OK until the suspension was up then slipped back into his old ways and it ended up badly for me. Go to court - do you have someone who could go as support with you? Remember the times you were terrified of him and get him out of your system - chances are he won't change and you need to move on and make a life for yourself without him I wish you luck as I know what you're going through and it's not a nice place to be.

[zzxxee]

get a strong support network around you what are you scared of that when he gets out something will happen to you? its not your fault hes drinking he chooses his own actions as do you my love do the right thing and move on

[SHELLP]

I just feel so desperate at the moment dont know what to do. Dont really have any friends I can talk to they all think he should go to prison and good ridence to him. I can understand how they feel but still cant help how I feel.

[sara3]

I haven't been in a violent relationship and would run a mile if I thought someone was capable of such things.

but they do pick on vulnerable women, and there lies the problem.. they batter their confidence along with every shred of self-esteem.

[zzxxee]

i suggest you quit the comments now raggy dick head dont comment on something you no nothing about that is my final comment to you

[SHELLP]

Dont know what I,m scared of if I dont go his bail conditions would be dropped so he would be free to do what he wants to an extent but if he went to prison I would feel guilty that his life was ruined but thats what I feel about mine at the moment.

[zzxxee]

shell you really need to contact a domestic violence group who can put you in touch with people who have been in your situation.You may meet some friends out of this and here their positive stories , your local police station should have some details of local groups or your libary good luk hunx

[SHELLP]

Sara3 I always thought I was a strong person when I 1st met him he made me feel so special and although he was jealous I thought this was nice but eventually it gets overwhelming I put weight on and stopped making an effort because if I got dressed up he accused me of it being for someone. He wore me down told me I was fat and ugly and no one would want me but in the next breath I was having affairs with everyone even his best friend. Always when he had been drinking he blamed the death of his young daughter for his drinking, and I gave him sympathy but can only do that for so long.

Just feel so confused wish I could fall asleep and when wake up it would all be a dream.