Ex and Court

[SHELLP]

I have been split up from my ex partner for 3 1/2 months during this time have dated a few men but cant get my ex out of my head until I do wont be able to move on. He is in crown court on the 13th october for assult on me and holding me at knifepoint he is looking at a custodial sentence. I have had the papers through telling me I have to attend court as a witness against him and should have returned these signed by now but cannot bring myself to do so I still have strong feelings for him and dont want him to go to prison. Dont know what to do should I send them back and give evidence against him or not turn up in court and risk being in trouble myself. He is on a downward spiral from what people have told me drinking to excess and telling everyone I have left him and am taking him to court. Wish one of these men I have been out with could take my mind off him but when out with them I think of him all the time. So confused dont want him back dont know what I want. I am having counselling but dont feel like its helping at all. I still feel like he has control over me even though have not seen or heard from him he is on bail with conditions not to contact me and cannot come near the area I live in. Should I contact him?

[zzxxee]

seriously talk to someone today you sound so helpless i no its sunday but there are the samaritains or councillers online DO SOMETHING NOW

[sara3]

in reality Shell, it's a nightmare. why would you go back to that? it's not you prosecuting, it's the police. the court will deal with the sentence, and don't lose sight of the fact that you are the victim. you're not doing this to him, he has brought it on himself.

all these pieces of sh1t have to have some charm about them, or they'd never get a foot in the door.

you don't owe him anything. he needs to sort his life out and he needs to be punished for what he has done.

you owe it to yourself (and don't you have kids?) to be a different woman now. hold your head up. you're not a victim any more.

[zzxxee]

sara3 is spot on go on do whats right what have you got to loose?

[paulthewall]

I have seldom seen so many responses to one letter, most of which urge you to stand up for yourself and sign those forms. I can only agree, and to be honest I can advise you that it is a statistical liklihood that if you involve yourself with him ever again, you will receive the same, or worse, treatment, and your life may be compormised as a result. Try moving to a different area, join a dating agency, go to evening classes and learn a new skill or two. You never know who you might meet.
Keep us all posted!

[zzxxee]

seriously good luck x

[SHELLP]

Deep down I know what I have to do just wish ~I could be stronger and not feel so emotional about everything.

I have one daughter but she is 21 and I know if someone had done this to her I would want to kill them.

He controlled me for 4 years and its hard to break free.

[zzxxee]

get out confide in your daughter she can be your 1st of many support people, i would say go to court and get the hell out of your area start afresh

[sara3]

but Shell, you already ARE free. don't look back, or it will all be gone.

[SHELLP]

All his family and friends are blaming me for the state he is in now. My friends blame him for everything there is no one around who remains neutral thats why its so good to come on here and talk. My daughter hates him just mentioning his name sends her on a rant.

I am going out a lot and my friends keep me busy lots of the time but its when I,m alone that I start thinking.

I have been out with a couple of men but dont thinki im ready to move on cos thinking of him when with them.

Trying hard to stay strong

[terambulan]

SHELLP...fgs get a grip for the sake of your daughter. How would you feel if he attacked your daughter, locked her in a cellar, abused her etc (as per recent news).

A drunk person is the easiest of targets, and once given a good beating they become tamed. Pay him back, be irrational dont cower.....throw bricks/bottles/kick him when down, you can always claim 'self-defence' since he has a record....when drunk he wont remember how he got his injuries.

[zzxxee]

even more reason to move on to a new area get rid of him and his family

[SHELLP]

Thanks for all the support it is much appreciated and I will try to stay strong and go through with everything.

[ceejn]

3 1/2months is not a long time to be split up,so its obvious he will be at the forefront of your mind and personally i think too soon to be dating cos you will compare everyone with him.I really hope you see it through and go to court.If you don't whats going to happen....More of the same ,thats what !!! and do you really want that?
Don't feel sorry for him,he steered his life to where it is now and if you don't go through with it and go back to him , he'll know he can do anything with pratically no consequences.If nothing else a spell in jail MIGHT make him think.I think you really want him back but forget the magical qualities that guys like this seem to have and the emotional roller coaster life is like with them.You deserve better, get out and about and try to get in with another circle of people so you have other things to do and think about than just him.

[onlyme26]

Raggy - you are a total Pri*k

i am a woman that has NOT been in a violent relationship!!!!!

how the hell is anyone supposed to know when they first meet they will end up getting hurt!!!!!!!

if we dodged everyone we feel may end up being a "wife/husband beater" we would never step out the door or go out with anyone!!!!

men can also be in violent relationships where the woman is doing the "beating" its just not as heard of as men tend to be more proud!!!!

i think you should keep your nasty remarks to yourself!!! plus i think everyone who reads this thread with think your a t*t so basically i say "YOU LOSE THE ARGUMENT"