Insecurity.

[SC00BY]

Please read all of this before thinking i'm horrible.

I'm currently seeing someone who is 'large' They are really insecure about being so, and thinks that i'm going to 'run off' with someone slim.

The thing is I am really, really attracted to this person. And am completely in love. There is no way on earth that I'm going to cheat or run off with anyone, whether they be small, large or whatever.

Is there any way to reassure my partner that it's only them i'm interested in.

Thankyou

[FarKenOath]

WTF is wrong with you? If you are so in love with this person why not just tell them how you feel and reasure them. Is that so hard to do.

[andy-hughes]

Trying to re-assure someone with a low self-image is tough - as soon as you feel you are getting somewhere, something will set them off and you have to start over.

All you can do is try to affirm your partner, not os much with words, but with looks and gestures, and eventually, under the sprinkling of your love, they will blossom and flower.

It takes time and patience, but you will get there.

[Bbbananas]

The insecurity is their problem; the only thing that will convince him (her?) is time. After time, hopefully, they will feel more secure and confident of your feelings.

All you can do is keep on with the reassurances (but don't overdo it), keep telling him he's looking good, and don't call him blubbertum or fattie (as my wonderful BF tends to do. Great huh? The only reason I don't take offence is cos I know he's really only teasing)

[Bbbananas]

... if he wasn't teasing, I'd 'groin' him. ;-)

[SC00BY]

1) Nothing is 'wrong' with me. I do reassure. I tell her I love her, am in love and will never cheat. I wont.
We are going on holiday soon and she is now paranoid that i'm going to see someone in a bikini and run off with them. Again i'm not. I constantly reassure.


Andy, Once again great advice.
Without going into too much detail, due to abuse and bullying her self esteem is rock bottom. I will keep trying to reassure. And hopefully you are right about time.

Thanks

[Bbbananas]

sorry scoobs - just realised you're a fella. Same advice applies though!

[SC00BY]

Actually i'm female, and so is she. I didn't put what sex we were. I didn't think it mattered.

Sorry if i've confused anyone.
Sx

[Shoesandsuga]

FarKenOath you sound brutally honest...

Just tell her how you feel. (I'm guessing its a woman since sallabananas said your a bloke; I'm not going to go into gay, bi or lesbian issues...) Women have loads of insecurities so once you get past that issue it will be easier to deal with other things.

Practice makes perfect. :)

[ummmm]

If she doesn't like how she looks then I think the insecurity will stay. You can just make her feel better by paying her lot's of little compliments. Eventually she might believe you.

[Shoesandsuga]

Just pretend I put female. ^^^

[Bbbananas]

I'll try again scoobs!!!

It still makes no matter what sex either of you are - same advice applies. Again...! Sorry to make assumptions - it matters not a jot.

Just 'love' her. :-)

[SC00BY]

I do 'just' love her.
I'll do anything to reassure her. Its just difficult because I know i'm crazy about her.

I will keep trying though. She's worth it.

Sallabananas: Thankyou for saying it doesn't matter that we are both women.

Sx

[andy-hughes]

This thread will educate some contributors that gay couples experience exactly the same problems as straight couples - with add-ons caused by the predjudices that gay people live with on a daily basis.

Shattered self-esteem takes a long time to re-build and there are loads of 're-starts' to endure through the process, but you obviously love this very lucky woman, and eventually she is going to able to bask in that love without feeling she doesn't deserve it.

You are clearly a 'one-woman' lady, and once your partner accepts that, she will be on her way to happiness with you.

[sqad617]

"Is there any way to reassure my partner that it's only them i'm interested in. "

Confused. You are thin and your partner is fat.

From your above statement you say "THEM"

Are you implying that your are only interested in fat people?

[Bbbananas]

Would that be a fatophile as opposed to a fatophobe?
Or are we turning this thread in a direction it didn't really ought to go?!!

[SC00BY]

No I'm not only interested in 'fat' people! I'm only interested in her. It makes no difference to me.

I was trying not be gender specific.

I wanted some advice for us as a couple, and didn't want anyones advice influenced bu the fact we are both women.

Andy, what you say is so true. Our 'issues' have nothing to do with our sexuality. Thankyou.

[sqad617]

salla....would it be lipophyle and lipophobe?

[Bbbananas]

I've just had to verify that one sqad...and...
No.

[SuDFB]

It doesnt matter what sex you both are it works all the same...
I am a lady whos curvacious ;) and also I know my partners finds me sexy i still feel insecure not as much as I would if he didnt make me feel sexy....

What you need to do is slowly is make comments on how she looks, when shes getting dresses mention how beautiful she is or a certain part of her body, tell her when its hanky panky time how attractive she is and etc... its a slow process but it works :)

But most importantly make sure she knows just how much you love her...

p.s. when your jealous show it... its a great boost of confidence...

[SC00BY]

SuDFB: Thankyou. I'd never thought of the jealousy thing.

She says she knows that I love her. But can't understand how I can fancy her. But I do!

Thanks everyone for some great advice

Sx