I told him

[angel21]

that we can't be together as the relationship doesn't work for me in the long term.

Then I reeled of my list of reasons and then he said that some of the things I thought he had done he hadn't and it really really makes me confused so then he went out and left me at his flat for some 'head space' and then came back about 10.15 last night where in the meantime I had cried so much I gave myself a terrible migraine and puked down the toilet.

So I told him I was ill and couldn't think straight and he said I could stay and go tomorrow if thats still what I wanted so I stayed.

Now at work looking like something that crawled out of a drain (been in the same clothes 4 days in a row)

Theres so much that I doubt in the relationship and he tells me a lot of it I have got wrong like he says he didn't cheat last time we were together but at the time he said he did and he something that he sings (hodily hodily ho) every now and then for no reason I think means he's calling me a whoare and he said it wasn't but I don't think I believe him. Plus while I was in bed last night I thought of something else - when we got back together this time he said he hadn't kissed anyone since we had been apart and then I found a pair of knickers in his wardrobe which I confronted him about and he said 'we were apart for 2 years you know' so he obviously had done more than kissed a girl.

He's lied to me but I still doubt myself

[tamborine]

the knicks in the cupboard Angel found.....I always wash 2nd hand knicks;)

[angel21]

There are a few people on here I class as friends and am really grateful to them xxx

[rinkins]

Angel I agree with CAJ, get that one thing ticked off!!

[redcrx]

do you not think that friends give good advice? can you not see why people are saying what they are
no-one can support you in continuing this "relationship", friends can give advice and be there to help you through it.

But you have to do take this step, youre gonna make yourself ill

[angel21]

Thanks CAJ1 xx

[4getmenot]

You shouldnt feel bad for what you have done and it is good to talk about it. I;m sure most of us have been in a situation that was hard to walk away from. I know I was but walking away was hardest but also best thing I ever did with my life. I am so much a better person now.

[angel21]

I understand why people are saying what they are. Even the bad things people are saying I can't really blame them for. I do moan on and on but I do have reasons for it and I don't have anyone else to talk to apart from you lot unfortunately for you.

I will make the right decision, thanks everyone xxx

[biggerlonger]

4get is right

apart from the better person bit

[ummmm]

How the hell did you come to the conclusion that 'hodily hodily ho' meant he was calling you a wh0re?

Also, he's older than you so probably doesn't tell you the truth because you might over react. From what I've read I'd probably hide the truth from you. You were apart for 2 years. Did you really expect him to abstain for that amount of time?

I think you're too young for him.

[4getmenot]

but you are taking them as bad things which they arent, people are just being blunt to help you and make you open your eyes.

Good luck. xx

[CAJ1]

You'll look back one day and wish you had done it sooner if you don't do it now. I wish I hadn't wasted 5 years of my life with my ex, I wish I had of been braver and left earlier. That way I would have been left with a little bit of confidence, self-esteem and love for myself to build upon. Instead I was a sad, angry, destroyed person who struggled through depression to get to the happier person I am now. As hard as this may be, staying and then eventually leaving and working up from rock bottom will be much harder. If I can stop one person from going through that then my job is done xx

[4getmenot]

you obviously didnt know me before biggerlonger.

[angel21]

actually ummm he said there doesn't feel like theres an age gap at all. If anything I am old before my time rather than immature. Doubt and insecurity doesn't = immature

[biggerlonger]

i am pulling your leg my bb brother

[4getmenot]

when did ummmm mention immature?

[ummmm]

Life makes you mature. You don't sound emotionally mature to me.

[rinkins]

Caj and 4get are so right angel. I feel annoyed at myself for wasting a year putting off the inevitable, but I feel so much better now I am out of it. Honestly, I realise I had changed so much and now I am back to how I used to be and I love it x

[ummmm]

I didn't....I said I think she's too young for him.

[ummmm]

But what has he done exactly?

[angel21]

Saying that he hides things from me because I might over react is insinuating that I am immature.

I said in my post that he told me he hadn't kissed anyone since we had been apart and then he tells me the knickers in the wardrobe were from when we were apart so he has lied. Thats what I am annoyed about. I'm not stupid enough to think he has abstained for 18 months. Thats not the issue. Its the lying.

I'm going to do the right thing xxx