I want your opinions please!

[CAJ1]

My boyfriend and I went away for the weekend as it was my birthday yesterday. I booked the flights and hotel but he paid for it.

Now whilst I appreciate that he took me away, he never got me a birthday card and he didn't even say happy birthday to me until 6.30pm last night when I asked him if he wanted to say anything to me! Only last week I was saying to him that we should make more effort to be romantic and thoughtful towards each other as it feels like we're just living together at the moment and he said he had taken what I said on board.

I would much prefer to have a card which has thought behind it than be taken away and have to book everything myself.

Now I don't know if its because women and men think differently (because I know if I talk to him he'll not understand and will say I'm making a fuss over nothing) but all my girl friends agree with me. What do you lot think?

[tamborine]

CAJ1....lots of hedonistic men think that by 'sleeping with you' is a good enuf sign that they love you. The trick is to turn their hedonism in your favour......as I earlier pointed out.

Dont fret over a card when there's so much else up for grabs.

[CAJ1]

No jno, it was his idea but he left me to book it all.

I think everyone is assuming I'm upset because I didn't get a card when the problem is he didn't really make an effort from booking the trip, to getting me a card or even wishing me a happy birthday. Maybe I didn't explain it well.
Sqad - I'm confused, the question was for everyone to answer, I didn't want answers just from one gender

[Sqad]

caj1...you did....I apologise.

[1984doherty]

CAJ1...First of all, it seems strange that it was his idea to go away and that he paid for the holiday, yet he had no input into it. How did that happen? Did he not have the time? Could he not be bothered? Or did you take control of choosing and booking and he left you to it? Secondly, you said he used to buy you flowers, take you out etc but not now, so what's changed with regards to him, is money now a factor since you've both moved in together? Or perhaps he has just got himself into a rut with regards to romance, though saying that, not buying you a card or even saying happy birthday is a serious lack of effort on his part! You say he makes you laugh, that you enjoy each others company and that you love each other so things can't be that bad and if he's been romantic in the past surely he must be just going through a dry spell in romantic gestures.

[CAJ1]

I'm still confused sqad so I'll accept your apology and move on :o)

He asked me to do it 1984doherty as he was busy but 10 mins would book an online fight and another 10 to phone a hotel. I don't know whats happened with regards to him getting flowers, treating me etc, he has the same amount of money. Its not even things that cost money, I would love a little note sat waiting for me somewhere or something similar that costs nothing but shows he cares. I think he has just got used to living with me, he doesn't make an effort and he's happy with that and I'm not.

[ummmm]

Does he tell you he loves you?

[Sqad]

ummmm....eh?

[cazzz1975]

some blokes are scared of doing the wrong thing, maybe he was worried that he would pick the wrong hotel? what did you do for his birthday?

[jno]

'let's have a holiday - you book it' sounds a bit like he's got no more input than writing a cheque. That's kind of against the whole point of birthday presents, which is that the giver does the work.

But he might just have left you to do it on the basis that you would know exactly what you wanted better than he did. No point in taking you to Blackpool if you wanted Venice. So perhaps he was being really thoughtful. Perhaps.

[bednobs]

blimey, you must be an absolutely wonderful surfer to be able to look at and book a holiday all in 20 minutes!

[Sqad]

jno....no! no! no!
Caj is main "beef" is not the weekend......surprise surprise....but that BF didn't say "Happy Birthday" and /or send her a Birthday card.

[1984doherty]

Well it's a bit of tough one. If you talk to him and tell him how you're feeling then he may change and start the whole romance thing again, although it will probably be bitter sweet because it would be like you "told him to" kinda thing.

You could always give him little, subtle hints and see if he takes notice. "That restaurant is meant to be really nice"..."ohhh i've always wanted to go to York / Madrid / New York in the Summer / Spring / Christmas..." etc etc. He might not get it straight away so start small and build it up. He probably wont realise straight away either so it will come as a suprise to you when it does happen and it will make him feel like it was his idea to begin with!

Or, there's the do nothing option and hope he starts all the romance again in his own time. Which could happen, you never know, anything could trigger it and it sounds like (as he's been romantic before) it will be 'when' rather then 'if'...but how long...who knows!

[Sqad]

caj1

Just had a word with Mrs sqad who sympathises with you.

[Canary42]

I'm confused. When I suggested you dump him, you said you didn't want to end a 3-year relationship just over a card. But now you say it's all about him not making any effort. I'm beginning to go back to my "dump him" view. You need to talk to him about it (yes, I know you said he will say you're making a fuss about nothing, but that's not your opinion and he needs to take that on board and discuss it). Ask him why he's changed, and if it reflects a changing view about you. Tell him you feel he's taking you for granted which isn't good enough. Both parties need to work on a relationship all the time, otherwise it is doomed (unless, as is often the case, one party is happy as a doormat).

[pericat]

Empathises ?

[Sqad]

peri...LOL LOL...you say you feel cr@p today, but you seem "bang on form".....LOL

[CAJ1]

Very rarely ummmm!

For his birthday cazzz (he was 30) I got him 30 different presents, ranging from tiny things to an experience day with a stay in a hotel (which I organised lol).

Ok maybe 30mins bednobs lol!

[Booldawg]

Romantic gestures are a sign of weakness from a males point of view. They suggest a lack of confidence in a relationship. The continual need to reinforce your involvement in someones live with pointless acts of lavish attention is no less than buying someones love.

As woman are ridiculously vain they will lap up this mis-directed attention but also pick up on the neediness of the act which will serve to devalue your position in their lives. They will no doubt string you along but crave a nasty b45t4rd like me with the eternal pursuit that they can train me to 'be the one'; again a futile act of vanity.

[CAJ1]

I don't think I've explained myself well - my main "beef" as sqad puts it lol, is that he doesn't make as much of an effort as he used to and following a discussion with him last week about this he had the perfect opportunity to be romantic this weekend and failed (IMO). Not mentioning my birthday once the whole day made me feel as though he had forgotten it and as I have no family I felt a bit sad that no one (except yogi and posters) had mentioned it!

Put Mrs Sqad on please so we can have a whinge lol!

Btw Sqad can I get some medical advice please?