Happiness?

[KRUSTYMAN]

Sorry this is a little longwinded. 28 years ago after a short relationship my g/friend got a little confused and translated something I said as a proposal. Not wanting to upset her I went along with it all rather than upset her and thought maybe it is the right thing to do. After we married, I decided that I could'nt leave her and leave her 'damaged and possibly less worthy to other prospective suitors' so I stuck with it. We had two children and in the last 28 years she has made my life a living hell. In all that time we've made love/sex perhaps 50 times - I always got pushed away and told don't you think I do enough around the house. I'm not a lazy person I worked 16 hours shifts sometimes 7 days a week and then still tried to help around the house and decorate etc. In the end I got tired of being pushed away in bed - being told that the kids come first, the house second with me a pretty poor third. As for the sex, I complained and we argued and was told if I wanted it to go elsewhere but I wouldn't be welcome in my home anymore. I could have cheated but through all my stupidity I clung to my integrity and never did. Now my kids have grown up, my daughter left home and does her best to avoid visiting to avoid her mother. Now I find myself unable to work due to a spinal injury and obviously quite depressed to say the least. I have recently started talking to a younger lady who, unbeknown to me, suffers badly from depression. Do you think I've done my 'fair share' and clung to my integrity for too long. I'm not planning on changing my no adultery rule but I do find myself falling for this other woman. I'm torn do I stay and let what's left of my soul wither and die or do I try to move on and away? This really isn't a hoax question. I once explained my situation to my work colleagues - my honesty is another of my 'weaknesses' - during a lunch break when we were all discussing wives and families big mistake - should I, can I move on and be happy with someone else

[ummmm]

Joko...I also read your answer as very harsh.

He hasn't denied he's partly to blame and he can only post about how he feels. So we should give advise on that information. Doesn't matter what all the details are over the last 28 years....this is how he's feeling.

Would you be the harsh if he'd said they'd had a reasonably happy marriage but he'd fallen out of love? Probably not..

[KRUSTYMAN]

joko I looked up your previous posts simply because I couldn't understand why you were so hostile?

[ummmm]

I think she comes across more hostile than she intends.

[KRUSTYMAN]

Can't thank you all enough! I certainly have some serious thinking to do I really do appreciate your kind words and will happily update you all on the future. Again, thank you.

[ummmm]

Good luck xx

[joko]

you are probably right ummm...i am not being hostile...why would i be?
i may sound harsh, but its not intended just to be mean...i think he has a lot to answer for by the sounds of it...and i think he needs to hear it...

i dont believe he has accepted any responsibilty - his words were that he thinks it would be bizarre for him to be in any way responsible, and i found his comments about her being damaged etc and his general tone of poor me and what a horror she is etc, just a touch rich considering what he has done to her...
there are always 2 sides...

on one side it was good of him to stick with her because he'd married her..many men would not have done...but he needs to realise that that was not really the honorable thing to do, that he seems to htink it is...he should have let her go...both of them could have been happy now, had he not just blundered along with a 'misunderstanding'.
i would be furious too if i was her

just as he is blaming her for his unhappiness, i have no doubt she is blaming him too

[Marijn]

I don't think joko is intending to be harsh either. I think she's being fair by trying to see the other side of the story. If you do leave your wife, don't feel you have to turn everyone against her. You both need to be happy.

[xstitcher]

I would suggest you read your question as if it were some one else that wrote and then decide on an answer........................

[Nay35]

Hi there, Firstly I think you shouldn't have got married if you didn't love her. Yes she would have been hurt but she would have got over it and found someone else. I got married very young with a guy that I did really love but we were both too young an immature and we just grew apart. He ended up cheating and leaving me when our son was 6 weeks old. Yep it hurt like hell but I was still young enough to start over and find my happiness. I have found a wonderful man that has made the last two years the happiest I have ever been. Don't get me wrong I do respect your sticking to it and being completely selfless. So many people divorce or separate without trying to work things out (Like my Ex-husband) cos it is so easy these days. I do think it is time for you to think of yourself now. Like many others have said go the right way about it separate and divorce properly and give yourself some time alone before jumping into a relationship that could end up the same as you and your wife.

Good luck for the future, hope you find your happiness. xx

[Sonja85]

You need to go and find your happieness, 28 years is a long time, and i dont say its not your fault, but you seem like the person that never speaks up, and always wants to please everybody around you! But here is a question for you,,,,
WHAT ABOUT YOU???? WHAT ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, NEEDS, DESIRES< YOUR LIFE????
Cheating is not the answer, but staying in a Marriage that is not happy or Confortable, is not the answer either,,,,
Good Luck Hun