Happiness?

[KRUSTYMAN]

Sorry this is a little longwinded. 28 years ago after a short relationship my g/friend got a little confused and translated something I said as a proposal. Not wanting to upset her I went along with it all rather than upset her and thought maybe it is the right thing to do. After we married, I decided that I could'nt leave her and leave her 'damaged and possibly less worthy to other prospective suitors' so I stuck with it. We had two children and in the last 28 years she has made my life a living hell. In all that time we've made love/sex perhaps 50 times - I always got pushed away and told don't you think I do enough around the house. I'm not a lazy person I worked 16 hours shifts sometimes 7 days a week and then still tried to help around the house and decorate etc. In the end I got tired of being pushed away in bed - being told that the kids come first, the house second with me a pretty poor third. As for the sex, I complained and we argued and was told if I wanted it to go elsewhere but I wouldn't be welcome in my home anymore. I could have cheated but through all my stupidity I clung to my integrity and never did. Now my kids have grown up, my daughter left home and does her best to avoid visiting to avoid her mother. Now I find myself unable to work due to a spinal injury and obviously quite depressed to say the least. I have recently started talking to a younger lady who, unbeknown to me, suffers badly from depression. Do you think I've done my 'fair share' and clung to my integrity for too long. I'm not planning on changing my no adultery rule but I do find myself falling for this other woman. I'm torn do I stay and let what's left of my soul wither and die or do I try to move on and away? This really isn't a hoax question. I once explained my situation to my work colleagues - my honesty is another of my 'weaknesses' - during a lunch break when we were all discussing wives and families big mistake - should I, can I move on and be happy with someone else

[ummmm]

What have you got to lose?

[jackthehat]

I think you owe it to yourself to find a bit of happiness; and your relationship with your daughter may well improve if she can see you without having to face your wife.
You are a long time dead..................

[merciasounds]

Go while you can. Not necessarily to this other woman, but for your own sanity. You deserve some happiness in your life and while you are still married this isn't going to happen. Do things properly, get divorced, THEN start looking for somebody else. Keep on friendly terms with this other woman if you must, BUT - I don't want to sound callous, somebody who suffers with depression can be very draining, and you've been there, done that - you don't have to be a prop to anybody else. I think you may find that you're falling for this other woman because she's not your wife and she's 'listening' to you. Have a holiday, have some peaceful time on your own, see your children get settled and then get out there and get dating again. I wish you every happiness and good luck - Mercia XX

[Marijn]

If you are going to go with this other woman, end your relationship with your wife FIRST. And do you think you're interested in this other woman cos SHE paid an interest in YOU. There might be other women who are interested in you. It will probably be a very hard situation for you leaving a long relationship for someone who is badly depressed.

[lotsafun]

personally from all that you say i think you have stuck around alot longer than you should have really. You owe it to yourself to be happy, what do you have to lose? good luck krusty

[brenda]

You deserve a better life than the one you have . Make firm arrangements to move out , take all that you need with you in the way of documents and so on.
I have no doubt that you will love again , but be very careful of making hasty decisions.
Give yourself time to adjust to being single again.
I think you have done all you can in this loveless marriage -- so think carefully , organise and when all is ready move out. The very best of luck to you .

[Jack130]

You should make everyone happy??!! Hope everything gos ok??!! D:)

[yelenots]

I agree with mercia, do it properly get divorced first.... its not very nice finding out your husband is having an affair even if you dont get on.... you've been together a long time -Good Luck!

[joeluke]

^ "in the last 28 years she has made my life a living hell. In all that time we've made love/sex perhaps 50 times - I always got pushed away and told don't you think I do enough around the house"

Unbelievable! I didn't realise sex with ones wife was classed as a household chore

It sounds like you've already spent too many unhappy years with this woman - leave her and try to find yourself some happiness

[sara3]

joeluke, you're back! I was worried about you :o)

[cazzz1975]

nice holiday?

[Prudie]

There are pros and cons and facts we (ABers) don't know but at the end of the day you only have one life and we all deserve some happiness.

[rowanwitch]

Good luck Krusty....you will probably have a really cr*p time disentangling yourself..but it won't take forever. I tend to agree with the others be cautious where this other lady is concerned .... leave for you and for no other reason...And next time don't drift into what isn't right for you...learn from your mistakes pet....all I can say is you really never know what is around the corner....

[mrs.chappie]

Life is far too short to spend it with the wrong person. Free yourself from this unhappy relationship and I wish you the very best of luck in finding the love of your life. xxx

[joeluke]

I didn't know you cared Sara........oh yeah I forgot - you don't! lol

Yeah hol was ok ta cazzz......also started new job today after 4 months of being unemployed due to being made redundant........so I won't be annoying people on here as often (loud cheers are heard in the background)

[cazzz1975]

good on you joe!

[boxtops]

Krusty, you shouldn't reproach yourself for looking for some happiness - your past life sounds far from ideal, so I don't think anyone would blame you for making a break. You have more than done your duty by your wife and your children - go, do it properly by having a formal separation in the first instance to give yourself some breathing space, then you can go for divorce after two years. Go see a solicitor and get some practical unbiased legal advice, as to how this would leave you financially, and look at the options. Don't rush into a new relationship on the rebound, especially with your depressive lady who (without being unkind) might put you out of the frying pan into the fire, in your current state of uncertainty. A bit of space on your own, to regroup your energies and readjust your priorities, would do you a lot of good. After a few months of no-strings friendship, if you still fancy this other lady, you could look to take it further - but I suggest, not yet. You sound like you have been a very patient husband and father, taking more than many men would put up with.

[welshlibranr]

If it helps, I have always lived by this rule, if doesn't work, then fix it! your life doesn't make you happy, so fix it!.................simple as!..............remember that this isn't a rehearsal!...............You have one chance at this life!................. Enjoy what's left of it!.........