Confused about her

[searchlight]

I'm married and a woman I've known for almost year is also married. We regularly chat online video and by phone. We have never met but have very strong feelings for each other. Both our other halves know of our friendship but not how close we are. We regularly tell each we love them and text at least once a day most days. I asked her recently does she love me or is she in love with me. She answered that's a secret. Later I wondered if loving someone is the same as being in love with them in the context of a relationship

Do you think her answer of "it's a secret" means she loves me, or she is in love with me or are they both the same

I'd like to hear any opinions, thanks

[Mamyalynne]

When she said 'it.s a secret' that set you thinking! If you are both married a while you can sometimes miss the thrill of something special and secret. It seems to me like you may both be in this phase.

By all means keep your friendship but beware of damaging your marriages. 'Love' when used in text or email can be misconstrued.

[bunkmoreland]

To be honest,you sound like someone having a midlife crisis. All new fangled with a online relationship that is probably not going anywhere really. If she is using "the secret" term,she is not remotely serious.

[wolf63]

From what you have said I would say that she considers you to be a friend but her feelings are platonic. She understands your feelings but does not reciprocate them so she is being tactful.

On-line friendships are a dangerous area - there is anonymity and safety when a person is behind a screen. You may one day meet up with her and find her boring and not at all what you had imagined.

Keep the friendship going, but have no expectation that the relationship will become more than this - just see how it goes.

Best wishes.

[pastafreak]

I agree that you may be going through one of those dry periods that all relationships are prone to at one time or another. I would keep the 'love' part at a distance,and be happy with the friendship you've got. Once it goes past that-you can never go back to what you had.If you value your marriage,then you should not be asking if she loves you.

[ummmm]

You sound like a teenager.

You are abusing the trust of your wife. If you concentrated on making your marriage a bit more thrilling you might not feel the need for this 'pretend' relationship with someone you don't know...

[Sqad]

<<<<Later I wondered if loving someone is the same as being in love with them in the context of a relationship<<<<<

Oh! God, he above will bring the "old biddies" to the surface.

Meet her.....have sex with her and if it is cr@p, then drop her. If it is good, then "fill yer boots mate"

Don´t get caught though.

Good luck

[ummmm]

Oi...don't call me an 'old biddie' :-)

[pastafreak]

sqad's stock answer.....he says it to everyone.....tsk.

[Sqad]

pasta/ ummmm...be honest.....you would like an exploratory session with me ;-)

Hopkirk wouldn´t mind.

[pa___ul3]

a certain phrase springs to mind: "Give your head a wobble!". You're married and essentially cheating on your wife and you're more bothered about the feelings of a woman you've never met!?!
I suggest you ask yourself if you really love your wife and address that issue before you start worrying so deeply about 'relationship number 2'.

[Sqad]

pau_la.....absolutely......good advice.

[society]

LOL.. Sqad, you are so shameless :-)

[pa___ul3]

ha, cheers squad! Well if being getting mardy about cheating makes me a woman then pass me my bra girlfriend!!

[Bbbananas]

sqad - typical reply. And I am no 'old biddie' either.

Search - you say you haven't even met this woman? Now, I know how easy it is to form a virtual cyber relationship with folks on t'tinternet.... but to say you're in love with someone you've never met is a tad strong.

[Sqad]

<<<<We regularly chat online video and by phone. <<< Translated: we have already met.

<<<but have very strong feelings for each other<<< Translated: we have already made love.

Both reached a time in life where they realised that they married the wrong person, sex is boring, he/she are not ardent lovers......search+lady friend are finding that they have entered a new exciting phase in their lives.

Happens all the time, everywhere and with the majority of married couples......mainly the husband but wives as well indulge.

[Bbbananas]

I am in love with sqadders, and he with me, but we make no secret of that searchlight..... But would we want anything more than this cyber love? Nah - he's too old and I'm probably too opinionated ;-)

[pastafreak]

I thought the same,salla. search is in 'love' with a fantasy,as he can't possibly 'know' this woman.
He's not the first, and he won't be the last to develop an online infatuation.

[Sqad]

salla........ <<<<he's too old and I'm probably too opinionated ;-)<<<

We could tape your mouth up before we started ;-)

[LoftyLottie]

Sqad <<<<We regularly chat online video and by phone. <<< Translated: we have already met.

<<<but have very strong feelings for each other<<< Translated: we have already made love.


What rubbish!! This is a typical of a relationship that has never gone beyond the cyber stage. It is happening all the time. I find it sad.

And yes I am an old Biddie and very proud of it!!

[Bbbananas]

Ha! You do have a tendency to make me scream.... ;-)

(You can take that one of two ways....)

Oh boy, the innuendo is flowing today x