sons

[tillyh345]

Does everyone agree that at some point you just have to accept your kids for what they are or should i say what they are not..

Our eldest is selfish and we have lived 10 years of hell, at no point have we given up, been there for him through everything...for thae past year he has lived independently but still relies on us for food and subs when he has run out of money..he is 27!! surely we are within our rights to call it a day, and live our lives for us..it is upsetting because our youngest we only have the two is great and so mature compared to his brother, and they were brought up exactly the same, by myself and my husband in a happy home..

[coccinelle]

The problem with some eldest children is they feel they have the right to more than their brothers and sisters. I don't know if this is because they had their parents' full attention until the others arrived and feeling neglected or pushed aside or if the eldest feels he is the rightful person to inherit (as was the norm years ago).
This might be his way of claiming what he thinks is rightfully his so really needs someone to talk to him about it.
I'm stating this as I've noticed this a lot in families.

[crapmemory]

My eldest was never any trouble and did well at school and University and got a good job. My eldest is the complete opposite.........was always going up to the school(primary & secondary) because of his behaviour/attitude/work ethic etc. Been in trouble with the police but thinks the world owes him! He also says that I never take his side! They were both brought up the same i.e.same rules for everything. I still don't know where I went wrong with my youngest and he is nearly 20!

[tamborine]

Y shouldn't they ask - if they want. You had them for your pleasures and should be prepared to keep them till they get bored or a 'kindly' woman takes them off your hands.

They will, it turn, look after you in your dotage even if its just to shove you into care to fleece your home - they're worth all of that - eh? ;o)

[Rollo]

To be brutally honest with you, you are not doing him any long-term favours by bailing him out of his problems.

At some stage he is going to have to learn to "live on his own two feet". The sooner the better!!

Tell him that from now on he is "on his own".

[tillyh345]

Hi Crap memory you sound as though you have my sons1 You have my sympathy completely....I just cant get my head round the fact that they were both brought up the same and one can really seem as though he hates everything about his family! even to the point he thinks we are snobs just because we are law abiding citizens, and yes we have had the police at our door as well, a few times hopefully got by that stage now tho! but as you say he just think live owes him is unemployed and wont do any voluntary work or any further training thinks something is going to drop in his lap!

I am gradually getting stronger and realise theres nothing we can do it s his choice!

[tillyh345]

Thanks for all your helpful comments, it is nice to have other peoples opinions... x

[lukey121]

Read the book The Lost Child, By Julie Myerson. You�ll find it very interesting. It�s a true story about a mothers struggle with her son.