Can we still go to the family party?

[ilsonchick]

My partners sister is going to live in Oz in September and shes having a family/friends party soon to say goodbye - she doesnt live nearby so we dont see her alot and we would both love to go BUT shes inviting a family friend that me and my partner totally HATE! This girl broke into our home christmas morning 3 years ago, drunk and on drugs, and harrassed me as well - she also has verbally threatened me for the past 3 years to the point were we had to move house! (she used to live opposite us with her dad) Shes only 22 but shes put my and my partner through a living hell and its been a year now without her harrasing me. What are we to do? My partners sister is best friends with her, and knows that me and her brother hate her...i cant tell her not to invite her because at the end of the day its her best mate? I dont want to have a quite friendly word with her either, because i dont want her going off telling this girl what ive said and stirring up trouble from the past...what do we do??? (she harrased me because she wanted my partner to be with her in a relationship because shes always wanted to be with him, i have never done anything wrong unto her)

[4getmenot]

Wont you feel bad that you may not get to say goodbye. Go for you partners sister. There are 2 of you and one of her. Just avoid her when there. It was also 3 years ago so she may have changed.

[jno]

could you just say your own farewells? You don't have to go to parties, but you should say goodbye properly, one way or another. (Bearing in mind that these days you'll probably be chatting on skype every day.)

[ilsonchick]

She hasnt changed though thats the thing, and what she put me through for 3 years i will never forgive and forget and neither will my partner...its a bit hard to "avoid" her because its being held at a 2 bed house so its going to be a cramped party. Not only that, what if she starts a fight, stares me out all night or tries to be cruel by trying to chat to my partner and belittling me....? I might be more mature and whatnot but at the end of the day i should not have to be in that kind of environment

[4getmenot]

ok dont go then. Make up some excuse but organise a meal out to say goodbye.

[mccfluff]

i wouldn;t go, i'd speak to her and tell her you don't want her night spoiled and can you see her at another time

[McMouse]

Haven't we had this thread before?

[ilsonchick]

See, this is what i thought, a lovely meal, just us 2 and her and her boyfriend, but then i thought, my partner will want to go to the party, say his goodbyes and be around all his family to do so...and if we both dont go at all his family will be moaning/questioning as to why we didnt go and think were ignorant....its such a hard subject...do you think me personally should just not go and let my partner go it alone....?

[4getmenot]

I kind of know how you feel, there was a girl that gave me hell a few years back and is now with my ex and they have a baby. I have a new life, new bloke but I feel so uneasy when I go somewhere she's invited too. Especially now she'll be pushing baby in my face (even if I know her bloke is sh@gging about). I was invited to a bbq sat to which I got my mate to text me once theyd gone then I turned up.

[ilsonchick]

Mcmouse no we havent...we only found out a few days ago that shes leaving...must be someone else thread youre thinking about....

[4getmenot]

If your partner wants to go then let him. But I really think you have the upper hand here and she will be annoyed you are there with the man she wanted.

[ilsonchick]

The only reason i dont want to go (and i know this is bad) is because if she started being a b!tch to me id just end up smacking her one and probably getting arrested...

[4getmenot]

well I think maybe you need to rise above and grow up a bit. Smacking someone is not the answer no matter how much of a bitch they are being to you.

[brenda]

I would go , ignore this other person , if she kicks off say your goodbyes and leave.
If you can act with dignity no blame can be attached to you.
Your sister may then actually see her for what she is.

[saxy_jag]

I would go with Brenda on this one. Why don't you go down a day or two early and offer to take your partner's sister (and her partner, if she has one) out to dinner? Just say something along the lines of it being nice to spend some quality time or have a 'proper' chat with her before she goes because you know there won't be a chance at the family do. Then if you do find yourselves leaving the party early because of this friend, at least you'll have parted on good terms and with a chance to say your goodbyes properly.

[karenmac60]

I thought that too McMouse - but it was this one
http://www.theanswerb...g/Question911611.html

[momcj]

I def would not go, i think from what you have said you know this yourself. This person has obv caused you and your partner a lot of hurt and upset. Do you really want the agro and dram? Talk to your partner and say even though it does not seem fair (as its his family) think best if we say goodbyes not at the party. Only other consideration is maybe the host of the partner could as your partners sister not to invite her, or could your partner not ask his sister not to ask her this time?