son's ashes

[didappointed]

can anyone blame me for cutting my grand children from my will. My son died over 4 years ago and to this day nobody has told me what happened to his ashes after he was cremated. He was 52 when he suddenly died.

[redcrx]

your money / posessions - your choice.

its very sad that no-one has the decency to tell you where his ashes are, but memories are what we hold on to, not remains.

[sandyRoe]

Perhaps they thought the cremation was 'the farewell' and didn't consider the ashes? I think they are usually scattered in a garden of remembrance.

[China Doll]

Depends, you'd have to give the circumstances really as it's hard to make any kind of judgement on the info you've given so far. Certainly seems a rather unusual and sad situation.

[tamborine]

have you asked ?

[jno]

you can leave your money to anyone you like; but family vendettas are sad to live with. Are you sure this can't be sorted out? Have they actually refused to tell you, or have you just not asked, and they've forgotten?

[rowanwitch]

that must be so difficult for you....I would guess you'd become estranged from your son prior to his death and his family may believe this is what he would have wanted...

Is their any chance they were not taken by the family and scattered, in this case the local crematorium to where he died may be able to tell you.... could you not at least visit there as a substitute the gardens of remembrance can be wonderfully peaceful places

As an alternative I suggested to a previous poster the creation of a personal memory spot in a garden, growing things that help you remember the person who is gone in the living plantsand flowers
If the ashes were scattered it is likely to be in a place that was special to him...go to them all if you know them but remember wind and rain will have carried them away and made them part of the earth, and all of earth is one place so where ever you are you are in a way in the same place...if that makes sense...

Is there no way of building bridges with your grandchildren though...they are a still living part of your son after all and as you are so aware life can be very short

[tamborine]

leave your money for a memorial to your son.....problem solved !

[smudge]

Very sorry to hear about your loss, no matter how much time has passed.

Like tamborine, I was about to say 'have you asked?'.

Maybe they haven't interred or scattered your son's ashes yet, but still have them at home.

As for cutting your grandchildren from your will - that has to be your decision, although they may not be aware of the heartache this has caused you. If it were me, I would write to ask where your son's ashes are, if you haven't already done this.

Hope you will soon find peace of mind....

[Old_Geezer]

Not enough background to give a considered opinion. But sorry you feel aggrieved, and believe it is the grandchildren's fault. May someone make the first move and the family rift be healed soon.

[tamborine]

g'kids grieve too....especially at losing their father - possibly more than your loss of a son. Your son would surely want you to offer his kids some succour ?

[karenmac60]

How old were the children? Would it have been them who made the decision as to what happened to the ashes or their mother? How was your relationship with her? Maybe it was her choice and her children are just respecting their mother's wishes as your son would have respected yours. Is it really fair to punish them for being good sons/daughters? I think you should try and work this out with them, being bitter will only hurt you in the end. They have lost a father which is possibly harder as they are younger.