What Kind Of Parent Am I Going To Be?

[bednobs]

have reached an impasse with my 21 month old, and having been a reasonably good eater since she was born she now is reluctant to try new things and still wont eat anything that is slimy, or has a non-dry texture (for example she'll eat a whole grape, but if i cut a grape in half, she wont pick it up because one side is slimy), or any veg. She is not yet proficient with a spoon/fork but hates being fed.
I really don't want food to turn into a battle.
Anyway, my husband would like us to be "strong" and if she wont try/eat what i have prepared then take it away and not give her anything else. Sounds good in principle, right?

However, i find her crying about food very very hard to cope with, and my natuaral inclination is to make her something else that she does like (even if it's just peanut butter on toast or whatever) and i don't think i can be that parent. Please help. Either tell me how i can toughen up, or reassure me that i am not creating a monster!

[jno]

don't get into fights with babies. You'll always win and it's always humiliating.

http://www.parentkidsright.com/html/food.html

[sherrardk]

We've all been there, give her what she likes for now and have another go at introducing new stuff in a couple of weeks/months. I am a terribly fussy eat from being force fed stuff I didn't like. If my children didn't like stuff at first, I just reintroduced stuff to them later on. Be prepared for any mess she is going to make. I tended to pre-empt problems. She will learn to use cutlery, just let her get on with it. Seriously, don't worry over the little things, you'll all get there. (We were very 'by the book' on things with boy #1 and now the things are practically feral (joking, but the more relaxed you are the easier it seems to be).

[pixie373]

I think she'll get over these dislikes more quickly, if you don't put her off. If she refuses half a grape, put it in your own mouth. They learn most by example. I would just give her a wide a range as possible in each meal , say well done for everything she eats and ignore what she doesn't. She will eat it at some point, as long as it doesn't become a battle of wills.

[anneasquith]

id tend to give her what she likes if you feel her diet is adequate for her age, put her food on her high chair and let her help herself,she will grow out of it, maybe around 16years old :) enjoy her while she is so young,

[DaisyNonna]

Can't think of a lot more slimey than peanut butter!

[Mamyalynne]

We all start off frantic and worried, just relax - offer small titbits of new things alongside fim favourites and chat away at mealtimes, she will almost certainly end up having a try.

Regarding texture, sometimes that stays with us forever, I had a dear neighbour who died aged 100 who had never ever had gravy.

[bednobs]

but it's ok, because its on a dry bit of toast daisy

[pixie373]

I agree completely with jno's link.

[sherrardk]

I am surprised you give her peanut butter actually, not the there's nothing anything with it but I was always panicky about nut allergies.

[Prudie]

I'm not sure the being strong will work, most kids won't eat things they don't like until they are literally starving. If it's any help my daughter was an unbelievably picky eater from about 3 to 11 and just lived off the same 2 or 3 meals - pasta with cheese sauce, ham or scrambled eggs. I worried constantly as she didn't like any fruit or veg. She has grown into a perfectly healthy woman with a normal diet! Your daughter is entering a developmental phase that's hard enough for parents to deal with without adding mealtime battles. If I were you I'd give her the things you know she will eat and know she will grow out of her faddiness, she's just expressing her control (or something like that).

[woofgang]

I am sixty and I still cannot eat cooked cabbage because i was made to eat it as a child (not by my parents, at school dinners). Toughening up actually doesn't sound good in principle, it sounds horrendous. Your husband may mean well but making a child cry over food sounds to me not just like bad parenting but terrible parenting. Which century is he living in?

Last thing is that my friend's niece lived on plain crisps and yoghurt for two years!!!!!!! happily her GP was ahead of his field and said to stay calm, to keep offering options but not to insist and to allow the child to eat what she likes. She is now a normal healthy 25 year old with two children of her own.

[bednobs]

i really like all your answers, mainly because they concur with me :)
sherr - i don't get how eating peanut butter can give you an allergy - you either have an allergy or you don't, surely. And if you never eat peanuts, you wont find out of you have one or not :)

[Mamyalynne]

Little ones like what I call 'picky' plates - mind you on Tuesday , my (almost) 3 yr old grandson ate a dozen cherry toms, lots of cucumber,carrot and red pepper sticks but refused his sardines on toast. So I ate that bit and got him a slice of cake lol.

[Jeza]

When my son was about 3 (and I realise your daughter is a lot younger) he refused to eat anything but crisps. I spoke to our GP about this and his advice was, Give him a packet of crisps and you and his Dad have food he loves. Talk during your meal about how good it tastes. Don't offer him any, just give him the crisps. I'll give it a week he said. He was right. It didn't take but a couple of days before he wanted what we were having.

[anneasquith]

re the peanut butter, I thought there was advice not to introduce it to childs diet until a certain age,

[seekeerz]

So long as you stay relaxed and cool about the whole thing she'll come around to trying different foods. Plastic under the high chair and let her try feeding herself, she'll get the knack pretty quickly and seeing you eat certain things will grab her interest so let her try what you're having,

Our first was a fiddly eater, very hard to get her onto chunky stuff, the second just picked up a chop from her father's plate and started knawing, and never looked back, she wasn't a year old at that stage.

Good luck and stay calm

[pixie373]

Allergies can be triggered by exposure, too. I didn't give my children nuts until they were five (same reason as sherr). I don't know what the recommended age is now.

[sherrardk]

Didn't say eating peanut butter would give you an allergy, I was always concerned that if they ate some and had an allergy I wouldn't know what to do (have always assumed that nut allergies were pretty bad and am clueless on medical- type emergencies ).

[jno]

I was a picky eater when I was a baby and I still am. So what? The world didn't end just becasue I can't stand fish (and a lot of other things). My parents just made me food I did like and didn't waste psychic energy trying to force me to eat stuff I hated. My guess is your husband is repeating his own parents' methods (don't we all) but I think he's on the wrong track.

[bednobs]

it's six months for peanut butter