Breastfeeding. Demand or routine?

[Poppy]

I was all prepared to do the Gina Forde routine until I went to my NCT class last night where demand feeding was touted as best. I have a history of anxiety (which is much better now but relies on me having a decent amount of sleep) so the thought of having to get up every 2 hours during the night is daunting- obviously I'm going to be tired anyway but surely I'd be a better mother if I'm sane! I'd like some advice from mothers who have breastfed. Is imposing a routine early on cruel to the baby, is letting your baby lead the way going to create long term sleeping problems or is there some sort of middle ground? Any advice would be appreciated- don't hold back!

[maggie01]

If you have a husband or partner maybe you could pump some milk off so that they could do one of the feeds in the night.That way baby still gets breast milk and you can get your sleep.

[loopey]

I demand fed my baby, he soon settled into not needing a night feed at about 6 weeks old but I think that you have to do what suits your lifestyle, the baby will be happy with whatever your happy with, babies are very adaptable.

[mimififi]

you do what's best for you and your baby. If you don't want to do it the NCT way, that's fine. If this is your first baby and you do want to demand feed, it will be possible for you to wake in the night becuase you will be able to sleep in the day. Next time round you will be prepared and more knowledgable.

Also, you can hire hospital style breast pumps from somewhere (I can't remember) but your hospital/midwife will know. I had one for my preemie. If baby is having breast milk in a bottle, you can feed them breast milk, be secure in the fact that they have had x ounces and shouldn't really be hungry anymore and it will be easier to establish a routine. I had to do this for my preemie because I had 4 other children and I couldn't have the baby needing a feed when I was cooking/taking them to school/ playing etc etc. it can be done.

But as I said to another mum, try and chill out. if you start out on demand and it doesn't work, you can switch to routine and viceversa. In many ways you can wait till baby is here and then just trial and error. With kids it's often the best laid plans and all that.

[mimififi]

oh,, I forgot to say, congratulations and good luck with the baby. She/he will be a real blessing.

[Poppy]

Thanks everyone. It's so confusing- all the books I've read contradict one another! I've decided I'm going to just chill out as suggested and see how it goes. Following a rigid routine would be pretty stressful so I'm going to try demand feeding with a bit of expressing for night time feeds (so my husband can play a part). It does seem as though babies naturally get into a routine anyway, so why impose one before they're ready. Thanks for being so helpful!

[tigerthecat]

I think you are right I fed on demand because when you dont they cry - horrible and although it took 6 weeks of being tied to the house virtually it did sort itself out. Be prepared that its could be hard . I read 'what to expect in the first year' (well i read loads) but I swear by that one it was my bible.

[qapmoc]

Hi poppy,  if you are not a single parent you could try to adopt the routine my wife got into,  she would put the baby on her breast and then sort of fall 90% asleep change over if required, then when the baby had finished feeding she would give it to me to finish off and go back to 100% sleep , leaving me to change nappies and get it back to sleep and in bed.  

I seem to think that nobody we ever knew had actually imposed their intended routine on their baby without causing so much noise and loss of sleep for everybody concerned.  

[Gathorne]

From my experience there is a compromise between demand feeding and rigid routine. The big problem with demand feeding is that the baby will often just snack rather than having a full feed because it's "on tap". I did feed on demand, but set a minimum gap of 2 1/2 - 3 hours to give my boobs time to refill if nothing else! Babies adapt very well to any routine you want to set them, even when very young. Don't be scared of the crying - a little crying doesn't hurt them at all, it's their only way of communication, and babies often have a good grizzle when falling asleep so I wouldn't automatically pick them up at the first noise. Putting a baby to bed awake so they learn to get themselves to sleep is probably the best advice I was given.

It's all tiring at first, but it just gets better and better - you've got a whole world of smiles and cuddles ahead of you. 

[Le Chat]

That Gina Ford book will make a nervous, anxious and nerve-frazzled mother of you!!! It's crazy!! It is so ridgid and routine that it is impossible to follow! I can't stress that enough - please take it with a pinch of salt! The best book written with common sense and taking real life into account is called "Babies" by Dr Christopher Green. He has also written "Toddler Taming" which is brilliant. Keep the Gina Ford book as you can take ideas from it but don't take it at all seriously, or you will end up on anti-depressants!! (You did say "don't hold back!!!")

[mimififi]

i would echo that too. i kept a minimum of 3 hours in between feeds. If I knew baby was fed, warm, dry/clean etc and there was nothing wrong, I did put baby down and even walk away if I had to and close the door to. babies don't have to be taught how to get their own way, you need to be the boss even of atiny, beautiful baby. Breast fed babies can get into a snacking habbit as has been said and so it does them good to have a full feed and then go back to sleep. usually, once you start doing this, it only takes 24 maybe 48 hours to establish this 'routine'. it's kinda a semi routine. Once they have fed properly too, it helps them to sleep properly rather than lightly enabling you to even vacuum round them!!!
A bit of crying does do babies good, it is in fact the only exercise they get and really gets their oxygen levels up and they heart rate going. All good after being still for 9 months.

A

[mimififi]

nd also, I have always done a bed time routine from day one. Choose the time you want baby to go to bed and do feed; bath; pyjamas; bed. I had seperate night baby gros for them as it helps to establish a difference in situation. I put them down, mostly with a feed, when the feed was finished I put them in their cot regardless of if they were asleep or not, and put the light out if I hadn't already done so. They will grizzle and cry as they get comfy but this is fine. Then walk away and you know that there is nothing wrong with the baby (unless they are ill) and so even if they cry, make yourself a cup of tea, have a nice bath, read a good book or chat to a friend on the phone and congratulate yourself on having a great day. When the baby wakes for the next feed, go up, feed them in their room at their cotside, do not switch on the light, play games or chatter to them, just feed them and put them back. They will catch on and you won't have to break any bad habbits. This is excellent training for those toddler years. It also means you have one to one with hubby in the eve. It is important for you to have your space too.

[mimififi]

SOmetimes it can be sad esp if your partner, like mine, comes home late for work they want to see the baby etc, but it will be better for them to play with them for the 20 mins or half an hour that they want in the morning, even if it means getting up earlier. You have to stay strong in this as you would have had a busy tiring day and you need some rest, esp if you're feeding and men (lovely tho they are) do have a habbit of playing with baby for a short time, like 10 15 mins, then they get bored, then they hand them back. Then you ahve to put them to bed overtired and wound up from the play,,,just don't go there!