How do you know?!

[Monypenny]

Hi ... I know this is a bit odd but how do you know what to do as a parent, I'm not one and I'm not pregnant but I'd like to be in a couple of years and I've started to wonder how you know what to do ... I mean at the antenatal classes do they show you how to bath, dress, change, feed, hold etc etc a baby ... just I have NO idea!! how do you get your baby into a nursery school, how do you know if they are any good! Do the Government just give you leaflets on what to do, whether you are entitled to any extra childcare help or whether you have to pay for them to go to nursery school ... soooo much I don't know!!

[GavC]

Hi Monypenny, I am a single father and have been for a while now.  I can't help with things like the antenatal classes, but maybe with the other stuff.  As to how to hold a baby and things like that, it DOES come naturally, there is a natural bond between mother and child, and I feel there is that same bond between father and child.  I wish to god there had been a handbook when my child was a baby :)  It would have made things so much easier.  But it's all a learning curve and over time these things just come to you.  I'm sure that when you do have chikldren you will find this out. :)

[OBonio]

Read a few books before my daughter was born. No point in my opinion. It's all just common sense (luckily my wife has some of this!). As a mother you will know instinctively what your baby likes/dislikes... either that or he/she will let you know! Don't worry about that!

[mimififi]

chill out and relax and just let it come. A tiny baby needs relatively little and their needs increase gradually.

Try to get to social groups such as mother and toddler groups, or ladybirds or something like that, all these details are easily available from your health visitor. She can be you best friend esp if your are unsure.

have confidence in youself and use your common sense, things like, don't put baby on the work top; she might fall off, is not rocket science.

read a few books but don't go mad, sometimes they can put the fear of God into a new mum. You don't need to study. Keep close to your mum and mum in law, they had babies too and as much as we won't want them 'interferring' they will always be on the end of the phone if things really go wrong.

But most important, just chill. A chilled mum is a happy babe.

[Typhoid]

Thanks guys (sorry confusing change of name!!) I'm not too scared about it all ... well the giving birth bit naturally terrified but hey I'll worry about that bit as and when!!! .... but its just that you do seem to just know ... and I know everyone says don't worry it'll come its natural but I've read about people who thought that and it didn't kick in and they just can't deal with being parents ... I mean its a pretty big thing to get into and then discover you can't!!! I guess I'll worry about the caring/mothering side of it nearer the time, a friend of mine has just had a baby and has a todler so I can get some practise in!! but the more practical stuff like making sure they learn the right things and all of that, that they get into good nurseries ... how do you find out which nurseries are good and which toys are good not a rip off!!! its just such a big world with so many choices of everything how are you meant to guide your kids if you don't know yourself?!

[mimififi]

stuff like nurseries and such, you will hear alot by word of mouth if you go to clubs like mums and toddlers etc. Also, as your friends start their families they will have opinions too. You can't really choose that sort of thing until you need to and know what your child's needs are by way of what kind of a character he is, i.e if he is very shy, a big noisy playschool is not appropriate, it would better with a quieter, smaller group for example.

They learn as they go along. There are copious books about baby brains and teaching the preschoolers and activities to do etc etc. The key I think is to socialise with other parents, you will soon form you own opinions about what you want for your child.

Just chill it, the fact you are worrying now tells me you will be a caring, sensible and devoted mother. My hat goes off to you. XX

[Cathy]

I do know how you feel, I was like that too. Things like changing nappies, washing etc, you can ask the midwife. When you have a baby there are nurses that you can ask for demonstrations (always a good idea with the first nappy!). Small hospitals seem to be better as everyone has more time. If and when you get pregnant you should get "The Pregnancy Book" and later the "Birth to Five" book which give you all the basics and are very helpful.
As for actually mothering, as long as you're a relatively normal person you'll be fine. A strange thing happens when you're pregnant in that you slowly become a mother. I know this sounds daft, but it does change you in a profound way. This is NOT as scary as it may sound. You just go from thinking that you'll go back to work full time, maybe part time if you can afford it, to being unable to imagine being away from your little bundle, for example. It's not easy and the more support you can get the better, but you will find a way to cope, because what else are you going to do? Like someone else has already said, if you're thinking about this now then you will be fine.

[typhoid2]

kewl :-) thanks for your help :-) I do feel a bit daft worrying about stuff like that now before I am even thinking that I am ready for a baby but there is just so much to know!! don't know how parents do it but hats off to you all :-)