Kids fighting

[lizwizz]

Why do my kids always fight? They are 10 and 8, girl and boy and the girl (10) is pretty mild-mannered and even-tempered. The trouble is, my son just seems to go out of his way to annoy her. Its driving me to despair. I find myself dreading Christmas because we'll all be under the same roof for long periods of time. Telling him off and making him say sorry seems to make no difference. He doesn't mean it anyway.
What can i do?

[mycatis]

I know it's not much help just now but my little brother and sister are about a year and a half apart in age and he can have her screaming blue murder in seconds, cause he knows exactly how to wind her up. BUT you would be hard pressed to find to people who care more about each other. He would do anything for her and her him. They will be fine, honest

(like I say sorry it doesnt help just now)

[Coobeastie]

Isn't it an inbuilt duty of a younger brother to wind his older sister up....like mycatis says they'll grow out of it.

[kick3m0n]

agree completely with the above. There's 17mnths between my little brother and I, and we used to fight alot when we were wee. As mentioned, he just used to know how to wind me up (and vice versa). That's just what siblings do tho, isn't it? The fighting decreased a lot when we got to 2ndary school, and we decided to team up to campaign for more pocket money/gettign out later at night etc from Mum and dad. We're now both in our 30s and very close indeed.

I know it's tough, but they will get better. I'd continue to make the one in the wrong apologise, even if they appear not to mean it, as it sends the right signals to both of them regarding discipline etc.

[Liza B]

I know how you feel I have 17 daughter (she's outgrown the fighting now) 15 twin boys (hell on earth) and 13 twin boy and girl (they bicker like an old married couple.) Boys seem to be worse, 15 twins now take each others stuff and all hell breaks out, one broke 3 bones in his hand after he punched his brother at 6 in the morning before paper round, over a jacket, I used to try and sort it out but who do you beleive, so I have now learnt to ignore it, both are as bad as each other, they used to pick on 13 son did for years, but they now leave him alone and concentrate on each other,I've been told by others it is normal and part of being in a family, but it does wear you down, I now put them out side and lock the door until they are finished.

I used to go out every day in the hols just to stop the fighting, they tend to do it when they are bored, swimming, trip to the park anywhere to keep them busy, are there any childrens clubs they could go to over the hols, our local sports centre runs ones. YOu could try that.

good luck!

[mycatis]

Liza B - TWO sets of twins?? Oh lucky you, that sounds lovely (no honestly, despite all the fighting lol)

[tubeway]

They all do it - my sons are 18 and 20 and still wind each other up (and I still wind up my little brother even though we are in our 40s now)

[tigerthecat]

two sets of twins.......no....you are a saint :-)

[andy-hughes]

This is an example of family hierarchy at work. As the youngest, it is instinctive for your son to constantly snipe away at his sister's biological superiority in the famiy group.

That said, we don;t live in caves, so order needs to be restored.

Pick a calm time, sit them both down, and explain that you know they love each other, and that the fighting has to stop.

Therefore, you are introducing a reward / punishment system - this can be tailored to what your children like - good behaviour on a daily / weekly basis earns a treat of some kind, bad behaviour earns a sanction.

These can be adjusted depending on what they appreciate, or would hate to be deprived of - TV, computer access, that kind of thing.

Be fair, be firm, be absolutely unswayed by any arguments from anyone, make your rules stick, and after the initial kick-back, things will settle down.

Never threaten anything you can't carry out, never promise anything you can't ddeliver - and once they know the boundaries, life will calm down all round. Good luck.

[mimififi]

My husband and his brother (only 3 years apart) Never used to fight as children, they were model siblings. Now as adults, they rarely see each other.

I used to fight with my Sis, then we had a couple of years of not seeing each other, just because of Uni, and other stuff, now we live in the same town and see each other all the time and phone daily, if we haven't seen each other.

I never fought with my brothers, and I rarely see them either.....

CHildren fight because that is their dynamic of the relationship. If your son suddenly stopped winding your daughter up and left her alone completely, she would probably be sad and wonder why he didn't like her anymore.....

Very complicated. I just ignore the fighting and tell my kids to sort it out themselves and until they have to stay away from me as I can't stand the bellowing. They normally do. Obviously I step in if weapons become involved.....LOL!

[lizwizz]

Thanks for all your words of wisdom -its made me feel a lot better. I'm going to give Andy's suggestion a go - you sound a bit of a Superdaddy!