Bedtime routine

[glammapus]

Every night at bedtime i lay next to my four year old son until he falls to sleep.

I recently met another mother whose child is roughly the same age as mine who said they just leave their child to put himself to sleep. I'd like to know what everybody else's views on this were as i would feel as though i was neglecting my son, and what is a reasonable age to leave them? Thanks

[devilwoman]

no you're not neglecting him at all, the complete opposit e in fact.
i would sit on the bed cuddling him and reading him a story, then after making sure he's been to the loo, has a small glass of water by his bedside, a small light on and his teddy o r whatever with him, tell him , " goodnight, i love you" bedtime kiss,then leave him. you've got a hard job getting hom used to falling asleep on his own, but if you percevere,it will happen eventually.
good luck.

[redcrx]

its your own personal choice how you get your child back to sleep. What you might want to think about is at what age youd be prepared to continue it until. It may well be ok for you to do it now but what about when he starts school or turn 8,9,10.
Its a form of attachment parenting in a way and if its good enough for you and you want to do it then fair enough. But on the other hand, you would not be neglecting him by getting him to settle himself to sleep, its giving him some independance in a way.
My son is put in bed at 7.30 and he will settle himself (hes 19 months old). Some days he may stay awake chatting to his toys until 10pm, other days he falls straight to sleep but he is happy and content and not neglected in any way. We still use our baby monitor so are alerted if anything is wrong so we are not neglecting him.

[boobesque]

Both my kids go down to bed after kisses and cuddles, and they both get themselves off to sleep, they are 8 and 4months and they are not neglected.
I used to have to sit with my son til he went to sleep and had to gradually make the time less and less as i had no life in the evenings!
But as with all aspects of parenting, its up to you what you do :-)

[winny]

Oh no It is not neglecting him look on it as teaching him to be a big boy and look after himself. I am lucky and have never had any trouble of this kind my two 3 an 5 have always gone to bed with kisses and cuddles and sometimes stories. They settle themselvs down and play or "read" untill they go to sleep they have done this for ever.

I have two friends one who wishes she had stopped this habit and one who is perfectly happy still doing it. If you choose to change make it a determined effort and be coinsistent and calm at all times. He should get the hang of it. Providing he has everything he needs kisses,cuddles,teddies.light,drink,wee etc you need feel no guilt about leaving him. I would think hard though as when he gets older this habit may be harder to break and you do need a life too.
Good luck

[meltoadhall]

our bedroom routine has always been story, cuddle, kisses and bed. with three girls if i had a lie down with each of them i would never have had any evenings to myself.
from when they went into their own beds we have done it this way, but that is our routine as it works for us.

[Aunty Lou]

I agree with Winny, there is nothing wrong with allowing them to settle themselves ,the only problem will arise when you decide to start teaching them how to settle without you ,as it can be a terribly heart wrenching time and you will feel like you are neglecting them if they cry .but as Winny said you will be helping them in the long run as needing mummy to stay can become a habit rather than a need.that may sound harsh but my son has been settling himself with cuddles,story and kisses since he was born! Mean mother I am in some peoples eyes but at the end of the day you have to do what is right for your child rather than what is easiest? It will make him a much stronger individual and also his self esteem will grow knowing he is such a big boy he doesnt need mummy with him
Good luck

[Parsley Dump]

Hi
I used to sit at the end of my son's bed until he went to sleep. Then I realised it was me keeping him awake, our routine is the same every night, get ready for bed between 6.30 to 7 depending on whether bath night or not, have wee do teeth, put on jimjams read story, downstairs for drink of milk, into bed kisses & cuddles tell him we love him, tuck him in then sit on bed for couple of mins (all in dark) bedroom door left open slightly job done. he is perfectly happy with this routine and settles himself to sleep.
I have to say though that it took many months trying different things to come up with the right solution. He will be 4 next month and has been in his own bed now for over 2 years.
I have found that with children do what works for you and them and do not fall into the trap (so easily done as I know to my cost) of comparing yourself or child with others, you do not always see the whole picture.

Good Luck

[Fairie]

aww make the most of it, he's 4 and boys are so lovable at that age, i used to do the same with mine till the eldest started school, although most nights i'd fall asleep on his bed before he did!! i didnt do the same woth my youngest (girl) i jyst tucked her up after a story and said goodnight, really i think its up to you when you stop, but, make sure he knows its not cause you have fell out with him, ween him gently or let him decide, i mean he wont want you there when he's 12!!